Dear Sir or Madam

1 August 2023

Dear Sir,

On behalf of the Wenburry City Council, I would like to inform you of upcoming roadworks which will be completed outside your home on October Street. The runoff from potion precipitation has ceased to flow in the pipes beneath your street, and it is clear that the ancient pipework there must be unclogged. Unfortunately, the original designers of the drainage system were rather shortsighted wizards and did not include an entry point to the underground works in their plan. As such, we will need to blow up the street in front of your garden to allow access to our workers. Your home will be inaccessible by any means of ground transport for two weeks from 16 August 2023 to 30 August 2023. I recommend the judicious use of brooms and your back garden. Additionally, please note that if any potion water is needed during the time of disruption, it can be purchased in bulk from the Wenburry Post Office. This water will be taken directly from Merlin’s Pool, as the potion precipitation typically is, and should work just as well in the creation of any spells. On behalf of the Wenburry City Council, I apologize for any inconvenience. Should you wish to submit an inquiry about the ongoing works, you may flash your letter to the below address. You may expect a reply in 5 minutes to 5 business days from the time of your posting.

Sincerely,

J.T. Halfenpot

Wizarding Undersecretary for Public Works

Wenburry City Council

4 WishWillow Lane

SN43 93L

30 August 2023

Dear Sir,

I regret to inform you that the work on the piping outside your home has been delayed due to weather concerns. As you know, the recent front of frog precipitation has caused a great deal of havoc for the council. Unfortunately, the staff originally assigned to the roadwork have been reallocated to frog collection and relocation duties. The Wizarding Weather Report has predicted the front will move out of the area by next week, so things should begin to return to normal soon. We hope the disruption will not extend beyond the second week of September. On behalf of the Wenburry City Council, I apologize for any inconvenience. Should you wish to submit an inquiry about the ongoing works, you may reach me at the below address.

Sincerely,

J.T. Halfenpot

Wizarding Undersecretary for Public Works

Wenburry City Council

4 WishWillow Lane

SN43 93L

4 September 2023

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that a resident of your address has flouted the restriction on ground transport on the street outside your home. Our workers have reported a car driving down October Street only to levitate over the groundworks and then park behind your house in the back garden. Any further violation of the restriction on ground transport at this residence will be met with a fine of 500 Quiddles. I would politely encourage you to make use of transport by broom, as suggested in my earlier letter. Thank you in advance for your compliance with this reasonable request. In addition, I regret to inform you that our works project has been delayed. An outbreak of frog fever, following the unusual storms of August, has resulted in several employees missing work. Our latest projected date of completion for the project is 1 October. On behalf of the Wenburry City Council, I apologize for any inconvenience. Should you wish to submit an inquiry about the ongoing works, you may reach me at the below address.

Sincerely,

J.T. Halfenpot

Wizarding Undersecretary for Public Works

Wenburry City Council

4 WishWillow Lane

SN43 93L

5 September 2023

Dear Sir, Madam, or other Entity,

Firstly, I hope you notice the polite ambiguity of my greeting. It may shock you to know that there are in fact female wizards in existence. I know it may be unsettling, but we have been around quite as long as the men. I would thank you to remember that in future correspondence and kindly address me as Dear Madam. Now, onto the true business of this letter. In response to your last, I do in fact have “inquiries about the ongoing works” which I would like to submit the council. Chiefly, what in the name of Merlin have you been doing for the last month? Never in my life have I been witness to such utter kerfuffle as I have seen outside my front garden in the past several weeks. Leave it to a group of male wizards to faff about on a project which an enterprising witch might have completed within days. Furthermore, I am baffled by the rather unnecessary restriction on ground transport which you have implemented. As reported by your own men, my car did not interfere with the public works, only making use of the street on the undisrupted part of the road. Not every wizard is so privileged as to find his or her work in a comfortable wizarding office. Some of us must make do in the human world with rather more trying careers. In case the issue at hand is still not striking you as obvious, one cannot simply arrive on a broom to the human primary school of the neighboring village, where one is a children’s librarian. If you have a better suggestion for how I might travel a distance of 22 kilometers along country roads with no car, please do share. Otherwise, I’m afraid I will simply have to continue with my previously implemented plan.

Sincerely,

Matilda Rowensby

10 October Street

SN43 5YU

6 September 2023

Dear Madam,

Please forgive the misunderstanding which led me to believe you were an elderly gentleman wizard. We have some new interns, freshly graduated from wizarding college, who have yet to entirely grasp the concept of proper investigation of facts. That being said, I must encourage you to consider that there is no need to take the tone which you did in your letter. We are in fact working very diligently to complete the project swiftly and have been inundated with unforeseen difficulties throughout, as enumerated in my earlier letters. As to the issue with your car, I can understand why you need to use the mundane form of transport for your work. However, I must stress that ground transport is strictly prohibited on October Street at this time, even beyond the area obviously impacted by the drainage project. As we have men under the ground all along the street unclogging the pipes, we do not want to risk traffic flowing over their heads until the ground has resettled and the road patched. However, I have spoken to the Head Secretary for Public Works and we are able to issue you a parking permit for November Street for the duration of the project. It should be no more than a five-minute walk from there to your home. Thank you in advance for you cooperation. I apologize again for the misunderstanding and the inconvenience.

