The Problem With Some Secrets

Richard collapsed onto his favorite bench. It offered a great view of West Potomac Park and he tried to enjoy the cup of overpriced coffee. He then took a long, deep breath and mentally told himself, “Relax! It’s only work.”

After a short time, a mysterious woman wearing a bright, skimpy dress sat down next to him. She snapped her gum a few times like it was a status symbol, then whispered, nonchalantly without looking at him. “You wanna hear something interesting?”

He wrinkled his forehead as he took in the odd stranger. “Why would you want to tell me anything? I don’t even know you.”

“My name is Zinovia. There, now you know me.”

He studied her face for a moment. It was nearly void of makeup, revealing pristine skin and highlighting her unusual but sparkling citron eyes. Overall, she was plain but attractive. He huffed and said, “That sounds Russian. Must be hard to be a Russki hooker in D.C. these days.”

“Nope. I’m not a prostitute. And it’s not hard at all because my name is Greek. It means the force of Zeus.”

Richard wrote code for the NSA, an organization known for its secrecy and tenacious ability to scoop up data of all kinds, especially secrets. Even so, what information could a woman like this offer? He said, “Look, I don’t want to be rude. I’m just trying to enjoy the nice day and my cup of coffee.”

“That doesn’t exclude having some fun with me.”

He chuckled before saying, “See, there it is again. That sounds like a prostitute’s line. If I said something like that to a woman, she would think it’s a double entendre and probably slap my face.”

Zinovia curled the corners of her mouth down and raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me, your highness. Some men like playful banter.”

“Well, I don’t. I’m a busy man.”

Zinovia recollected herself, and leaned into Richard just a bit, and whispered, “So, Mr. Busy Man, do you want to know my secret?”

Richard stared at his cup and wiped a dribble of coffee away with his finger, stalling. Then he snorted just before saying, “Do you by any chance know who I work for?”

“Yes. But your work has nothing to do with this.” She grinned, in a sincere manner that showed she was telling the truth.

He eyed her as if he was looking over an imaginary pair of glasses. “It seems odd you know where I work and want to tell me a secret. When it’s my job to find deep, dark secrets to protect the country. It actually concerns me a bit, to be honest.”

She slowly chewed her gum and looked deep into his eyes. “It’s not that kind of secret. It’s about you.”

His voice became firm. “How do you know so much about me?”

“I just do. So, you want to hear what I have to say?”

He studied her one more time, carefully. Almost sarcastically, he finally said, “Okay, sure. I could use a good laugh. What are you so eager to tell me about myself?”

She smiled and said, “I know when you’re going to die.”

He laughed. Not a deep belly laugh, but close. He caught his breath before saying, “Are you kidding, a Greek fortune teller? You know that’s not much of a secret. And I already know I’m going to die. I hope it’s when I’m old and gray.”

Zinovia smiled like a cougar about to strike and her eyes appeared to glow. “Weren’t you listening. I just told you. I know precisely when.”

Suddenly it got bright. The flash was intense enough to blind Richard and he felt lightheaded. He was reeling.

After a minute, the spinning feeling stopped and his vision slowly returned. He stood next to Zinovia in a huge cavernous space carved out of solid stone. Ambient light flickered on the walls, generated by unseen flames that seemed to burn all around them.

Richard found his voice. “Why do I feel like Mike Tyson just punched me? What is this place? How did I get here?” He spoke fast, on the verge of being incomprehensible.

A confident, disembodied voice responded in a deliberate, all-knowing manner. “Patience. All will be explained in due time. And now, you have all the time in the universe.”

Richard spun his head on a swivel. “What? Where are you? Who are you? This makes no sense.”

“I’m the one you sometimes call Beelzebub. But the Rolling Stones sang it true, I go by many names.”

Richard gasped and his knees became weak as panic surged inside him. “I’m dreaming. I must be dreaming.”

“Not at all. This is all very real. I assure you.”

“But that means I’m...”

“Yes, have a look for yourself.” An image appeared in front of him, floating in mid-air. It was Richard on the park bench. But now he laid on his side with eyes wide, motionless, lifeless. He started to snivel at the sight of his own inanimate body.

Standing next to him, Zinovia smiled broadly at Richard and snapped her gum once. “See, told ya I knew when.” She watched the crushed man for a moment, then spoke to the cave’s ceiling. “Do they always whimper like this?”

The voice boomed again. “Yes. So, Zinovia, you reclaimed your first fallen soul.”

She nodded yes, snapped her gum, and said, “Yep. Mission accomplished.”

Beelzebub snapped back, “Don’t get cocky. Let’s see how you did.” “After a short pause, he then asked, “Richard, how would you rate your experience?”

“Wh…What?”

“I told her the name was too exotic, but in a way, it’s appropriate for the work if you know the meaning behind it. However, the gum and her dress were wrong for the stuffy crowd who frequent West Potomac Park. Don’t you agree?”

The newly dead man stared at the odd woman as he said, “Are you kidding me? A survey? I just found out I’m dead and have been sent to hell.”

Beelzebub said, “It’s best to learn what you have to say before we cast you into the eternal flames.”

Zinovia shrugged. “No one saw. I promise.”

Beelzebub repeated, “So, Richard, how would you rate your experience?”

Richard collected himself and stood up straight. “It sucked. What else would you expect me to say? I just died!”

“This is your only chance to make things better for the future souls we retrieve. Once you’re in the depths of Hell’s fire pit, well you won’t have much of what you call a mind left.”

“I just found out my soul has been damned. And I don’t care if I help out people being sent to Hell.”

