Falling Forward

The sticky red liquid had pooled partly on its wrapper and partly on the counter leaving its stick lonely. The rest of the liquid had managed to drip off the counter and left a quarter-sized puddle on the floor.

“Damn it!” Jenny sighed. “I don’t have time for this!”

The loss of the cherry popsicle was not worth mourning; it wasn’t the ice cream she had desired anyway. Her beloved creamy, chocolaty goodness was too many points on her diet plan. Sure she could have eaten the recommended fourth of a cup serving size, but who has enough self-control for that? The look on Ethan’s face had she chosen the ice cream would have inevitably led to an argument anyway, so she had resigned herself to the popsicle.   

Jenny had been slow waking up; she hadn’t even made it to her bed last night. Mornings were not her friend in general, but on this morning Jenny had winced as she struggled to get off the floor. She had almost fallen down a couple of times before she was finally upright. Someone had taken the air from her lungs and replaced her brain with it; she was a balloon floating away. She had barely managed to get ready for work, and now she had to deal with the forgotten popsicle. Jenny looked at the clock on the stove. She could still make it to work on time if she hurried. She threw the wrapper and the stick into the trash. Then she sprayed the counter and floor with cleaner, wiped it up with paper towels, and headed out the door. 

After a long day at work, Jenny had hailed a taxi to the health clinic. The lobby wasn’t too busy, so she hoped it wouldn’t take forever. The whole day she had been in a weird funk. Her bed was calling her name, but she couldn’t reschedule. It had been demolition day at the new house the day before. Ethan had told Jenny he would do the renovations, but Jenny had stopped in to check on him. The rusty nail had been hidden amongst the rubble. The sole of Jenny’s dress pumps were no match for the rusty nail. 

The lobby of the clinic was a typical doctor’s office with a reception window to the right of the door. There were chairs up against the walls and a line of chairs back-to-back down the middle of the room. Magazines lay atop the side tables, presumably to help patients pass time. Jenny went to the window and checked in. Then, she found a seat in the waiting area and picked up her book. She tried to read, but she couldn’t focus. Her chest was tight and she felt winded even though she hadn’t exerted herself.   

After about fifteen minutes, a short, trim, female nurse in burgundy scrubs came out a door that led to the exam rooms. Her auburn hair was in a messy bun and she had a nametag that said Tina. Tina looked to be in her mid-forties. 

“Jennifer Spearman,” she called. 

Jenny rose too quickly. She felt as though she had been drinking sitting down, only realizing how drunk she was upon standing.

“Whoa, easy does it.” Tina grabbed Jenny’s arm to steady her. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine.”

 Tina guided Jenny back through the door from which she had come. They went past a few doors before stopping at exam room four. Tina led Jenny inside. The room was fluorescent bright, cold, and sterile. The smell of disinfectant hung in the air clinging to the inside of Jenny’s nose making her queasier. Against the wall closest to the door were two metal chairs and a blue padded exam table. Across the room was a white Formica counter that was surrounded by dark gray cabinets, with a sink squarely in the middle of them. On the counter was a glass jar with tongue depressors, a box of gloves, and various medical instruments. Tina still had a hand on Jenny, and finally let go as she sat Jenny in a chair. On the table was a small metal tray with a rather large needle. Jenny looked away; her stomach was in knots.  She bounced her legs up and down. 

“Are you alright?” Tina asked.

“I’m peachy,” Jenny lied. 

“You look pale.” Tina placed the back of her hand on Jenny’s forehead. 

“I don’t like needles.” 

“Take some deep breaths.” Tina said. 

Tina walked over to the counter and picked up a thermometer. She scanned Jenny’s forehead. 

“97.3. Perfectly normal.”

Tina then grabbed a pulse ox and clipped it onto Jenny’s finger. They waited until Tina could see the numbers and then she removed it. 

“Your oxygen saturation is low.”

           “I’m antsy about the shot.” Jenny replied.

“I know. I’m not trying to torture you. I promise.” Tina smiled.

She picked up Jenny’s wrist and unbuttoned the cuff of Jenny’s blouse. Then she felt Jenny’s pulse. Tina frowned ever so slightly, but it caught Jenny’s attention. 

           “Is something wrong?” Jenny inquired. 

“Sit tight I’ll be right back.” Tina responded. 

Tina didn’t waste any time and was back in the room quickly dragging an oxygen tank with her.   

“How are you doing, dear?”

I’d be better if I wasn’t here.

“I’m good. The oxygen isn’t for me is it, because I don’t need it?”

