Trading the moon for a sunrise

It was our eighteenth birthday, and like every year since we were fifteen, my best friend Alex and I woke up and took the two minute walk to the beach to watch the sunrise. I have to admit that it felt a little surreal to not have to sneak out, or at least not have to climb down the tree outside my upstairs window. We sat in the sand, thermos of coffee waiting for us to drink it as colors started to fill the sky. The night was quiet, with only the sound of the waves to keep us company. I remember pushing the sand around with my feet, and Alex complaining that all the sand in my sandals would give us away later. Truthfully, I couldn't bring myself to care, and I heard him laugh as I covered both my feet in sand and turned to him with a wide smile. He called me crazy, then gave me a smile before covering his own feet in the sand as we both fell back laughing and looking up at the sky. The sun slowly rose, coloring the sky like a perfect watercolor painting. Blues, pinks, the odd but of orange began to dance across the sky. Soon people would wake up, mothers would begin to make breakfast for their families. Fathers would be on their way to work, some in suits and some in hard hats. Children would be slowly walking from their rooms, rubbing their eyes and trudging down halls with their tiny feet. The world was waking up, but for us, this small piece of time seemed to stand still. In the end we stood up, dusting as much sand off our clothes as we could, and made the two minute walk back to my house, letting the trail of our footprints be washed away by the tide.

Alex had said everything was going to change. High school was over, and in a few short months we would be headed to different colleges. Of course I argued that nothing would ever change, it would always be us against the world even if we had to do it from opposite sides of the country. Alex was never the optimistic type, but In my mind, nothing could ever change.

For a while, I was right and nothing had change. We still met every year on our shared birthday, holidays and any other time we could get back to the same place. We wrote constant emails, and annoyed both our roommates with late night video calls. We each attended the other's graduations, both of us trying to out-do the other in cheering. Eventually we both moved back home, and we're roommates in my parents house after they moved to a new city for my dad's work. I began writing and Alex worked for the local animal clinic as their new veterinarian.

More years flew by, seeing us falling in love with each other, to our white wedding by the sea. I remember loving the seashells in my hair, and look in Alex's eyes as I walked to him down the aisle. Both our parents celebrated hard that night, they always knew we would end up together. Life had changed, but it was still Alex and I against the world. We had nights spent watching movies on an old leather sofa, debates on the plots never-ending. Endless dinners from the one chinese place we loved because I was never good at cooking but Alex loved me too much to say it to my face. Days when I got so frustrated at my writing that Alex had to pull me away, dragging me out to swim until I reluctantly gave in. They were truly the best years of my life. Yes time was privy to everything we had, even the bad times. Time followed us when Alex got sick, and through the hours of treatments, to the days when I could hardly get him to eat. It followed us to the nights when Alex begged me to take him out to the sea, stating nothing calmed him like the waves, and I would half carry him to the sand, as we spent hours watching the stars. It followed us still to the last hours of holding my only love's hand as he breathed to shallow to hear. Most importantly, time followed me to the sea again, where I looked up at the sky and told my love of the two pink lines I saw that day. I guess everything did change, as Alex predicted so long ago. Some change was good, some was a nightmare, and some change... Was just inevitable.

It's my twenty-seventh birthday today, and like every year since I was fifteen, I made that two minute walk to the beach. Only this time, I'm sitting on the sand, looking at the moon alone. It's been a year since I told Alex he could let go. One year since I last heard the words I love you.

I still live in our house though my parents have long since come back to live with me. They help me care for the precious gift Alex left behind in the form of our beautiful daughter. A small piece of my beloved that I get to love for all eternity, but I can't bring her here yet. Some part of me is selfish, and wants to keep this part of us, just a little while longer.

"She looks just like you Alex, all curly hair and wide smiles." I tell him of her laugh, and the way she can't stop putting her feet in her mouth. Everything he is missing, everything he should know, I tell to the bright star by the moon. He can't be here, but I know he is watching. My heart aches, and I want to cry. Then all I can hear his voice, so clear as he tells me to smile. So instead of crying, I'll look at the moon, and wait for the next sunrise.