Home at last

Home at last

cw: foul language, swearing

“Speak now.”

“Mary, please... Don’t look at me like that...”

“Who the hell is this??”

“Her name is Lucy.”

“Really Andy?!”

“Mary… I can explain…”

 “After I specifically told you not to!”

“Yeah but..."

"No buts."

“I promise, I’ll make this right!”

"Only if you kick her out."

"Okay, okay..."

“Geez, on our counter too? Disgusting.”

“Mary, wait!”

Andy dashed out the kitchen, his mouth running faster than his feet as he chased Mary down the hall of ridiculously expensive artwork. Mary typed and texted with impressive speed, her gaze stuck on her cellphone and nowhere near Andy.  

Their relationship worked in a peculiar yet effective way. They barely saw each other, let alone talk. When they did talk, Andy walked on eggshells to avoid Mary’s irrational reactions, while Mary nagged and complained about work, keto and tiktok algorithms. Their life prediction on the algorithm? boring, sad and hollow.

Andy was never the rebellious type. Contrary to his best man’s concerns, Andy was neither “oppressed” nor “lead on by the nose”. Sure, Mary could be assertive. And rude. And mean. But Andy had his moments too. At least when things got out of hand.

So what if Andy decided to bend the rules a little bit? It wasn’t as if Mary ever paid any attention to him. She would come back from work, put her feet on the velvet green sofa and ignore his existence. She wouldn't eat after 19:00, and when she did, it would be something tiny, like a handful of almonds or a bar of granola, no sugar, no conservatives, no gluten. After some time, they would both go to bed unfulfilled and passionless about their dull reality.

Lucy would be good company until Mary came back from work. 

Mary stopped, her expensive bag hanging by her wrist like a branch from a tree. 

“When were you planning to tell me?”

“Would you care if I did?”

“Why do I always have to be the bad guy? You’re the one who went behind my back!”

“So, if I told you, would you be okay with it??”

“Of course not!”

“See?”

“Who could possibly be okay with it??”

“Someone who doesn’t pay attention to their husband?”

“Oh please! You know damn well how I feel about this!”

“Sometimes it’s the only way to get your attention.”

“Pff, you’re being over dramatic.”

Mary’s phone buzzed, a convenient distraction. 

“Gotta get back to work. Have her gone by the time I’m back.”

And with that, Mary left Andy in the hall of chaos. 

Tuesday came, and Lucy didn’t leave. Andy stood by his words, fully convinced that Mary never paid attention to him or their relationship.  

Relationships are not disposable. You don't throw them away when they no longer work. You sit down and fix them. 

He heard this once on one of those inspirational podcasts with awfully handsome dudes giving life advice. Lately, he had started to think that some things are meant to be disposable.

Him and Lucy were in the garden now, cuddled up and safe under a warm blanket of sunlight. Did he really need Mary? Lucy was not just a distraction, that was for sure. He made him feel good. She was there for him. She gave him all that Mary didn’t. She was perfect. 

Andy stared at Lucy’s hazel eyes.

“Do you think I should leave her?”

Lucy simply stared, a sympathetic yet silent reply. 

“I mean, maybe I should. She doesn’t offer me anything anymore.”

Lucy cuddled with him, her head resting on his shoulder while he spoke. Her silence, her peaceful disposition, her sympathetic gaze. Her unspoken affection was all that Andy could ever wish for. 

“Last time it happened, she kicked me out. Properly kicked me out! I had to go stay with Dean for a while. Not my proudest moment, to tell the truth. But you know, Mary has these weird dos and dont’s that Dean and Amelia don’t. For one, she can’t handle a single breadcrumb on the kitchen counter. She buys all this furniture just to look at it, not to use it. She hates pets and despises any kind of tv show. She wants to have a house, but not a home. And the thing is… I want to have a home. With you.”

“Get this bitch out of my house!”

His speech was quickly interrupted by the familiar clank of high heels. Mary was staring at him, the caked makeup on her face turning into a red ball of fury.

“What is she still doing here?! I told you to get rid of her!”

“Calm down! I want to talk to you!”

“I don’t want her around my house! You know I can’t have her, or any of her kind close to me!”

“Her name is Lucy! And I love her!”

“You LOVE her? You barely even know her, Andy!"

“Yes, I do! We bonded! And she has been there for me more than you could ever be!”

“Is that really all? Or are you just using this as an excuse to leave?”

“Don’t push me.”

“This is my house. Mine. My dad gave it to us. And I have rules."

"You're a handful."

You are welcome to pack your things and go!"

"I might just do that then!"

"Good! And while you're at it, don't forget to take some money from the safe! You'll need it!"

Andy looked around the mansion surrounding him. He gazed at the pool, the jacuzzi, the windows, the rooms facing the porch, the palm trees. He stared at Mary, her 500 dollar heels stomping the ground impatiently, waiting for his next move. 

He looked at Lucy again. Her eyes were full of hope, as she stared at them baffled and intrigued.

Some things are meant to be disposable.

“Well?” Mary was demanding an answer, standing by the ajar balcony door separating the kitchen from the garden. 

“Goodbye Mary.”

And with that, Andy took Lucy in his arms, her hazel eyes glowing and her fluffy tail winging from anticipation. 

He hugged and held her tight, while Lucy gave him sloppy kisses all over his face. 

“I promise I'll find you a home and let you on the counter as much as you like.”