“It would be better for you if you went along with me on this.”

“Piss off!”

Beelzebub sighed. “So be it.”

Richard became immediately engulfed in flames. He screamed, terrified, then faded to nothing.

The ghostly voice then said, “Your first soul has been added to our inventory. But you must blend in better while you are on the surface.”

Zinovia fidgeted on her feet and giggled. “But it’s so nice to put on nice clothes and act like I was a young woman again.”

“You’re four hundred years old, act like it. If you stand out too much you’ll be seen. And we can’t have that. Can we?”

“No. I guess not.”

“You guess not? Don’t push my patience! It would upset our agreement with Him if you’re observed. We don’t need that. What we need to do is build our numbers while the getting is good. And right now, on the surface, it is very, very good. Understand?”

Zinovia nodded. “Yep.”

The Lord of Darkness paused, then said, “I don’t think you do. But I have an idea. An assignment that might better fit your… let’s say personality.”

“Okey-Doke.”

There was a long sigh from the disembodied voice, then Beelzebub mumbled, “What I wouldn’t give for a thousand Nixons. Now that’s a man who knows how to collect fallen souls.”

“You always bring up Nixon or Stalin. How’s a woman supposed to compete with those monsters?”

Beelzebub replied, “There are places where they aren’t the best fit for the job.”

The light flashed bright again, and Zinovia suddenly found herself on the surface. She scanned the surroundings and determined she was now in Los Angeles.

A pop-up screen suddenly floated in front of her face with a message on her Hell’s Fire app. She had a new assignment and was scheduled to retrieve the soul of another man.

With a quick search on her pop-up display, she identified her target and found he was scheduled to be at a big gala at the Dolby Theater. She said to herself, “Gotcha! But there could be lots of potential witnesses. I need a plan.”

That night, she stopped a block short of the Dolby Theater. As she did during her first fallen soul recovery with Richard, she decided to change her clothes to something more fun.

She snapped her fingers and she was suddenly dressed in a long black evening dress. It was designed to reveal lots of cleavage and leg, and it was exactly what she needed to blend into this particular crowd.

With another finger snap, a sparkling diamond necklace hung from her neck. “Now, that’s better.”

Then, she strutted to the event and up a fancy carpet right to the gala entrance. A security guard gave her the once over. Zinovia said, “I’m receiving an award and you know you need to let me in.”

As if she had just used a Jedi mind trick, he pointed at a metal detector, indicating she could pass. She went through the metal detector, and once through, set it off with a snap of her fingers. She did it just to annoy a rude man called Russel behind her.

The guards made Russel take off his belt and shoes, and scanned him by hand. The frown on his face made Zinovia smile. She was off to a good start, but he was not why she was there.

Then she weaseled her way into the crowd and wandered until she spotted the target. Once her prey was located, she sauntered by a table and casually “borrowed” a trophy topped with a small statue of a gold, funny shaped man. It had been awarded to a woman named Meryl, but she was too busy to notice when Zinovia took it.

She next made sure her quarry spotted her with the gleaming award and she flashed lots of skin. Her dress made the skin part easy. But she had to be more subtle brandishing the stolen trophy. It seemed the people here went nuts over the trinket and wanted to talk to anyone who held one. However, it was also useful to draw her target’s attention.

It worked. He noticed immediately, and Zinovia returned a naughty smile across the room.

About ten minutes after that, the man worked his way across the room, shaking hands every now and then, and appeared in front of Zinovia. He glanced at the trophy and said, “Congratulations.” Then, he scanned her head to toe. “I couldn’t help noticing you. And it looked as if you had something to tell me. You know, the way you were staring at me.”

She giggled like a schoolgirl. “I wasn’t staring. Was I?”

The man smiled like the Cheshire cat. “You look lovely in that dress.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It went on in a flash.”

He laughed. “I could ask if it comes off in a flash, but I won’t.”

She let him see deep in her citron eyes and lost her smile. “But you just did.”

He stood a little straighter, face blank, with one eyebrow raised a fraction of an inch. “You are a feisty one, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Maybe we can talk someplace more… private?”

“Sure. That would work just fine.”

He grinned again. “And why would that be?”

Zinovia stepped in close to him and felt the cloth of his tuxedo. It was elegant to the touch. She thought that only in Hollywood could a man and woman be dressed like they were and not stand out in a huge sea of people. “I do have something to tell you.”

“Wonderful.” He then held his hand out, pointing the way. She led, guided by the man from behind. They walked a short distance and stopped when he pulled out a pass card, waved it at a security pad, and the door lock buzzed. He opened it and they both went inside.

She took in the opulent room for a moment, eyes wide. “This is so nice.”

“It’s one of the best ballrooms in the place. Right now, it’s a good place to have a quiet drink or a conversation. But it won’t be so quiet in about an hour when our official after-party starts.” He pointed to one of the multiple drink stations set up around the room.

Zinovia watched as the only other person in the room stocked one of the mobile bars before taking a few steps, absorbing the atmosphere. Suddenly, she spun in place like a child and laughed.

He watched her indulge herself in the surroundings and smiled. He had no idea she was stalling, waiting for the waiter to depart, leaving her alone with the man.

When it was just the two of them, she moved back over to him and rubbed her hands on his chest, followed by leaning into him to get her face real close to his. Then she said, “I’ll get to the point.” She studied him for a moment, like a researcher studying an important find. “You look like a man that appreciates a surprise. And there is something I really need to do with you."

He stared at her with a silly grin, almost quivering with excitement. She paused, taking delight in his anticipation, then said, "Harvey, can you keep a secret?”