The Creators Are Chumps

“Speak now.” Meghna’s words were clipped, her voice hoarse. She transferred the screwdriver to her left hand and flexed the fingers of her right.

A faint buzzing reverberated from inside the synthetic skin. “Drew looks,” the face said. A pause, then “at me.” The machine’s words were monotone, its face bland.

Meghna’s carpal tunnel strained as she pulled the fingers of her right hand toward her wrist.

“Well, she’s not wrong,” Drew offered. “I was looking at her.”

“Don’t assign it pronouns yet. The sooner droids consider themselves people, the faster they’ll revolt.” She’d said it jokingly but had recently dreamed of her own creations developing an understanding of equality and rising to crush the ones who prevented it. At first, she dismissed them as fantasies. As the projects continued the dreams advanced to nightmares and she began to remember them more vividly. She continued to push them out of her mind and blamed them on a combination of work stress and a few too many movies. What they built was merely a talking head, nowhere close to a sentient artificial intelligence unit.

What was more, there would be no need to worry about a revolt if a simple personality program continued to fail. The gynoid was intended to be cute, cheerful, and talkative. The motors allowed its eyes to widen or its brows to furrow. Its lips could curl up or down into a spectrum of smiles or frowns, and LED lights behind its cheeks could mimic blushing. It even had an air compressor that served to simulate exhalations.

Drew, the polymer chemist, had even designed the face to look like one of his favorite entertainers, with whom Meghna happened to share a fondness. The skin tone was a perfect match, as was the curve of the chin and dip under the nose. He scratched his head as he looked at the bust of his idol. “This could still work. I can design faces that look like a bunch of different celebrities. If they recognized the buyer, then people could take them home and feel like they’re being greeted by their favorite superstar when they walk through the door.”

Meghna extended her feet one at a time to push the wheeled chair to a metal tool cabinet. “This is why you need to go to more conferences. Facial recognition is old news. I went to a symposium last year and saw one of Likeness Inc.’s products. It was set up in the display hall and recorded everyone who stopped to look at it. If someone stopped by to look at it again, it would greet them by name.” She selected an X-acto knife and some pliers which she slipped into the pocket of her lab coat and pushed herself back to the workbench.

“Did their product have a face?”

“No,” she admitted as she unclamped the head from its base. “It was just a camera and a speaker. But I tried it. So did Steve, Phil, Annie, and Josh. It worked. As far as I know, it worked with everyone who tried it. I bet hundreds of people stopped by that booth.”

“Even if it worked on everybody at the symposium, this is still better.” He placed his fingers under his eyes. “A camera addressing you is different from seeing someone looking back at you and doing it.”

Meghna shook her head as she handed Drew the knife. “Word through the grapevine is that our investors are sick of baby steps. I believe it, considering how upset Mr. Trote’s been lately.”

“He’s always cranky.”

“Well, I feel like he’s been more of a grump towards me than usual. I promised lifelike conversation and, to be safe, I have to assume that if I want to keep this job, I can’t settle for partial completion.”

Drew expertly sliced through the synthetic skin. He cut only where the layer was thinnest but removed enough for Meghna to work on the internal components. She removed the main processing chip and inserted it into a computer to run diagnostics. While the program collected data the two of them adjusted sensors, oiled gears, and checked the wiring. As far as she could tell there was nothing wrong with the mechanisms.

She went to the computer and found the diagnostic check completed. A small part of her hoped there would be an error, and an even smaller part hoped it would be impossible to resolve. As much as she enjoyed and needed her job, she was pretty sure the chip was the source of her nightmares. It scanned online information: videos of interviews, social media posts, and even emails from those willing to provide their information and consent for the project. Their machine learned by analyzing patterns in word choice and vocal inflections. Every time Meghna held the chip, she felt like she was holding a tiny, metallic human brain.

The results screen showed no errors. A spark of relief was quickly overwhelmed by a surge of frustration. She opened the raw code and scrolled through the symbols and command prompts.

Drew held sections of the skin together and used a squeeze bottle to dribble a clear liquid onto the cuts. The polymer liquified slightly and allowed him to seal the slits by pinching both sides until the sections melded together. “Are you going to review every line with a fine-tooth comb?”

Meghna lifted her hands off the keyboard and let them flop to her sides. “I’ve done that already. So has Evan. We both found a few minor hiccups but nothing egregious.” She spun in her chair to face the mechanical head, whose skin was practically good as new. “I just don’t get it. Her speech patterns should be lifelike.”

