Not Such a Fool

I hate the way people think it’s a necessity to play a prank on someone just because it’s that date…1^st April. It’s probably because I’ve been pranked a few times in my life and didn’t enjoy any of them!

When I was a youngster at school it seemed to be the day for the boys in our class to do ridiculous things – such as tell you that the principal had asked to see you and looked ‘mad as hell’. You would walk very slowly to his office, sweating and trying to think of what it was you had done to warrant a trip to the stuffy dark room where you could either get yelled at or six of the best on your hand with a cane. When you got there and quietly said to him “Good morning sir. You wanted to see me?” he would answer in a loud gruff voice “I certainly did not. Now stop wasting my time!”

You would run back to class ready to thump the ‘trickster’.

Another of the usual April fool’s stunts would be that someone would leave a folded note on a teacher’s desk saying ‘You are the best teacher I have ever had and I am learning so much in your classes’ and signed in your name! You would have no idea what the teacher meant when they came up to you and said “Thank you for the note but it’s inappropriate and please don’t do it again”.

The sniggering that was going on all around you gave the indication that you were the butt of some sort of joke or as your fellow classmates informed you at morning break, “Well you’re a right April fool now aren’t you?” So there was more thumping to be done!

As I progressed through high school and then University the April fooling got more serious. It was ‘grown up stuff”….

There was one year that one of my ‘mates’ got his sister to imitate the voice of a girl who I really fancied to tell me that after all the cajoling, asking and even begging, she was now ready to meet me for a coffee. “It has to be before Uni” she informed me and told me where she would like to meet me.

I was so nervous and not for an instant did I find it odd that suddenly this girl, whom, I had been told a million times by my mates, was “way out of my league’ suddenly wanted to meet me.

It was as if I had never dated before – sweaty palms and a change of outfit three times before I was ready. Pulling up into the car bay I had decided to ‘play it cool’….after all she had strung me along for quite a while, but now obviously decided I was a ‘good catch’ after all.

The café was quite busy, mainly with business people on their way to work and uni students getting in their caffeine fix to wake them for the day ahead. I looked around but couldn’t see her. Then I spied my good friend Nick. ‘That’s a coincidence’ I thought as I walked up to him. “Hi Nick. Fancy seeing you here on the best morning of my life” I half joked. “Who are you meeting?” I asked.

“Me? No-one. “I’m simply here to observe”. He laughed.

I had no idea what he meant so asked him “What do you mean observe?”

“Observe you my fool…..Happy April fool’s day” and with this two more of my so called ‘mates’ walked into the café laughing like crazy!

I didn’t think it was at all funny. In fact I was angry and somewhat embarrassed too. Storming out I was aware I was angrier with myself for not realising what day it was and actually being taken for a fool. Never again I vowed would I be caught out – never!

That episode was long forgotten when the only other time I was ‘April fooled’ occurred.

I was in my twenties and obviously my friends had not matured in the least over the years when it came to April fool’s day.

It was my one day of the week to have a sleep in. The night before had been quite a ‘sociable’ event and it had been a very late night when I went to bed. Around 5am my phone next to the bed rang – too loud and sharp for my head and eyes. Grabbing what I hoped was the phone hand piece I answered sleepily “Yeah”

“Is that Mr. David Jackson?’

“Yeah”

“It is the Westfield Police Station here”

With the mention of that I sat bolt upright and rubbed my eyes with one hand. My head was throbbing and I actually couldn’t open up my eyes.

“Yes” I said a little more alert.

“Do you own a blue Vauxhall Astra car registration DB51 SMT?”

I couldn’t think what the full registration was because my head was thumping but I did recognise the make and most of the rego numbers.

“Well I don’t actually own it but yes that’s my car. Why?” I asked very confused.

“Was the car parked outside your premises last night?”

“Umm” I tried to reason with my brain and was urging it to waken fully. “I had my car parked two streets away and didn’t use it last night” I had taken cabs last night instead of driving. “Can you please tell me what’s happened to the car?” I asked starting to panick.

“We have reason to believe your car was stolen last night and set alight about five kilometres from where you live”

I started to feel sick. It wasn’t actually my car. It was my sister’s and she had lent it to me until mine was out of the garage getting fixed up. “Oh No” I said aloud, feeling really nauseous by now, putting on my t-shirt and jeans from the night before almost breaking my neck trying to pull them up.

I grabbed the key to my flat and my wallet and slammed the door shut, rushing outside into the fresh air, only to be greeted once again, by my ‘mates’ all chorusing ‘April fool’. I stared at them all in utter disbelief – they all looked as if they hadn’t even been home from the night before – not knowing whether to hurl profanities at them or laugh with them. I was so annoyed but at the same time relieved that it wasn’t true about the car. Just as I was deciding what to feel or do, I had to run as fast as I could up to my bathroom to be sick!!

So after those April fool tricks over the years I vowed to only do good deeds on the first of April just to be different and also to surprise people with something nice rather than perhaps a mean trick.

So here I was on April fool’s day thinking of the good deeds I could do and who to do them for. I had a day off and I would put it to good use.

