Fresh Pine Creek's Parked Gossip, Episode 17

[Transcribed from a previously recorded live stream]

Hello Campers and welcome to another episode of “Parked Gossip!” Coming to you live from Fresh Pine Creek RV Resort where we hook you up with more than just 50-amp electricity, water, and sewage at every site, I’m your host, Morgan Juliana, here to hook you up with all the campground gossip.

If it’s your first time tuning in, let me tell you how it works. Each week, residents of our campground can drop a note into our Guest Gab box in the office, and every Sunday morning, I open it up and spill the sewage – ew! What the— ? Darren, did you mess with the teleprompter again? Ugh! Sorry about that, viewers, our custodian sometimes thinks his job title is comedian.

Now, where were we? Yes, right, so every week, I pop open the box and see what our residents have to say about our weekly visitors. And if you’re a regular, you know our residents do not hold back any of the dirty secrets. We’ve got more dirt in this little box than we’ve got on our hiking trails…? Darren!

Ugh, whatever. Let’s just get started, shall we? I always like to give the box a little shake – ooh! It feels like we’ve got lots of juicy submissions in here today!

Alright, here’s our first note:

The family staying in spot 22 is a bunch of hooligans! They let their children roam wild, like animals. I saw them when they pulled in, and they just flung those little kids out of their car and told them to “stay out of the way” while they backed the trailer in. Their little boy, not even two years old, was running in and out of the road!! I had to catch that poor sucker with my bare hands before his dad nearly ran him over after pulling forward AGAIN to straighten out his trailer for the 5th time. His wife, by the way, was SUPER unhelpful. I saw her standing there, arms crossed, giving no signals to her husband. I swear, all she said the whole time was, “You’re going to hit that,” over and over again. I’d bet this was their first time parking a trailer at an RV park except I saw a dent on the back of it that told me otherwise. Rumor has it, Phil saw their daughter wander off with another male resident and some other children and headed to the park! They were gone more than 30 minutes and those parents didn’t even notice! They sure do just let anybody have kids nowadays, don’t they?

Wowza! What did I tell you, folks? Our residents don’t hold back. Hooligans, indeed! I remember when this family checked in. Mom just let those kids practically trash our candy display and didn’t even purchase a single item after those little fingers had been all over them. Glad their visit was a short one!

On to the next… Oh, I recognize this writing. Whatcha got for us, Mr. M.? He’s always got the best gossip!:

Beware of visitors in spot 67! It’s an older couple with a small child. They look about 50+ years and this child is no more than 6 years old, calling them “Mom” and “Dad”?? Something didn’t feel quite right about that… I had a chat with their neighbors, and they said the old man couldn’t make his own fire, said they invited themselves into their campsite, set up their daughter’s chair, laid out their smores stuff on their table, and used their fire to make their s’mores!! I mean, the AUDACITY! Learn how to make your own fire, Grandpa. Don’t go moochin’ off the guy next to ya!

Oh, man! Audacity is the right word! Can you imagine? Imposing yourself on someone else’s campsite? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing! I don’t know what I would do… And, yeah, I gotta agree with you, Mr. M., I definitely thought they were her grandparents. Huh, I guess every family truly does look different, and we can’t judge that, now, can we? But we sure can judge a disrespectful neighbor! Yikes! It’s going to take me awhile to get over that one.

These are so juicy today! Let’s see what’s next:

Please can we start comedy nights in the clubhouse?

Darren! How many times have I told you to stop putting notes in the Gab box! Looks like the next piece of gossip I have for you is this: we need a new custodian! Apply today through our website. Preferably someone who has zero aspirations of being the clubhouse clown.

Ha, ha. Just kidding. Kind of.

Okay, what else is in here? Oh, here’s one. It just says:

The guy in spot 22 hit the hookup station with his trailer!!

Oh no! The saga continues! Family 22 just could not get it together this week. I thought the electrical box looked a little slanted last time I did rounds. Yikes. Darren, you can fix that, right? Great. I guess we’ll keep you and your awful jokes after all. Ha, ha!

It looks like we have just a couple more. I can’t wait to hear what else has been happening around here! Seems like it was a very interesting week, full of colorful visitors. This one says:

Is the guy in spot 40 some kind of police officer or something? He’s got three flags up in his site and one of them is that black and blue striped flag. That’s the one for police, right? Under it, he hung a blue and yellow flag with some sort of symbol. Thought he was trying to support the Ukraine, but I looked it up, and the Ukraine flag is blank. Anyway, last night, he hung his third flag, American, but it’s one of them kinds made of lights. He put it right there on the front of his trailer and it is BLINDING!! Why do you need three flags up when you’re here no more than a week? Don’t we have some rules about excessive lighting? It’s a disturbance!

PS – Some police he is! I just saw him hand four kids each a stick, all of them lit at the end! They all took off running around! We have trees here!!! And he handed them each a stick of fire!!!

Woah, woah, woah! That is a straight up fire hazard! Viewers, I think it’s important for me to mention how extremely seriously we, here at Fresh Pine, take fire safety. And while I think you, whoever you are, did the right thing putting this in the Guest Gab – there’s some things you just can’t make up, I mean seriously, what is wrong with people? But next time, please report this kind of thing to the office immediately. Safety is important, and fire is no joke. Fresh Pine is home to a lot of people, so please, report any potentially hazardous activity directly to the office. Or better yet, call 911.

Whew! That one got me a little heated – no pun intended! What do ya’ll think? Should we read one more? Try to end it on a good note? Alright, I think so, too!

Oh, look, there’s only one note left. Perfect! Let’s open it up. Looks like another short one. I bet it will be good. It says:

I think the guy who towed that 36-foot long trailer with that small SUV is a murderer. Rumor has it his wife left him, but I don’t buy it. He seems way too happy putting his trailer legs down all by himself.

Huh, well, I’m not entirely sure if any of that would indicate that he’s a murderer? Murder’s a big leap from illegal towing allegations…But Fresh Pines isn’t here to fact-check! We’re just here for the dirt and gossip, so we thank you for your contribution, whoever you are!

And a big thanks to all of you for tuning in to today’s episode of “Parked Gossip”! For those of you who don’t know, I’m always in the office, so I tend to miss all the drama going on out there on our lovely campground. Unpacking the Guest Gab every Sunday is truly the highlight of my week, so thanks so much for letting me share it here with you.

If you liked today’s episode, don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe to the show! There will be a transcription of the episode up on our blog by midnight tonight if you’d prefer to read it yourself by the campfire. To submit your very own Guest Gab, stop by the office and come see me, or use our newest feature and submit your note directly through our website using the link in our bio.

Alright, Campers, that's all I have for you tonight. Remember, stay happy, stay gabby! I’m your host, Morgan Juliana, I’ll see you next week for more RV rumors…?

Darren!