That Beauty Just out of Reach

Esther stared up at the stars, tears rolling down her face silently. The smoke from all of the power plants curled into the sky blurring the bright specks of light above her. 

This had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people were smiling, laughing with their friends and family. Never noticing the girl in the alley. Always seeing through the girl in the corner. 

As Esther went through the day in her head she swallowed the pain she felt. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people were happy, smiling with their friends and family. Never noticing the way she held back her tears. Never seeing the pain in her eyes. 

Esther stared up at the stars. So close, yet so far away. The beauty was there staring back at her but she couldn’t reach it, couldn’t hold it in her hand. couldn’t cherish it till it slipped out of reach again. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her beauty was staring at her. All around her there was beauty and love that she couldn’t reach. Love that she couldn’t cherish. Beauty that she couldn’t hold in her small, dirty hands. 

Esther remembered the men who had chased her out of this same place that morning. The way their faces twisted unpleasantly at her and seemed to bore into her skin while she ran away. How the tears had silently coursed down her face and wet the ground like raindrops. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people were running at her, pushing her away. Never noticing the way her soul cried out for a place to call home. Always seeing the scum dirtying their overgrown lots. 

Esther stared at the black sky and saw a shooting star. She wished and wished to feel a warm embrace. Just once. That was all she wanted. To feel that warm embrace of love. Only once. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people had everything they wished for. Children could send letters to Santa every year and get exactly what they asked for. And the little thing she wished for that one little gift was never given. Never noticing the way she longed for a simple hug, people glided by. Never seeing the longing in her heart for just that simple action. 

Esther looked back on all of the hugs she saw the moms at the school giving their children. All the eye rolls as the kids pulled from their parents eager to see their friends. All the thoughts of what she would give to have a parent who gave her hugs. She wouldn’t have pulled away, she would have held them tight not wanting to let go of that comforting embrace. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people stood hugging each other and not knowing how much they had. Never noticing the girl staring at them, hungry to feel an embrace like that. Never seeing what they have and never being satisfied or thankful for it. 

Esther looked at the stars twinkling above her and watched as an especially dim one blinked once and disappeared forever. That was the way of the world, and the way her life was. Nothing was permanent, nothing stayed. Always something would come and the one thing she thought would always be there was taken. Her feet pulled out from under her. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her there would be one thing she latched onto and that thing would always disappear, until finally she gave up attaching to anyone or anything. Everyone around her never noticing the way she despaired. Never seeing the way the light in her eyes faded when she turned a corner. 

Esther remembered the way she had gone to the grocery store after that just like she had every day before how she had asked for a quarter and had gotten nothing. She remembered the way they looked at her. The way their faces told her that she was trash. They said that they wanted nothing to do with her. Then she couldn’t hold back the sobs. She couldn’t hold back the tears. She laid there sobbing while tears coursed down her face clouding the stars even more than the smoke could. Clouding the love and beauty that was just out of reach. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her people said she was trash. Never noticing that they could’ve just as easily been her. Never seeing the sobs and the tears she held back. 

Esther looked up at the sky. With all the bright little specks of glitter painting a picture. A picture of love. A picture that she would never be a part of. A picture that she couldn’t even reach up and touch. But the sky wasn’t black anymore, it wasn’t hopeless anymore. It was lighter. The sun was coming up and the black night sky wasn’t so horrible anymore. 

That had been her life ever since she could remember. All around her the sky was awake and menacing until the sun rose. When the sun rose Esther would start another day and watch the children play and the mothers shop. She would see those same stares of hatred and venom. And they would never notice the way she tried to run from the night. The night that reminded her of those stares. They would never see that picture she wasn’t a part of. 

Then just as the bright sun peeked over the horizon Esther remembered the chef, the round man. He had not looked at her like she was trash. He had not said that he wanted nothing to do with her. He had smiled a smile that practically radiated joy and he had told her to come in anytime she liked. He had given her a cupcake. He alone said she was beautiful. Said he had wanted her. And there on that night in that overgrown lot that the men would soon chase her out of again. Esther smiled. 

And no longer was there a need to say anything about her previous life because this hadn’t happened before. The stars above her were fading into light and there was hope. This was about her new life. 

- Epilogue -

Esther sat in the front seat of a car while it rumbled down the street and into a parking lot. 

“Bye daddy!” Esther said her voice muffled by the round mans shirt 

“Bye Esther,” the man said in reply, “have fun.” 

“I will!” she said happily as she gave him one more hug and then turned around plunging into the great tide of kids swarming into the building. The man watched as she found her friend and laughed at something one of them said. And then he smiled a smile that radiated joy.