Before Tina had a chance to answer, there was a knock on the door. It took Jenny a moment to realize that she actually recognized the man who walked in. His sister was a colleague of Jenny’s, and Jenny had met him a couple of times at the office. He was wearing khaki colored dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt. A stethoscope hung around his neck. 

“Caleb?” Jenny said in surprise. “I..I.. mean…Doctor?” She stuttered. 

“Hi Jenny.” 

Jenny felt herself blush. Caleb was standing right in front of her; his piercing blue eyes popped against his shirt. 

“I’m confused,” Jenny admitted. “I’m only here for my tetus snot.” “tetanus shot,” she enunciated slowly. Her voice trembled. She felt even more awkward now. Why did she have to open her mouth? She was kicking herself for even getting into this situation. She should have gone home after work. Was the shot necessary? 

“Jenny? Jenny?” Caleb’s voice became louder, stronger. “Jennifer.” His hand was on her shoulder, nudging her. 

“Huh?” Jenny hadn’t even realized that she had spaced out.

As she came to, all she could see was a bright light emanating from the end of a pen. It passed in front of her eyes. She blinked. When her eyes had focused completely, she saw that Caleb had crouched down to her level. His eyes were searching hers. Now, Tina was standing to Jenny’s left, placing the oxygen tube around her ears and putting the little nubs in her nose. 

 Jenny grabbed the oxygen tube and was pulling it from her face when she said, “I don’t need this. I am just tired.”

“I beg to differ. You were passed out on me.”  Caleb positioned the tube back on her; his hands were soft against her face. 

“I was?”

“Mhmm.”

“Oh.”

Caleb reached behind Jenny and grabbed a blood pressure cuff out of the basket on the wall. Then he set it down on the exam table. 

“Can you take your suit jacket off?” He asked.

“Uhh…” She didn’t want to comply; her jacket was a shield, her shell, an extra layer protecting her from being exposed, vulnerable, but she knew she was losing the fight. Instead of taking her whole jacket off though, she took her right arm out and extended it toward him. 

“I’m going to roll up your sleeve, okay?”

She hesitated, and then nodded reluctantly. Tina hadn’t re-buttoned Jenny’s cuff, so Caleb gingerly pushed her sleeve up toward her shoulder revealing the truth. Jenny fidgeted waiting for him to question her. He didn’t though. Instead, he picked the cuff back up and wrapped it around her arm. Taking the stethoscope from around his neck, he placed it in his ears and pressed the other end in the crook of her arm, under the cuff. Jenny could feel it tighten, and it was so tight she inadvertently held her breath. She would be amazed if her blood pressure wasn’t sky high. Any faster and her heart was going to leap out of her chest. The cuff deflated, and Jenny exhaled. Caleb turned toward Tina. 

“80 over 40” and as he said this, Tina wrote down the information.   

Jenny was surprised, but she knew enough from her love affair with medical dramas to know that this was low.

“Your blood pressure is really low. Is it normally low?” Caleb asked. 

“No.”

“We’ll give it another try in a minute.” He grabbed a metal stool with wheels on it and sat down in front of her.  

“I’m just sleepy.” She yawned. “I had long day at work today.” 

“I hear you. My sister has told me some crazy client stories.” He said.

“Yeah, she and I joke that we are going to write a book. You can’t make this stuff up.” Jenny laughed. 

“You really can’t.” He chuckled. 

“Alright counselor, I’m going to check your blood pressure again. Let’s try your left arm this time.”

 She thought she had outsmarted him, but alas, he wins again. 

Jenny caved and removed her left arm from her jacket. Caleb re-checked Jenny’s blood pressure, pushing up the sleeve of her blouse in the same manner as he had done with her right arm. After he returned his stethoscope to his neck, he softly grabbed Jenny’s wrist and studied his watch. 

“Your pulse is rapid and weak, and your breathing is shallow. Any pain or tightness in your chest?”

“Some, but it’s not that bad.”

Caleb removed the tray from the exam table and set it on the counter.

“Can you hop up on the table for me?” His hand patted the table.

“I’d rather not.” Jenny replied a little blunter that she had intended. 

“I can give you a hand.”

“No, thanks.”

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

 “I want to go home.”

“What, was it something I said?”

“No… I mean… It’s not you. I…”

“Jenny, I was kidding.”

“Oh. Really, I’m fine, though.”

“Great, then I’ll let you go after I give you a once over.”

“But…but…no.” She whimpered. 

“It’s okay, Jenny. Let me take care of you. Take some slow, deep breaths.”

She inhaled and exhaled as best as she could.

 “Good. Now we’re going to move you to the table.”

