Agatha Christie--Not!

The decrepit door on the rundown building creaked as he opened it, almost falling off its hinges. The eerie light in the cobweb-covered interior revealed a long, dark corridor illuminated on each side only by a series of book lights, one every few feet.

John’s girlfriend Jane had texted him a half hour before and told him to drive to an abandoned mansion on what had deteriorated into the seedier side of their small rural town. She had forwarded directions, one message at a time, separated by agonizing intervals of five minutes. Her voice sounded so strange and urgent that he felt he had to quickly respond. It seemed like she might face some type of danger.

When the boyfriend arrived the building and the area around it seemed deserted, with no sign of life, including his lady love or her car.

Could she have arrived earlier and had something, or someone, spirited her away or attacked and kidnapped her?

John and Jane had run into a few bumps in the road of their relationship recently, including the fact that she had accused him, entirely without cause, of infidelity.

John, a fairly serious scholarly type, also had become tired of the practical jokes Jane had played throughout their six-month relationship. Had John once again become the victim of a prank?

He continued to follow along the narrow path in the dimly-lit space and found that, rather than continuing in a straight line, every 10 feet or so the path twisted and turned, similar to the funhouses in the many old-timey amusement parks that once populated the resort area where the couple had met.

On and on the boyfriend walked, growing more fearful with each step. Then, out of the darkness, a door flew open on the right side of the passageway, almost knocking him off his feet.

Guess I better enter, he thought, I have to unravel this mystery. She must be in trouble or have a damn good reason for leading me through this maze. If this is another one of her gags, I’m going to really lay into her.

With that he continued to follow the snake-like trail and stepped gingerly down

several other twists and turns illuminated again by the strange reading lights. At the end, he found himself in a room stacked high with all kinds of books–mystery novels, science fiction, reference works.

Suddenly, an old and unusually large version of Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary fell from a shelf near the top of the 12-foot ceiling, covering John with dust and almost knocking him out.

The volume fell open to the word faithfulness, and, as the young man stared at the definition, something swept him into the book and through another strange passage leading to a dimly-lit room.

A structure resembling a theater stood at the front of the room. From the center, Jane looked down on her beau from a podium on a stage, behind which she read from what appeared to be a legal book.

John Smith, the Court of Modern Day Romance has summoned you here because you stand accused of cheating on your girlfriend with the blond-haired secretary in your firm. If you admit to the charges and pledge repentance without a repeat of the offenses the court will allow you to return home and live the rest of your life in peace. Should you not repent and continue with your evil ways, you will be forced to live out your life only as a footnote in history in the Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. How say you?

Totally perplexed and in disbelief of the drama unfolding before him, the boyfriend closed his eyes hoping the nightmare that had interrupted his life would soon end. When he opened his eyes, nothing had changed.

He tried to turn around and escape, but a strangely magnetic force held him glued to the ground inside the pages of the book.

“Jane,” he shouted, “you have no idea what you are talking about. I never have cheated on you. If you have some strange power over me I’ll participate in your little game and plead guilty to your lie, just so this whole fantasy will end. If you have somehow cooked up this whole deal to punk me I don’t see how our relationship can continue.”

Then Judge Jane presented witness after witness, including people John had counted as life-long friends and co-workers. The most startling testimony came from Marie, a secretary who John had spoken to only once or twice on his job. She accused John of double-timing both her and his girlfriend.

Noone came forward to refute any of their claims and the young man didn’t have an opportunity to present a defense in what he saw as a kangaroo court.

After about a half hour of vicious accusations, the girlfriend-magistrate slammed down her gavel and prepared to have John’s sentence carried out. Suddenly, the podium disappeared, the book closed and the boyfriend found himself sitting in his car outside the strange house.

His ringing cellphone startled John and Jane appeared on its screen.

“Gottcha,” she said, “Happy Birthday. Since you have served as the local librarian here for five years, I thought you would appreciate the literary humor. A few of your co-workers helped me decorate the converted mansion which served as the town library long before you joined the staff. We also enlisted the help of the local theater company to carry out this little drama. Sorry if my present scared the hell out of you.”

After John got over his temper tantrum about his girlfriend’s latest stunt, they did get a big laugh out of the joke. She explained she had staged the little drama to make up for her silly jealousy over a non-existent cheating episode.

To make up for scaring the hell out of him, he insisted that she treat him to the most elaborate and expensive birthday dinner their town’s most exclusive eatery could provide.

He wasn’t sure if he would devise a fitting response to her gift–or even if he had the imagination to dream one up.