The Awakening of Ruth Callahan

Ruth set her empty cup in the sink and walked toward the balcony. On the way, the bottle of wine they’d received for their anniversary beckoned to her from the table. She picked it up and scrutinized it as she recounted the meeting of the previous night. The people there were welcoming and genuinely expressed their interest in getting to know her and George. Though she’d only met Gloria a couple nights ago, she felt she could trust this leader of these people. This was despite the strange and alarming things that had been shared with her. Ruth’s mind flashed back to the meeting.

Gloria held the old book open before her and read unrecognizable words. Periodically, there was a response from the listeners in the same tongue. Even though she couldn’t understand what was being spoken, Ruth sensed something strangely appealing about what she was watching. She didn’t feel bored or out-of-touch. After about five minutes, Gloria set the book down on the chair next to her. She raised her arms up and began singing. Her voice was pleasing. The other members joined in. Soon, the room was filled with the sound of their voices. The melody was intoxicating, with men and women’s voices blended in beautiful harmonies that came and went with the progression of the song. A feeling of warmth seemed to enter the room and one felt like the space was larger than it was. As she listened, Ruth realized that she no longer heard the noise of the ship’s engine room nearby. The voices of the singers were by no means louder than that of the engines, but rather, seemed to eclipse them. It was almost as if that sound was being replaced. Ruth began to think she’d never heard anything so beautiful in her life. Tears filled her eyes. An urge arose inside for her to stand to which she unconsciously responded.

As the singing continued, wave after wave of warm feelings came over Ruth. At the same time, an unsettled feeling began to make its presence known. Ruth couldn’t put her finger on it. Soon it began to distract her from the peaceful sensations she was experiencing. She wanted it to go away, but it persisted. Something familiar about it haunted her thoughts. What was it? The peace she had felt before began to erode. She looked at the faces of those around. All seemed to be beaming with satisfaction, contentment. Was she the only one feeling this?

Ruth was brought back to the present. That’s why she was here now. She couldn’t let that sensation go. She was unsure of what to think of everything she’d been told. She wanted to be open. George, however, was very skeptical. As she turned the wine bottle in her hand, she remembered Gloria’s warming from their first meeting.

“I urge you to get rid of it. Do not drink it.”

 Ruth had intentionally not mentioned any of that to George. It would have only added fuel to his objections. She knew the subject would have to be broached, if and when they ever opened it up. It’s just a bottle of wine. What could be so bad? She set it back down and walked to the balcony. The overcast sky added to her somber mood. She thought about her family, about the things Gloria had said. Flashes of her past whizzed by and Ruth felt her knees buckling. She dropped into a chair. Again, her conversation with Gloria about this person called Eyah-sah and Kyrios, the being who sent him, came to mind.

“Get alone. Get somewhere you can be without distractions, where nothing will be able to compete with your attention and talk to him.”

“Talk to him? How do you talk to someone you can’t see?”

“By acting as if he is there. I assure you; he will be. Don’t give up. Press on. What you’ve been fed your whole life is like a fog that has to be burned away. It can take some time, but it’s worth it.”

“What happens?” asked Ruth.

“He’ll make himself known to you.” Gloria touched Ruth’s breastbone. “Here. This is where you will see him, and he’ll show you what you need to see.”

Now Ruth looked up and around. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know where to start or what to do. Is anybody really there? Is anyone even listening?” Ruth sat there for a few moments waiting for something. She didn’t know what that was. As time passed, she began to feel rather foolish about her solo conversation. “I should just get dressed.”

As she rose to leave, she felt something restraining her. It wasn’t words per se, but more like her own consciousness telling her not to go. She stopped and turned back around. Stepping to the railing, she grabbed onto it and stared out over the water. “Is that you or is it me? Am I just imagining things?” Ruth stood silently for a few moments. Her head lifted upward. “E--Eyah-sah? Is that you?”

Suddenly, a new sensation. It seemed she was not alone. There was a presence with her, not on the balcony, but all around her. Somehow, she perceived that it had been there all along but only now had she become aware of it. “Is that you? You’re here?” Again, it was not words, but she felt a confirmation in her that was an answer to her question.

“Can you help me? I was told to seek you. I need to know what’s going on. I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do. Please, I need your help.” Tears began to fill her eyes. “Please, Eyah-sah, if you’re there.”

Just then, she felt something calming her heart. She sensed understanding, compassion, even concern for her life. “You’re here, I know you’re here. Gloria said you would show me what I need to see. Please, show me.”

At that, the calming began to fade. The same unsettling feelings she’d experienced in the meeting with Gloria and the group began to return. Only this time they were more pronounced, more pointed. Like they were trying to direct her thoughts to a specific place. She felt a wrenching of her emotions. “What? What is it? What is this I’m feeling? I’m so disturbed. What’s happening? What are you trying to tell me?”

Ruth gripped the railing tightly as the sensation intensified. She could hardly stand it anymore. “Help! I’m in agony over this!”

Glenda Harboro. That name suddenly popped into Ruth’s mind. Glenda had been a childhood friend. As young children they had been inseparable. Glenda was a rather clumsy girl and not particularly attractive, but she had a sweet personality. Ruth was her only real friend. That is, until they had gotten older, and Ruth had begun to date George. The time they spent together began to diminish in its frequency and duration. Ruth felt guilty about it at first, but as she spent more and more time with George and their circle of friends, that passed. Those guilty feelings now returned. Long buried memories arose in a slideshow of scenes that recalled how Ruth had specifically been distant, insensitive, even cruel in her treatment of her friend.

