Forgetting to Remember

He pulls his shirt over his nose, cringing at the familiar smell of pollution. The skies were gloomy, and cloudy. Sunlight was nowhere to be found. He pushed his fingers to his temples. “Such a wonderful welcome home” he says. He waved down a cab, an old male driver pulled in, looking more impatient every second. The taxi driver looks back at him, clearly confused. “ID?” He had a heavy accent and arrogant tone. New York, the only city in the world that could be so welcoming and brutal at the same time. He pulled his ID out, Wilbur Moore. The driver nodded and grumbled. Will slid into the backseat, attempting to be agile and nearly sliding right back out. “50669 West Ave. please” he tells the driver. There is still no guarantee whether or not this man understands him, but regardless, the car begins to move.

Eventually, they arrive on a dead street, this is as far as the driver is willing to go. It’s been years since he’s been in the city, already he feels as insignificant as a fly. Will blends right in to the emerging crowds. Nothing about him is unique, especially not here. Brown hair and brown eyes is as insignificant as it gets, especially when every adult looks as if they would rather be dead than walking down those streets. There were new buildings everywhere, so much had changed without anyone changing at all. Wasn’t change supposed to be over time? If it was, it didn’t show. Still, it was consistent with prior visits. Why should he expect anything new? New York had a way of sucking the life out of you, as did most large cities. Sure, there were some people who tried to ignore it, but the dreary feeling never avoided someone just because they wanted it to. He would know. That was besides the point, he just wanted to get inside. 

Spring was supposed to be cheerful and refreshing, but when the rain hit his skin like sharp glass, all he felt was dread and despair. Soon, his hair began to stick to his forehead and his sweatshirt became damp. He used to like the rain. No one else seemed bothered by it, some even popped open umbrellas and continued to their destinations. Others cursed and muttered to themselves, hiding under the tents of stores to wait for a taxi. Unfortunately, Will was a part of the second group. He looked around for another cab, no luck. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was beginning to worry, and the rain kept getting harder. He was the only left waiting, well, him and whatever animal was crawling out of the alley trash cans. His phone buzzed, and when he looked down at his phone disappointment settled on his face. “Well, I guess I’ll make a run for it,” he thinks. He takes in a deep breath, nearly chokes on it, and takes off. While he ran, splashing and getting soaked, all he could think was “I brought the wrong shoes for this''. It made him smile, but only a bit. Just as it began to feel painful, he reached his destination. A small, old home tucked away in a block just outside the main city. The rain made the walls look darker than they were, and the lawn wasn’t being kept like it might have once been. Although the house was quite literally in shambles, Will loved it dearly. He couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity. Slowly, he crept up the steps and quietly removed his shoes and socks by the front door.

It was around 5 pm, so he didn’t have to worry about anyone being hom- “WELCOME HOME!” “damn it..” he had been caught. He was greeted by his sister, and his two nieces. This was bad… really bad if he didn’t act soon he’d- “HA! AHAHA HA HA!” Will was attacked. Well, sort of. His niece, Sarah, jumped on his back and began to tickle his right side while the other, Sasha, attacked the left. Together, they brought Will to his knees. “That’s enough girls! Please!” he pleaded in between laughs. The girls looked over at their mother, and frowned when she signaled to let him go. After a while, they ran off to play elsewhere. Phew. It was like tradition to tackle down a family member you haven’t seen in so long. “Wow, taken down by two 6 year olds!” his sister teased. “Oh come on, I could have taken them.” “Sure, let’s go with that.” She put a hand down to help him up. When he stood up, he couldn’t shake the pain in his head and let out a wince. When her sister looked at him, she knew. “Is it bad again?” Will just nodded.

Ever since he was a kid, he suffered from migraines. At any moment, he could be virtually immobile. His blood pressure was also a lot higher than the average person, so he could not typically enjoy sweets or anything that would make the levels higher. None of that mattered now. It was too late anyway, he knew what he came for. “When’s the surgery?” He was shaken out of his thoughts. “Tomorrow morning.” It was late already, with just their catching up, it was already past 9pm, and the girls were getting ready for bed. “You’ll make it, you know.” Will simply smiled, he knew she meant well, but it made him even more worried. “Hey, is that the girls throwing toothpaste everywhere?!” He created a diversion. “WHAT? Girls…”

He walked outside. It was very late, but the streets were well lit. The rain had stopped but the pavement was dark and the grass had fresh droplets. He sat on the bench just outside the window. He’d grown up in this home, with his mother and father and sister. They lived wonderfully, he’d always play around in the backyard and… Right. I used to have a bicycle back there. He ran off towards the back gate and slithered in. The bicycle was nowhere in sight, Erica must have thrown it out when she inherited the house. He tried to hide his disappointment, but the play-area that once seemed as large as a football field, looked like nothing more than a small patch of grass. 

Before Will knew it, the day had come. The day of his brain surgery. If it was a success… no. It will be a success. He took in a deep breath, breathing in a soft and familiar scent. The girls were already around the table, eating fluffy pancakes. “Uncle Will, Uncle Will!” He turned to look at Sarah, “What was that?” Sasha giggled, together, the girls shoved a huge pancake in his mouth! He nearly choked with laughter, and with food still in his mouth he mumbled out “Wha...mm t the…I’ll get mm you back for mm thi mm s!” He sat down at the table, his sister was still cooking. Clearing his throat, he finally spoke up. “It’s nearly time, I’ve got to get going.” Erica, Sasha, and Sarah all gathered around for a hug. No one could really know if he would… no. He would. With his foot halfway out the door, he took one last look at his home. Every crack, stain, and chisel felt comfortable. It was the only thing that comforted him to leave. 

When he walked into the hospital, he was blasted with a strong scent of floor cleaner, hand sanitizer, and a bunch of other “hospital smells”. “Wilbur Moore?” He cocked his head to the side, “Yes?” “Perfect, right this way sir. We need you prepared immediately.” He followed behind the women, his palms began to sweat and his forehead filled with wrinkles. He entered a small room, nothing special popped out to him. It smelled just like the rest of the hospital. “The doctor will be with you in a second.” Will nodded. This was going to be fine, they would fix this. “Alrighty Wilbur! Nice to meet you, I’m going to administer a sedative and get you ready for our wonderful surgeons.” Will couldn’t find the courage to speak, but nodded once more and took the sedative shot lightly. 30 minutes passed by before he fell into a drifty haze and felt his body get wheeled to the operation room.

After that, he couldn’t tell what was going on. “Patient seems to be responding fine to…”

“Don’t sever the…” “Alright Dr. Lee, get the scalpel and…” “Crap. No. WE’RE LOSING BLOOD GET SOME O IN HERE STAT…” “He’s not gonna make it sir…” “He will!” Just like that, everything went black. He felt suffocated, and hot. There was nothing there. In that moment, he knew just what had happened. He was angry, and sad. 

They promised, he promised. This wasn’t supposed to be this way, it was supposed to work… He missed his mother. His father. His sister. He hated this city. All that ever came was misery. Look at him now… but… with every stupid breath he loved it. That it was his home. That it was his family. That he could love without caring. That it took care of him to his last breath. That it never left him alone. He loved everything about the city. Here, and now, he remembered what he had forgotten. The only thing that had ever been there for him was this city, the love in it. The familiarity, the joy, and now, even the sadness. “I suppose it’s only fair that I’m here. I wouldn’t want it to be anywhere else.” After all, the city never changed.