Bright Eyes

He was hot, tired, and someone smelled of dirty socks. The train this time of year was full of people travelling in and out of the city. Trying to get their fill of the nice weather before it turned back again to the frigid temperatures everyone in the city had become so accustomed to. James wouldn’t be able to enjoy the warm weather, this was the firm's busiest time of year. There were so many campaigns getting ready to go full force for the fall and winter sales months. His clients were all hoping to brand themselves to their customers. For someone who created the ideal image of life, his life was pretty simplistic. He worked, slept, worked, slept. He couldn’t remember the last time he did anything else.

As he watched a mother and son talking excitedly about what to expect when they finally got to their vacation spot, he saw a light in the boy's eyes that James knew he himself had not felt in a long time. He turned away quickly not wanting to think about his empty life, empty childhood. Filled with caring for everyone but himself, he could count on one hand the amount of times he played outside as a child. He was certain his mom never could have afforded to take him on a weekend vacation. James had grown up with a mother who was half there and a father who was never there. He didn’t know at times which was worse. The dull look in his mothers eyes as he tried to share his success in school achieving award after award, he never could reach her.

He looked again to the boy and his mom, but this time looked to the mother. She was looking at her son attentively, making sure as he was playing he was careful not to fall out of his seat. She played with him, making small grrrr noises as he told her that she was the evil Kong ready to destroy the city of Tokyo. She giggled slightly to herself, and then became even more in character and the grr became noticeable to others. A man standing looked at her with amusement, while the woman seated next to her seemed to be wondering if she was alright. James watched and watched them play, at times feeling self conscious of himself, and hoping no one thought he had any malicious intent. But he couldn’t stop watching, no matter how many times he tried to stop and look at his phone. Seeing the joy in both of them, the simple connection between them brought an ache to his heart that he didn’t know how to push away.

He couldn’t wait to get off the train and to forget about the boy and the mother, he’d throw himself into his work as he’d always done. When the doors opened for his stop though he stood and waited to exit, but as he approached the open doors his feet felt like lead. Each step felt wrong, as though he was making a choice to go down the wrong path. So he sat back down. When he got to the end of the line, he was feeling almost embarrassed, he was in a suit and tie, he felt like he should maybe get on the next train back to work and make up some excuse, but as he was about to turn to buy a ticket he saw the boy and his mother walking away and felt a reinvigoration of his commitment. He didn’t know what he was committing too but went to the nearest store in the train stop and bought a pair of black and blue striped shorts and a white t-shirt. He walked out in a pair of black flip flops and couldn’t even remember the last time he wore a pair of those.

James walked out and called a car to his destination, a place he’d always dreamed of but had never been. When he got into the car he told the driver the location and they were off. James felt as though he was flying. A sense of excitement filled him as the car drove away from the train station. He watched the people walking in the direction of their work feeling certain he had made the right choice. He had never felt until this moment that his life had gone gray, and finally there was color again it was almost overwhelming him. He closed his eyes and his only wish was that his little brother was with him.

After he passed everything changed for the worse, that's when his mother’s eyes dimmed, his father left and James he lost the light in his eyes. James pictured that little boy on the train, he was about the same age James was when Charlie died. Charlie was all fire, always the center of attention and James’s best friend, he got sick one day and it felt like he was gone the next. Charlie was his light, and when he left the whole world seemed to all of the sudden become so serious and dull. James felt as though he was one-hundred pounds lighter, it had been so long since he allowed himself to think of Charlie. He remembered playing just as that mother and son had. He could swear it felt like Charlie was with him, as the car came to a stop James felt such excitement he couldn’t stop smiling.

As he looked across the street he saw it, the beach. It wasn’t anything special, it was just a lake with some sand. But to James it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He walked in the sand and sat close to the water, he heard children playing and their parents laughing. Brothers making sand castles, and as James looked out to the water he felt himself heal something he had grown used to being broken. It may have been just one afternoon, but James felt like it was the start of something new.