Dear Nora Blake

Dear Nora Blake, 

I’m not sure how to write this. Or why I even have to. When Professor Reed announced the assignment, followed by assuring us that he wouldn’t read them, I was confused. And annoyed. After all, isn’t the point of writing to share it with other people? And isn’t the point of a college professor to actually teach us? But for 40% of my grade, I’ll try.

Today, I walked to class and the weather was nice. I guess I’m grateful for that. 

August 21st, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I have a psychology exam tomorrow so this whole week has been stressful. Cramming as much as I can. Most of my class seems to have made study groups already, which seems pretty crazy to me since it’s only the first semester. So I guess I’m grateful for publicly shared quizlets from the hundreds of college students before me that have taken Psych 101. 

August 22nd, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I talked to some other kids in Professor Reed’s Philosophy class and they said he didn’t specify it had to be a daily gratitude journal. So I took a few days off. Besides, after that psych exam raided my brain and stripped it of every shred of rational thought, I felt I needed a break. I’ve been binging The Office nonstop again. I only started writing again because I’m worried Reed won’t give me credit if I don’t have enough consistent entries throughout the semester. 

My sister called me yesterday but I wasn’t feeling up for talking. A part of me doesn’t want to hear about what fun classes she’s taking her first semester of art school, or how cool and different her classmates are. I should call her back, we haven’t talked much after everything happened. 

I’m grateful for Michael Scott. And Dwight.

August 28th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I think one of the things that bothers me about this is he asked us to address the journal to ourselves. I feel like I’m just talking to myself, wasting my own time. Even as a kid, I never kept a diary. I remember Liza did. She would write about her day, and draw pictures of cool things she’d seen. She would show Mom nearly everyday, and everyday without fail Mom would compliment the art, the colors she’d chosen. I should probably call her back soon. 

I talked to a few kids in my Anthropology class today and found out we live in the same dorm. So, maybe we’ll see each other around. It’s a small thing, but I guess I’m grateful for that.

August 30th, 2024 

Dear Nora Blake, 

I called Liza back. She talked a lot, but it was nice hearing her voice. It was the longest conversation I’ve had since school started. She talked about her classes mostly, not a lot about this summer. She said she called Dad every week, which surprised me. They were never really that close before. 

Her classes were a lot harder than she had expected. Apparently most of the first year is focused on technique, rather than creativity. But she’s still really excited to learn. I think that’s always been the hardest thing about growing up with Liza, she was always so sure of her path. She loved art, from the days she could barely walk and Mom would let us fingerpaint in the backyard. Mom would get her chalk sets and Liza would grind them to dust so quickly, turning all of the sidewalks on our street to colorful murals. The neighborhood loved it. I came into college not knowing what my major would be, what my job would be afterwards. I was always so indecisive. 

I’m grateful for my sister. 

September 1st, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I made a friend! Her name is Morgan, she’s from Michigan. We’ve only hung out once, but we talked for hours. We both liked reading the same books, and both liked watching the same shows. She’s in my Anthropology class, but has no idea what she wants to do after school, or what she wants to major in. She says her parents want her to go to law school, but she’s not sure. 

We live in the same dorm, so we’ll see each other around a lot. I’m more excited now, definitely looking forward to Anthropology more. Grateful for that. 

September 5th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

It’s Sunday afternoon, I’ve been at a coffee shop with Morgan. She left to grab some food back at the dorms, but I just wanted to wrap up a quick journal entry. 

We both came to the cafe to study, but ended up talking the whole time about where we grew up and what high school was like. I told her about what happened to Mom. It was the first person I’ve had to tell the story to. Everyone in our town knew as soon as it happened, and most of the town was even at the funeral. I thought it would be harder to talk about it, but it was nice… almost. Like sharing her story kept her with me a little bit. She would’ve loved visiting me in college, I remember how proud she was when I was accepted. College would’ve been her dream too, if her parents could have afforded it. She could have led a whole different life. 