I knew that the elderly lady in the unit above would probably love to go out for a cuppa – I overheard her one day telling a somewhat younger resident of the block that ‘her son had washed his hands of her and she never heard from him, even though she knew he was ‘doing alright’ because she saw him occasionally on the television talking finance’. She even added the fact that her daughter in law wasn’t keen on her either, so I decided today was the day she might like to go out. I had seen her at the communal washing line a few times and smiled at her and even though she didn’t smile back I wasn’t put off – I even tried to help her peg up a couple of articles of clothing one day when she couldn’t reach the line, but after I retrieved the garment she had dropped onto the grass, she snatched it out of my hand and told me in a sharp voice “I don’t need your help” thank you!

I knew elderly people could be ‘difficult’ at times but that didn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Knocking on her door softly I stood and waited. She opened the wooden door and spoke through the fly wire door to me “Yes what do you want? I’m not interested in buying anything. I’m not religious and I couldn’t care less about the candidates for the upcoming election!” she said with a much raised voice.

“Oh no nothing like that. I’m your neighbour, Charles. I live in the unit below you. I was just wondering if you would care to come out for a cup of tea at the café on the corner of our street. It’s April the first and I like to do a good deed for someone instead of the usual tricks and pranks that people think are funny and usually aren’t!

“What did you say about tricks? I don’t understand you?”

“No not tricks. I was just wondering if you would like to have a cup of tea with me as we are neighbours. I’m not sure if you get to go out much – what was your name? – but I would like to take you out” he mumbled starting to feel like this situation wasn’t going well and it had been a mistake.

“My name is none of your business young man. My daughter will be here soon to take me out but if you don’t leave immediately I will call the police” she shouted.

“Look I’m sorry if you got the wrong impression but I am just trying to be neighbourly and do a good deed. I’m sorry if I upset you…yes I’ll go immediately” and he scampered down the stairs.

“You’re just a pervert wanting to take old ladies out for tea” she called after him.

Charles rushed into his unit and sat down, shaken and disappointed. ‘That went well” he said aloud.

He started to think back to last year on April fool’s day and what had happened. He had offered to help his cousin Miranda paint her unit – she accepted gratefully – already fed up of doing it herself after only a few hours. She had always been lazy and a bit ‘slap dash’. When the two families had ever gone camping together her tent was always the one to slide down in the middle of the night because when she was responsible for the one and only job of banging four pegs into the ground, it had been too difficult after two pegs, so two pegs was all she did! We would all hear her mother, my aunty telling her “Miranda you are so lazy”!

Anyway I turned up ready to paint and climbed up onto the plank. “Where’s your drop sheet?” I asked Miranda.

“I didn’t have one so I’ve put an old towel under the ladder” she replied nonchalantly.

“I’m not sure that will be enough.

Should we get a few more old towels?” I asked, worried about the carpet underneath.

“It’s fine David. Stop worrying. I trust you not to spill any paint. You’re too careful for that” she replied winking at me.

I climbed paint-pot in hand to do the cornices feeling a bit under pressure to be extremely careful. I didn’t like it when I was praised for being good at something – it never worked out well. I had been painting for about ten minutes when I noticed that the ladder wasn’t secured in the middle. I was about to get down and put the chain into the hook when the ladder began to wobble slightly … which would have been alright if I hadn’t got a fright and jumped off – taking the almost full paint pot with me….up sloshed the paint into the air and down onto the carpet. It wasn’t good!

Of course it was my entire fault. Miranda told me I shouldn’t have panicked and jumped off and I told her I wouldn’t have panicked if the chain had of been put on in the first place.

We both tried to wipe the white paint off the dark grey carpet the best we could and even got a bucket of warm water and gave it a go but in the end it looked terrible.

Miranda unfairly told me that she didn’t need my help and would do it all herself. So I left feeling both annoyed at her behaviour and embarrassed that I’d ruined my reputation for being ‘too careful’!

David didn’t know what to think any more about April fool’s day. He’d been ‘had’ enough times and he had also been made a fool off trying not to get involved with the ‘silly’ side of the day. He felt like he couldn’t win. As he sat pondering about what he should do for the remainder of the day the phone rang…and his instincts told him to be very wary about what rubbish he was about to hear at the other end of the phone.

“Hello David here” he said, wondering if he was about to hear the disguised voice of one of his friends.

“Mr. David Jackson?” the voice enquired.

“Yes it is” answered David listening intently and almost certain it was his friend Nick.

“We’re here to very happily inform you that the raffle ticket you had in the Marsden Soccer Club raffle has won you the first prize of five thousand dollars. I’m sure you will be thrilled with that news David?” the voice continued.

“Listen to me Nick”. He confidently told him “You got me a few times over the years with your April fool pranks but not this time mate. Try it on someone else’ I’ve had enough. It’s not funny anymore!” and with that he hung up, pretty pleased with himself.

“He thinks I was someone called Nick and I was pulling a prank. We’re going to have to go over and present him with the cheque later on today. Won’t he be surprised”. The president of the soccer club said to his fellow committee member.