This time it was a statement and not a question. Jenny’s protestations hadn’t gotten her anywhere. The decision had already been made and the players were already in motion.  Tina reached under the table and pulled out a step stool. Caleb offered her his hand. She grabbed it and stood up. She climbed the stool and sat on the table. Tina was behind her wheeling the oxygen tank and untangling the tube as Jenny moved. Jenny sat on the edge swinging her legs off the side.  

“I’m going to have a listen to your heart.” Caleb said.

Jenny had her blouse buttoned all the way up to her collar. Caleb leaned forward. His hands were almost on her chest. 

“I am going to unbutton a few of your buttons...”

Jenny exploded. Her hands flew up to her collar over her buttons. 

“Please, no, don’t touch me. Don’t hurt me.” 

She leaned back wishing she could disappear into the wall. Tears started streaming down her face. A baffled Caleb, moved backward to give her more space. He put his hands up in surrender.

Trying to comfort her without touching her, he said, “Shhh, I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

Through her sobs Jenny said, “nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“I don’t like people touching me.”

“I see. You let me take your blood pressure and pulse.”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“Never mind. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

“I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Would you be more comfortable if a female doctor examined you?” 

“No.”

“Are you sure? I won’t be offended.”

“I’m sure.”

Caleb walked over to the upper-left cabinet. He opened it and pulled out a box of tissues. He handed the tissues to Jenny.

“Thank you,” she said sheepishly. 

Caleb nodded. Jenny took the tissues, wiped her eyes, and blew her nose. 

“Jenny, this is a safe place. You know that, right? You can tell me anything.”

“I know.”

“Good because I want to have an honest discussion with you. It might be hard and uncomfortable. Trust me, it’s not fun for me either, but I’m worried about you. I think you’re afraid of something.”

Jenny didn’t answer. She avoided making eye contact and cast her gaze toward the floor.

“I noticed earlier that you had bruises on your arms. How did that happen?”

Still looking down, Jenny mumbled. “I fell. I’m klutzy.”

“How did you fall?”

“I… I fell down a few steps. No big deal.”

At least that was partially true. She could still feel Ethan’s fists pummel into her chest, shoulders, and stomach. Her arms were in front of her trying to absorb the sting as her body moved backward.  Pain radiated through her body. His face was the color of the popsicle; a vain popped in his neck.  She had really done it this time and she was going to pay. How could she have been so stupid? If she had just stayed away from the new house and let him do what he wanted, then they wouldn’t be arguing. Unfortunately, she didn’t watch where she was going, and she fell down the entire flight of stairs. The fact that the stairs were carpeted provided little relief.           

“What caused you to fall?”

“I don’t know.”

Tears were welling in her eyes again and were softly rolling down her cheeks.  

“I think you do. Did someone cause you to fall?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Who?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Did he push you?”

“Sort of. It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention when I was backing away from him.”

“It is most certainly not your fault. Do you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Did he hit you?”

“Yes.  He punched me.”

“Where did he punch you?”

“It was mostly my chest and torso.”

“I’m assuming you have bruises there too?”

“Yes.”

“May I see them?”

Jenny’s head was still bowed. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and nodded ever so slightly.

“Can you remove your shirt?”   

This time Jenny didn’t object. Her fingers trembled as she unbuttoned her blouse. Once it was off, Jenny sank into herself. She folded her arms over herself desperately trying to retain a shred of modesty. She didn’t have many bruises. She had one enormous bruise. Her whole chest and abdomen were black, blue, and purple. One at a time, Caleb gently took Jenny’s arms and placed them by her side. He then positioned his stethoscope back into his ears and touched the other end to Jenny’s chest. He moved it around listening to her heart and lungs. Jenny’s back was bruised too, but those bruises were separate and distinct.  He laid her down and percussed and palpated her chest and abdomen. She grimaced. 

“Sorry.” He said.

He sat her back up and Tina covered her with a gown. 

“The verdict is in.” He said. “Your symptoms are indicative of a collapsed lung. I also suspect that you have some broken ribs. You’ll need x-rays to confirm.”

“What does this mean?”

“I’m sending you to the hospital.”

“What if I’m afraid?”

“It’s normal to be scared. I would be too, but I will be right beside you every step of the way. I am not going to let anyone hurt you ever again.”

“Thank you.”

And with that her mind wandered back to the forgotten popsicle. The popsicle mess was the trigger to the night before, but she had cleaned up the mess. She had a long road ahead of her, but now was the beginning of something new. For the popsicle itself hadn’t mattered much, not really. Besides, she was an ice cream girl at heart anyway.