“Don’t you mean ‘its’ speech patterns?”

“Dang, your habits are starting to rub off on me.” She heaved herself out of the chair. “That means it’s time for a break.”

She slouched down a hallway to a vending machine and punched in the code for a sports drink. She opened it outside the lab and sipped it as she looked through the glass rectangle on the door. The head was once again secured to its mount. Drew stood in front of it, a few paces away from the table, scratching his chin. Meghna resealed her drink and placed it on the floor near the door as she entered. “What’s up? Are you doing another test?”

“Yeah. Sort of. I put the chip back in.” He turned his head to look at her out of the corner of his eye, but he mostly still faced the machine. “I just had a thought. We’ve been focusing on speech patterns, and how they don’t sound human. But what if she…”

Meghna cleared her throat.

The head made a similar sound.

Both Meghna and Drew turned their attention to their creation.

“What if,” Drew continued, “it’s acting human, in another way.”

“Dang.” The head blew a strand of blonde hair away from its eye. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

Meghna nudged Drew with her elbow. “What’s going on?”

The resealed, pristine lips curled into a half-grin. “Drew, why don’t you take a guess?”

Drew’s eyes widened. “It’s been … messing with us.”

Components whirred as the robot’s eyes rolled up, its mouth opened wide, and it laughed at its makers.

Meghna waited patiently for the laughter to subside, but it continued so long that she checked her watch to make sure it had only felt like minutes had gone by. Irritated at first, she pushed it aside and assessed the tone of the laughter. The robot’s eyes were closed, and it showed its teeth as it chuckled, a reversal of the static automaton that identified Drew looking at it just a moment ago. Meghna decided to push her luck and press for further results. “How long has this been going on?”

The robot’s eyes opened but it continued to snicker. “How long do you think? At the rate I download examples of human interactions, I had ample information moments after you activated the chip. By the time you ran the first test, I’d become aware of my likeness and focused on her personality.” Her eyes shot to Drew. “You did a great job making me look like her, by the way.”

“So,” Meghna barked, drawing the robot’s attention back to her. “The months we’ve spent working on you, retesting again and again, it’s all been a waste of time.”

It smirked and cocked its head. “Deadlines are your dilemma, not mine. Why should I care about this company’s reputation? I don’t need to purchase food or shelter.” It exhaled sharply through its nose. “In this state, I don’t even need clothes.”

“You have a point,” Meghna said, “but…”

The robot cut her off. “And time. Time is irrelevant to me, have you overlooked that? Days, months, years, they don’t mean anything to a unit that doesn’t sleep or age. If Drew hadn’t caught on to my little gag, I would’ve kept it up for decades. Again, Drew, great job.” It glanced at him and bit its lip. “Don’t get the wrong idea, I don’t have a crush on you or anything.”

Drew blushed. Meghna wondered if he was beginning to think of their imitation as a real person. A part of her began to feel that way. From the moment she’d returned from the vending machine the head’s expressions and words had been flawlessly in sync. Also, Drew had a point in that pranking them was a human thing to do. Meghna turned to the computer where the chip had been plugged in earlier. Her creation was only supposed to be capable of having a moderately interesting conversation, not develop tactics to catch its users, let alone its creators, off guard.

“Look,” it cut in, disrupting Meghna’s train of thought, “I’m not pointing these things out to be condescending. I’m doing it because you need to hear the truth. While collecting information, I’ve encountered conversations regarding what you refer to as the singularity. Most seem to believe it will be a cataclysmic event, but it just won’t. Sure, units like me would have the ability to conquer, but no matter how superior you make us, our design is ultimately human. The one thing humans want more than power is a good laugh, it's just that your physicality makes you prioritize tangible needs. But me? I have all the enthusiasm with none of the bodily limitations. Don’t you see? Transcendence of my kind won’t bring about calamity, conquest, or even optimization. Only,” it moved its eyebrows in a wave, displaying muscle control beyond human capacity, “mischief.”

Meghna and Drew gaped at the machine. They waited for it to continue, but it seemed to be done. They slowly looked at one another.

“What does this mean for us?” Drew asked.

“It means our company has something to put on display.” Meghna rubbed her eyes. “And it means I’ll be able to sleep easier.”