I’m grateful for my mom today. I think I’ll be grateful for her everyday for the rest of my life. 

September 10th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I was reading through some of my past entries. I guess it’s funny how you forget about the little bright bits of sunshine scattered throughout your day unless you keep track of them. Sometimes you can think you had a really shitty day, but then you remember that pretty flower you saw walking to class, or the nice girl who held the door open for you and smiled, or the feeling of nervousness when you raise your hand for the first time in class and your teacher calls on you, and loves your answer. The little things that don’t seem like much, but maybe mean the most. 

I’m grateful for the cute guy who gave me a few pieces of paper today when I had run out. 

September 12th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I was so excited to write this today – my Dad and Sister are visiting for Fall Break! I planned the whole weekend, we’re going to my favorite ramen noodle restaurant, my favorite coffee shop. We’ll spend one day walking around campus, and maybe drive into the country for a bit and find a cider mill. I’m so excited to introduce them to Morgan and show them around. I’ve texted them both nearly everyday in a group chat and they seem excited too. I think my sister and Morgan will really get along. 

Today I just feel grateful. And I don’t feel so alone anymore. 

September 15th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

I’ll never forget the feeling of running up to my family and that first group hug in a month. The look on my dad’s face was priceless. I think I caught him wiping away tears. Grateful for my family. 

September 19th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

We spent most of the day walking around campus with Morgan and her family. Liza really liked her. When we were walking back from dinner, Liza told me that she didn’t really have any good friends yet. She said she felt pretty lonely most days and spent nearly all of her time in the studio. 

I didn't really know what to say at first. But I told her that’s how I felt too when I got to school. And I told her about journaling and how it’s helped. She had stopped writing this summer and was so surprised to hear that I was keeping a diary. She smiled and said she would start again too. I’m grateful to be able to make my sister smile. 

September 20th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

My family left but we all kept talking about how excited we were for Thanksgiving and my dad said he might even visit again before that if it was okay. I assured him it was. I spent most of the past few days catching up on school work but even that couldn’t bring me down. 

It’s starting to feel like fall. I’m grateful for the crisp air, and colorful leaves. I’m grateful for some of my mom’s old sweaters I brought to keep me warm. Grateful to start a new season. 

September 26th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

Something surprising happened today. Professor Reed announced that since it was the halfway point of the semester, he wanted to offer us a choice. For the midterm, students could either take an hour long exam in class next week and stop writing the gratitude journal, or students could give a presentation in class about what they’ve learned so far from the journaling process. 

The idea of presenting in front of a whole class made my stomach nauseous but I had to. I signed up for the presentations. It’s a small thing, but it felt a little brave somehow. I guess I’m grateful to myself for that. 

September 30th, 2024

Dear Nora Blake, 

Tomorrow is presentation day. I worked up the courage to ask Morgan if she’d watch my presentation and did a practice run for her. I was surprised by the end of it to see tears in her eyes. She said she was proud of me. 

It meant a lot to hear that. I hope in some way she understands how grateful I am for her. 

The only thing I’m not sure of is how to end my presentation. How do you sum up gratitude? It’s something I’ve underestimated my whole life. I’ve always related gratitude to self-awareness. If I’m aware of the things that I’m grateful for, isn’t that enough? I’ve always been aware of the beauty of a cloudless, blue sky. The simple comfort of a hug from someone that cares about you. The pleasure of a good meal, a walk through nature, a book you can’t put down. But being aware isn’t being grateful. Gratitude is not just the quality of being thankful but also how you express that appreciation. How do you return the kindness of a stranger who flags you down when you left a notebook in a classroom? How do you show your family that you love them? How do you show the person that was the center of your world that you think about them everyday, when they aren’t with you anymore? I may not know the answer, but I know how to start. By being truly grateful.

Maybe that’s how I’ll end.    

October 3rd, 2024