Deserved

The beam leads our way. The place it brings us to intrigued us. We assumed it was empty, that someone turned on the light each evening; people don’t live in them anymore do they? I should have voiced that question aloud at some stage not when we are standing outside said lighthouse and face to face with the biggest Doberman ever. Drool escapes his mouth I think he’s salivating at the thought of eating us. Aoife’s brilliant plan to scare the pants of our friends at Halloween is working, but on me. We had foolishly decided to check the place out first, be the givers of the best venue ever. I'm never listening to her again.

“What could be cooler than a lighthouse?” she’d said. 

Well, right now, whatever is running down my legs is cool. I am rooted to the spot. Aoife starts making soothing noises to the ever-moving closer Doberman. We hear a door shut from inside and then footsteps heading our way.

 “Buster. Where are you? What has gotten you going now? Another bleeding rabbit eh?” 

The owner of the voice laughs when he sees our predicament. Decides he has no need for the gun and places it on the ground. 

“Buster, come here, good boy, calm down, sit. What are you two doing down here in the middle of the night? I could have been frightened and shot you. I may still do, have you come to rob the place?”

I find my voice first. “No, I’m sorry we just wanted a look. Sorry for bothering you.” I turn to leave dragging Aoife with me. 

“Hang on, don't go yet, please, I’m a gentleman and not much of a one if I didn’t offer a cup of tea,” and gazing down at me with a smirk “and a chance to freshen up, now would I.”

Aoife has that weird gleam in her eye “Charley, where’s the harm?”

Oh no, she fancies him. I do not blame her, he is gorgeous, but I can’t think of my nether regions, besides the patch forming in that area.

“Yeah come on Charley I can give you the tour. I promise I am as safe as they come. It can get lonely just me and Buster here the company of two gorgeous ladies will do me no harm.”

She titters and I know it is a lost cause. We are heading in. 

Oh, it is gorgeous; I mean five stars. I am flabbergasted. Who knew this gem was hiding in the old but sturdy and strong walls. There are a Kitchen and Dining Room right in the heart of it, it’s just waiting for guests to come and use it. 

“Charley I can see you like the place, I’ll tell you all about it, let’s retire to the Drawing room, and make ourselves comfortable.”

“Yes, please, this place is charming. Could I use a bathroom first, and what do we call you.”

“Apologies I’m Fintan.” His proffered hand is shaken profusely as I love the building. I can see a business opportunity here in the future. “Just down the hall there on the left.”

The room I enter is beautiful, decorated in Egyptian style. There are scarabs everywhere. Hanging from walls and even stenciled into the light fittings. An ancient sign of fertility I will not be staying here, Fintan might get ideas, Aoife would, though. They have kept all the period fixtures and fittings and the bed looks super-comfortable. A wood burning stove adds to the overall feeling of coziness.

It has an ensuite bathroom. I take of my jeans and underwear and blitz them both under the hand dryer. You would want a magnifying glass to see a stain now. I reluctantly leave and head toward the Drawing Room. There’s a wonderful, welcoming fire, armchairs, and sofas to sit and read, or simply do nothing. I jump involuntarily; Aoife and Fintan are in a loving embrace on one of the said sofas. 

“I’m so sorry, didn’t realize.”

Aoife just giggles but Fintan again takes charge.

“Charley, Aoife has agreed to stay the night. I can give you a lift or you are welcome to stay, you have a choice of six guest rooms.”

“I was hoping to ask about this place, its fab. I want to know all about it. I am assuming it has not opened for business yet. I’d be very interested in talking to the owner about rates and so on.”

“Charley for flip sake, can’t you see were busy here. Now let Fintan take you to one of the rooms, have a peaceful night sleep and you two can discuss business over breakfast in the morning.”

“Aoife’s right, I’ve got just the room.”

 He brings me up to the tower, a winding staircase to a bedroom with stunning sea views. I’m entranced picturing myself snuggled in the bed imagining the security the light once gave to ships tossing on the seas below.

“It’s beautiful, thank you. Don’t bring her to the Egyptian room she doesn’t need fertilizing.”

“The last thing I want to do is fertilize her.”

He is still laughing as he descends the staircase. 

Next morning when I go to the Kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, Fintan is there already. 

“Hi, I had the best night sleep ever. Where’s Aoife?”

“Sleeping beauty is in the honeymoon suite, snoring like a freight train.”

“Ah, that’s what that was. I’m going to head home. I’m leaving you my number if you could ring me with details. I know a few people that would be interested.”

“You can leave them with me I’ll pass them on. Security changes a lot here. It is so isolated you probably will not see me again. They’ll move me on.”

“It was nice to meet you. Get Aoife to ring me when she gets home.”

“I’ll give her a lift later.”

Aoife rings me at about nine that evening to let me know she’s safe and home. I am used to her shenanigans so do not bother remonstrating. I cannot stop laughing the next day though when she rings me to tell me Fintan fertilized her alright, with a nice batch of crabs. Well deserved, I say, I'm still laughing to myself half an hour later, while getting a biscuit and making a cup of tea.