The Suit

How in the hell did I end up at the front of this demonstration rally? I look down at my feet as we move towards Parliament House but something's not right. I bend over to look closely at my feet and I realise, my shoes aren't even touching the ground? What the Hell? I don't even know what this demonstration is about. Wait, what does the sign that I'm holding say? "SPACE CONSCRIPTION IS A HUMAN VIOLATION!" I remember these people, this scene. I saw it on the news the other night. I agree, vehemently, but I didn't agree to this. I never said I would hold this banner I'm not that kind of person. I don't like conflict, I don't want to be on the telly all angry and shit. God would you people stop pushing me, can't you see my feet aren't on the ground! Ok this is getting serious, you people are really starting to hurt me. You are pushing me in the back, wait what is that? I feel around to my back and there is something hard and flat and I'm not at a demonstration anymore I'm floating in a tunnel, I'm dreaming. Phew! I'm just dreaming but why do I feel like I'm wrapped in a blanket? Open your eyes, wake up wake up WAKE UP I screamed and finally I woke up to a nightmare.

I'm floating in a plastic capsule and I'm wearing a very uncomfortable, silver plastic jumpsuit and what the hell is this thing in my back. I feel around to find a tube coming out of the back of my suit that is pushing against my skin. Ok this is bullshit, I never signed up for this, whatever this is. I don't like wearing synthetic non organic materials for a start and someone is going to be in a lot of trouble for this. I tried to sit up and as I do the the lid of this plastic coffin opens up, the tube just unplugs me and pretty much pushes me out of the capsule into the sterile lab space around me.

Lot's of spacey looking machines and buttons and screens everywhere. "Ok this is pretty cool if you were into this sort of thing but how does one get out of here?"

"Oh hey", "Don't panic, we are in space and on one of these new 'Space Conscription' programs", said the other floating jumpsuit. He is literally swimming through the air towards me and I don't know how to reverse swim or whatever they call it in swimming land, backstroke, that's it, so I just constrict my body like a prawn and try to spring away from him. He stops at least, mostly because he can't work out what I am trying to do but I don't care as I ready myself for a panic attack of epic proportion.

So here it comes, first the realisation of my current situation, then the heavy breathing, then the stomach tightens and twists and then my legs start cycling through the air like an idiot and next thing I know, a see through plastic bubble helmet comes out of my ugly jumpsuit and I'm breathing in gas vapour and I'm feeling kinda sleepy, kinda giggly, kinda frikken stupid! "WTF!, did this ridiculous plastic, out of date suit just gas me?" My silver suited new friend just laughs and says "Oh yeah, you got gassed good". "My name is Delroy, what's yours?"

Oh no, how did this happen to me? How am I the unlucky girl with incredible taste in clothes and an eye for fashion end up in this conscription thingy? I mean why didn't they take Shauna? Mama said I should be paying my taxes or they were gonna take me away but I thought she was just trying to scare me. "Delroy" I said with a trembling voice, "Do you know how long we gonna be here?". "Well, if all goes well it should only be about a year, and the best part is, when we get back, we get a clean slate. No more fines to pay, no more debt" he said as if it was the best thing that ever happened to him. "Oh right, ok well that's something I guess" I said in a half stupor, "My name is Jessi, Jessi-Leigh Wilkins, but you can call me Jessi with an i". Tears started streaming down my face and once again my silly un-darted suit responded like an overprotective mother and gassed me again. I guess it's not too bad this floating in space thing. Of course that's probably the gas talking.

Next Chapter

It's been two months of space sitting in this stupid tin can and wearing this revolting, oversensitive, unflattering fat enhancing suit and don't even ask me about bathroom requirements.

Delroy and I have been getting along ok I guess. I'm kinda lucky that he isn't a wanker I suppose and I'm definitely lucky that he isn't an actual 'wanker', eeewe that would be gross.

I'm still in shock as to how I got here. One minute I'm selling my clothes at the markets and I remember talking to a man and a woman in suits. They were quite nice bespoke suits I must say. Nicely cut and probably the same tailor. Asked me a lot of questions about my clothes come to think of it. Where do I buy my material from, how long have I been doing this, do I only take ca.........shhhhhhit! What an idiot. Nek minute, Ima floating alfoilled kebab in an experimental space can with no human rights. Oh my lord I have been so, what's the word? Ignorant. That's it.

I was contemplating this when suddenly I heard thunder, well it sounded like thunder. "Delroy, is there thunder in space?"

"I don't believe so Jessi with an i". "Delroy, you don't have to say that every time you say my name and there it is again, what the hell Delroy, what is happening?" "I'll call control and ask them, it's ok Jessi with an......nnnice hair".

"Control, this is Delroy McIlraight, participant 0001, can you please confirm what the noise is that we are hearing outside of our shuttle?".

Delroy repeated himself a couple of times but there was no response. "Delroy, I am gettin scared", "Jessi with.... now you don't want to go and trigger the suit off again now do you?" "No but if we are gonna die then I guess I wouldn't mind feeling a little happy about it" I said with a forced smile on my face. We both bounced into the other side of the shuttle from a sudden force of impact that was loud and really quite jarring considering we were in zero gravity. "Rude!" I said out loud as the shuttle door suddenly opened like an overused Power Point slide fader outerer. Standing there were two really gross insect looking.... aliens I guess. All green and brown with gross mouths that jutted out from there triangular heads. Their eyes were two bulbous baubles on the end of a stick that shot out of the middle of their heads. They reminded me of a pray mantis with their stick like arms that were incredibly long and bent in the middle. Ewe and their feet were so typically weird (wait is that an oxymoron? typically weird? I'm reading about them at the moment out of sheer boredom), they just looked like they could use some serious pedicure type treatment or something.

Delroy and I were just stunned and shocked we just floated there with our mouths open staring at them. They seemed to be carrying some sort of gun looking thing as well so we both naturally started putting our hands up. They started making ugly cricket type noises as if they were talking to us and we were like "ah sorry but we don't understand". Delroy made an heroic chivalrous type gesture by moving in front of me as if to protect me. I was really impressed and realised how much I like him, I felt my heart make a little flutter.

The cricket aliens started pressing buttons on their wrist watch cell phone thing and next minute "What are you two humans doing up here in this pathetic flight module?" "We did not grant permission for you to be here in our quadrant" said their wrist watch after they made crickety, slushy noises into it.

"We were forced to be here by our own people" Delroy said. "Yeah they drugged me and forced me to wear this ridiculous outfit that has the inseam of an elephants crutch and not one dart, not one! and we have to be here, in this, for a year" I said with my hands flinging outwards. They turned off their translator thingy and started talking to each other and then it seemed like they were laughing at us. I never heard a cricket or a praying mantis laugh before but it was so damned ugly my ears were begging me to stop listening but I couldn't.

Then they turned on their translator and said "We were going to take you with us but we feel sorry for you both". "Yes we can see now how cruel your people must be, we have never seen such ugly shells on something as those ones that you have. Can you not shed them and grow another one?" Well I have never been so humiliated than I was right then and there. I was just about to give them what for and Delroy grabbed me and I could see he didn't want me to say anything. "I told you these things were frikken ugly" I whispered back to him angrily. "Yes but they just saved our lives I think so be nice and keep nodding". "Ah no, we can not shed our shells sir we need this to survive here" said Delroy very respectfully.

Those cricket men did some more cricket laughing and with that they shut the door to the shuttle as fancy as they opened it. The shuttled jerked again and we knew that they had gone. I just looked at Delroy and he looked at me and we both just burst out laughing.

Ten months to go but you know what I kinda felt ok about my ugly suit now. It just saved our lives.

The end