One particular incident proved especially bothersome. Ruth and her girlfriends were seated together at lunch and Glenda came up in the conversation. The other girls made light of her, making all manner of disparaging remarks about her looks. Ruth recalled with horror now how she had laughed with them. Just as this was going on, Glenda walked by their table carrying a plate of food from the buffet. She stopped momentarily and looked at Ruth with sadness. The other girls shut up and looked at their plates with awkward expressions. The sinking feeling Ruth had felt at the time returned. As Glenda continued on, the other girls giggled and smirked among themselves. Ruth sat silently, awash in shameful guilt.

Interaction between Glenda and Ruth became nothing more than occasional encounters at various activities on the ship. Ruth felt for the longest time the need to address the situation, but her guilt-ridden conscience wouldn’t let her. Eventually, she buried everything deep inside and carried on with her life.

Now, a final memory of her old childhood friend came into focus. It was fifteen years ago; the day Glenda left the ship. A small gathering stood on the main deck with Glenda standing on the exit platform. Ruth hadn’t been able to bring herself to join the group. She, instead, was some distance away on a walkway facing the ceremony. Glenda turned to walk onto the catwalk but took one final look to the backdrop as if hoping to see someone. Ruth hadn’t realized it at the time, but now was fully aware that her old friend was looking for her. She watched Glenda step onto the catwalk and into the void of the Black Ship. Her old friend was gone. She had never had any children, had never even married. Not many had been there to see her go. As if someone had punched her in the stomach, Ruth collapsed onto the balcony deck and buried her head in her hands.

“Oh, no, what have I done? What have I done? How could I?” She began to convulse in sobs. “Oh, Glenda, how could I? I’m so sorry. You were so nice, and I was so cruel. I wish you were here to tell you but you’re not and I’m so awfully sorry. I need your forgiveness, but I can’t get it. How can I live? How can I live?” The presence Ruth had felt before returned. She looked up in desperation. “Oh, Eyah-sah, help me! Please help me!”

Instantly, the words Gloria had spoken before about Eyah-sah came to mind, but more than that. Ruth could visualize what had been spoken to her. She saw this man being beaten and strapped to the stern of the ship. She saw a man cry out and go limp. She saw a lifeless body get cut loose and tossed like a rag into the sea. She recalled Gloria’s words about Eyah-sah taking our guilt upon himself. That’s when Ruth realized that she had a part in it all. Her guilt was driving this selfless act. She bore responsibility. She cried out.

“Oh, Eyah-sah, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all of it. How could I have treated her like that? Poor, dear Glenda. I’m sorry for hurting you. Forgive me. Please, please forgive me.” Ruth curled up in a ball. She wept and wept, repeating “Forgive me” over and over.

Then, as if a heavy burden had been lifted off her, Ruth felt a lightness in her heart. All at once, she became aware of an overwhelming presence that overshadowed her. It was like someone had stepped onto the balcony with her, though no one was visible. The oppressive guilt she had felt was totally gone. In its place she felt an indescribable warmth she’d never experienced in all her years. This presence was like what she felt from Eyah-sah but was different. It was unique to itself. Then it burst upon her in a flood as if someone had turned on a light and she could see for the first time. She rose to her knees.

“Father!” she cried out. “You’re my father. It’s you. You’re my father. All this time and I never knew. It’s you, Kyrios.”

Tears of comfort, relief, peace, and contentment poured from her eyes as she absorbed it all. A new awareness had become part of her. She sensed and realized things hidden for her entire life. Something had happened to Ruth deep in her core. She knew now that this Kyrios had always wanted to be that to her, a father. All those thousands of years ago, that was his intent from the beginning. More than a creature, she was now transformed into a child of this marvelous being. The plan and the intent of Kyrios was now manifesting itself in her heart. Now it became apparent to her that she had to see her need for forgiveness before she could realize it. It was Eyah-sah. He made it possible. She was free. Her guilt was gone. There was nothing in the way of or that could hide this new-found relationship. Not only was she forgiven. Ruth was loved. She was really loved. “Thank you. Oh, thank you, father. Thank you, Eyah-sah. Oh, Eyah-sah, dear Eyah-sah, how can I possibly thank you?” Ruth bent over with her knees on the balcony deck, repeating softly, “Thank you.”

After a few minutes she quickly raised her head. Something new had just been revealed to her. “No!” she said with excitement. “Is that who you really are, Eyah-sah? I must tell Gloria. I must tell George. I must tell everyone.” She quickly rose to her feet. There was a new spring in her step, not at all like that of a seventy-something. “I must tell Gloria first.”

As she headed for the door, the bottle on the table seemed to jump out at her. She picked it up and looked it over. The words Gloria had spoken echoed in her mind, but this time it was not her voice. That same impression from inside of her was now the source. She knew what she had to do. “We’re not having this.” Ruth marched out to the balcony and drew the bottle back. As she got ready to throw it out to sea, a thought occurred to her. What will George think?

She hesitated, then recalled Gloria’s words regarding the Dark Ones and their influence. She looked at the bottle. “I don’t care anymore. There’s a lot of things I don’t care about anymore.” With a grunt, Ruth hurled the bottle over the railing, then turned and headed for the door. She opened it and stepped outside. “I must tell Gloria,” she said with a giggle as she closed the door. Then she turned and bounced down the hallway, still in her nightclothes.