Here's to Me

Here Is to Me

Suzanne Marsh

O'Neera Simons tapped her pen against her knuckles as she stared blankly at the first page of her 2020 diary. She began with the date, January 1, 2020. Once again she stared at the paper confronting her. The days seemed to stretch into years, with the exact repetitious New Years resolutions. O'Neera, rose from her chair, thinking she needed to take a good look at herself and her resolutions. Before she strode into her bedroom, she picked up her diary from last year turning it to January 1. She quickly scanned it:

1) find a better paying job with benefits

2) find “Mister Right”

3) loose twenty pounds

She walked toward her bedroom thinking; 'these are the same resolutions I have made every year for the last fifteen years. Something needs to change, the question is do I need to or is it something I can not control.' She struggled with those thoughts as she entered her bedroom, her inner sanctum, so to speak.

O'Neera, began by taking a long look at herself in her full length mirror. There she stood, old chenille robe, ratty slipper, her mousey brown hair, hanging limply. She stepped on her bathroom digital scale, she now weigh almost one hundred and seventy five pounds, on her five foot five inch frame she looked like a basketball with feet. O'Neera thought: 'Oh dear Lord there must be a mistake, this can't be me.' Unfortunately, she knew she was only deluding herself. She walked to her closet, may be it would contain something to give her a little color. Most of her clothes were browns or dark colors, attempting to hide her figure or so the sales people had told her. She wanted to sit down and cry but that would not help the situation either.

She stomped back to her desk, a gleam of hope flashed through her mind. She sat down at her desk, picked up her pen and tapped her knuckles once again. Then inspiration hit as she began to write:

Dear Tink,

Today begins another new year. For years, I have had the same New Years resolutions, it is time for changes not in my three resolutions that I always put down, but resolutions to change myself. Tink, for years I have thought that I was never going to figure out who I am or who I want to be. Let me explain: I was just in my bedroom, staring at this frumpy fat woman with long mousey brown hair. She looked like something out of Misery, I stepped back from the mirror and thought that could not possibly be me, unfortunately Tink, the mirror doesn't lie. I realize now that I have to make these changes dear friend, it is up to me to change myself. I have come to recognize that I need to think about what I have become, a burger slinging fat woman who works for minimum wage. I have changed my resolutions a little for this year:

First and foremost I need to diet and exercise to loose weight, writing it down doesn't make it happen.

Second I want to motivate myself to find a better job, I don't want to sling burgers the rest of my life.

Third I am going to find a good hair stylist, I want my hair shorter with blond highlights.

Fourth I am going to find self help books, I want to grow as a person. Yes, Tink, I think my time has come to remove this shell I have put myself in.

Happy New Year to the new O'Neera.