Sincerely,

James T. Halfenpot

Wizarding Undersecretary for Public Works

Wenburry City Council

4 WishWillow Lane

SN43 93L

11 September 2023

Dear Miss Rowensby,

Thank you again for your visit to our office on Saturday morning. The biscuits were a delicious treat on our half day, and you are now quite the most popular constituent we have. Please accept my apology again for spilling tea on your skirt. I’m afraid I’m not always at my best in person. Although, reflecting on the impression I clearly gave you in my previous letters, I may not be at my best in writing, either. Perhaps I should give smoke signaling a fair try. I hope the parking permit has worked out and that you haven’t found the walk from November Street to be too difficult whilst carrying your supplies for the school library. If it is, please let me know and we will find another solution. The works project should hopefully be over soon, although I fear to give you a precise date as my attempts in this area have failed so abysmally thus far. Please do reach out if there are any more issues in future. If you should need to reach me outside of business hours, feel free flash you letter to my home address, which you will find below. I live alone, so it will be no bother to assist you at any time.

Sincerely,

James Halfenpot

1 June Street

SN43 5QT

13 September 2023

Dear Mr. Halfenpot,

Thank you for your letter. I was so pleased to hear that you and your colleagues enjoyed the biscuits. It was the least I could do after utterly raking you over the coals in my last. I’m afraid the frustration of the street disruption, the threat of a fine, and the problem of not being able to magically silence human children who will scream in my library, all came to a head in the writing of that one rather rude missive. But no matter, now we’ve met and can attest that neither of us is in fact a dragon. Speaking of which, I don’t believe you give yourself enough credit. Tea mishap aside, I rather enjoyed meeting you in person. No smoke signals necessary.

Sincerely,

Matilda

15 September 2023

Dear Matilda,

I’m glad to hear I acquitted myself better than I feared. As long as we’re sharing polite truths, I enjoyed meeting you in person, too. Perhaps we could repeat the experience?

Sincerely, 

James

15 September 2023

Dear Madam,

I hope you were not offended by my last. If so, I beg you would disregard it.

James Halfenpot

15 September 2023

Dear James,

I wasn’t offended, just taking nap! The tiny humans are a bit wearing, to say the least. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by your note. I would love to repeat the experience. Should we try a setting a bit less… corporate this go around?

Matilda

15 September 2023

Dear Matilda,

YES. Absolutely. Dinner tomorrow? Pick you up at 7?

James

15 September 2023

James,

7 is perfect. I’ll be sure to wear a scarf as I know you’ll be on your broom. We wouldn’t want to disrupt the public works.

Matilda x

15 September 2023

Such cheek. See you then.

James x

16 September 2023

Looking forward to seeing you tonight. 7 still okay?

James

16 September 2023

My scarf and I will be waiting!

x

2 October 2023

Dearest,

So sorry, but I’ll be late for our date this evening. The munchkins utterly destroyed my library today. Apparently non-magical children are wildly enamored of humanoid sponges. By the way, do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Today’s costumed mystery reader elicited a bit more excitement than I was anticipating. Okay if we skip the movie and go straight to dinner? Should be home by 6ish.

Matilda

2 October 2023

No problem. Sorry it’s been a tough day. See you at 6 (ish).

James

2 October 2023

What an absolute darling you are. Just arrived home early to find the flowers on my doorstep. You could have left out the violently yellow sponge cuddly toy, however. And don’t think I missed that “ish”. We don’t all toil for the bureaucratic machine. Some of us have rather more flexible ideas of time. And you say I have cheek? See you soon. x

M

23 October 2023

Applesworth’s at it again. Could we raincheck painting your bookshelves? Looks like I’ll be late tonight. Sorry, love.

J

23 October 2023

Pants. What’s he on about now? Not another delay to the works project, surely! Come by when you’re finished, anyway. I’ll save you some pasta.

Love, M

30 October 2023

Dear Miss Rowensby,

Due to the personal nature of your relationship with Mr. Halfenpot, he has requested that all official communication regarding the works project come from my office, henceforth. It is therefore to me that the misfortune of informing you falls, that the works project has been extended once again. I’m sure you were as surprised as we were when the influx of moth precipitation replaced the expected round of potion precipitation last weekend, following the installation of temporary drains. The resulting swarm has migrated to the nearby human village, covering every street lamp to the point that the humans can hardly see at all. We will need to redirect our wizards to moth removal for the foreseeable future. We hope, however, to have the project up and running soon, and completed by the end of November. The rest of our office joins me in begging you to not retaliate against us by denying us your regular delivery of biscuits. We all count, now, on seeing James with a box each Monday.

Sincerely,

William Applesworth

Wizarding Head Secretary for Public Works

Wenburry City Council

4 WishWillow Lane

SN43 93L