Love is ice-skating outside in the summer

‘Oops.’ Martin verbalised after triggering a sudden snowstorm in the middle of summer. It was the witching hour, prime magic time, and he had attempted something relatively simply. Execution was where things went wrong. Instead of the small duck pond across from his block of flats freezing over Martin had started a violent flurry of snow of indeterminate size. He stood at the centre of said storm acutely aware of how much trouble he was in. Three or six glasses of red wine rendered Martin’s reasoning slightly skewed to the extreme. Teleport to Australia, he thought, immediately.

Luckily, he had neither the appropriate skill nor the expensive components on hand to achieve such a feat. The Magic Cop textbook told them to look for traces of a teleportation spell around any unlicensed magical incidents. Plausible deniability. It was the only sensible course of action.

A sleepless night of trying to sleep like an innocent person later and Martin was out on the street attempting to look as befuddled as everyone else. Thankfully the snow flurry was reduced to a more manageable Christmas-esc steady downpour. Children were having snowball fights while their parents bemoaned how this might affect picnic and beach trips. Martin thanked his otherwise stupid red wine mind for attempting this nonsense on the weekend or furious office workers would be out for blood. Being swaddled in warm clothing let Martin sweat profusely without attracting any attention.

Martin’s route took him past the crime scene. He was of opposing minds whether to hid away in his flat until this blew over, both literally and figuratively, but he was a creature of habit and people would notice if he didn’t show up at his usual spots. A duo of Magic Cops hung around the pond garbed in pretentious robes and sporting old-fashioned and stupid looking pointy hats. They had attracted quite a crowd as they examined the site of Martin’s blunder. The ducks and swans kept to the opposite end of the pond looking peeved at all the fuss. It was then that Martin realised that he had forgotten to remove the poor birds from the water before attempting to insta-freeze it. The idea of attempted birdslaughter only amplified Martin’s feelings of guilt which he was certain radiated from him in the form of a giant glowing arrow above his head.

‘When will this be fixed? There’s an amateur tennis championship happening this afternoon!’

‘Will the local council be clearing the roads?’

‘I am cold!’

The harassing masses kept the Magic Cops’ attention and Martin walked past at his best attempt at looking nonchalant.

‘A trichobezoar!’ someone exclaimed.

A little bit of urine escaped Martin’s bladder and he froze in the spot like someone who was guilty might. He couldn’t help himself and looked back to see one of the Magic Cops holding, with a magically conjured spirit hand, a disgusting ball of human hair. Martin went through the whole ordeal of frenziedly yet subtly searching his pockets for his magical focus before acknowledging the fact that yes; that was his trichobezoar … which he had dropped last night.

It was game set and match for Martin. He was screwed. A quick check would show that the trichobezoar found at the site of the crime belonged to one Martin O’Donnel who lived across the street from the site of the crime and who had several violations against his name already. Even though he didn’t hold the authorities in a high regard Martin was confident they could solve this case easily enough. His feet operated on instinct while his mind whirred and imagined all the terrible possibilities that were his near future. A calming, familiar little bell brought Martin back to the present. He was stood at the threshold of a rather busy coffee shop.

Sat at the farthest corner of the coffee shop Martin tried and failed to remain calm. There were plenty of places to run to, it was a big planet after all. Alternatively he could go out in a blaze of glory like some action hero except it wouldn’t be heroic at all, he would just be some idiot endangering the lives of civil servants just doing their job. A lack of malicious intent might swing sympathy with the jury but exposing his stupidity might also condemn him. Drink Casting wasn’t uncommon, but it was damn dangerous. The adverts were everywhere, wizards missing hands, witches permanently transformed into gazelles …

‘This is crazy isn’t it?’

Martin almost screamed out in fright at the sudden appearance of a waitress by his side. Not just any waitress; Julia.

‘We were just talking about me teaching you to ice skate when the pond froze this winter and look at what happened! What a coincidence!’ She beamed at him and he was so in love with her.

‘Coincidence! Yes, that is what it is!’ Martin replied complete with the mandatory awkward forced laugh at the end.

‘The usual?’ Julia asked not even bothering to take out her cute little notebook.

‘Yeah.’

Then she was gone.

Martin started to think about his parents and how disappointed they were going to be, about his friends who would be sad but also laugh. The white noise of people chatting and the generic but nice jazz music coming from the corner speakers lulled Martin into a state of serene obliviousness. If he just stayed here and stayed calm the things would just work out; probably.

‘They’re saying it might be a terrorist attack.’ An old woman sitting not too far from Martin said to her equally if not older husband.

‘Who is saying that dear? Your internet friends?’ The old man chuckled to himself in a condescending yet somehow endearing way. ‘It was probably just someone Drink Casting.’

‘It will be some corporation doing it to interrupt a competitor’s business.’ Chimed in a suited gentleman reading a business newspaper to complete his business ensemble. ‘I was supposed to be teleported out of here in the early morning but now I’m grounded!’

‘Terrorists. Definitely terrorists.’ Said the old woman shaking her head.

‘It isn’t exactly a typical terrorist move is it dear? Nobody has even been hurt.’

‘Perhaps you’re right … but I am bloody cold.’ His wife admitted.

Martin silently damned the old man and his sound reasoning. Baseless propagating could be his ticket out of this. Yes! Masked individuals wrestled his magical focus from him, during his routine nightly jog or walk depending on whether they would buy that he exercised with his current physique and left him knocked out cold somewhere where he wouldn’t freeze to death. It was a stretch, but it might work … if only the Magic Cops didn’t carry Truth potions with them everywhere …

‘Dairy free cappuccino and slice of vegan chocolate cake!’ Julia announced upon her sudden return causing Martin to start in his seat again. Magic was everywhere and yet dairy intolerance was left one of the universe’s great unsolved mysteries. Also, it was bad for the cows … Martin couldn’t think of an animal’s endless generational suffering right now!

‘Thank you very much.’ He said picking up the coffee and watching how violently it shook in his grip.

‘Are you frozen Martin?’ Julia said. ‘We have some blankets in the back.’

‘Wait, what why?’ Martin replied.

‘When the shop is quiet … we nap.’ Julia answered keeping her voice low.

The grin spread across Martin’s face and felt strange there. ‘I don’t blame you these seats are really comfy but no I’m alright thanks.’

‘Hey so are you busy with the shop today?’

‘No, we shut on Sundays. Religious thing.’

‘Well I finish here at two. Did you still want to learn ice skating?’

Martin was mid-sip into his hot coffee and was confronted with a difficult choice due to a sudden gasping of air: spit the coffee out and look like an idiot or swallow a whole load of hot coffee like an idiot. He opted for the latter because it was more hygienic and made him look tougher.

‘Martin! Are you choking? Are you okay?’

It had actually worked. His ill-founded, alcohol spurred, terribly executed plan had actually worked! Martin wrestled against the scalding pain of his tongue and turned to face the woman he loved enough to start a snowstorm in the summer for. He was about to reply when a pair of Magic Cops stormed into the building.