Water drips down the side of my cream-colored dress. The brown bomber jacket I had once worn was floating away in the vast waters of the Puget Sound. I shiver deeply. The cool autumn air of little old Magnolia, Washington. I emerge from brisk waters. I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand, causing red marks to form. I grab my shoes off the graffitied rock they were resting on. Up the graveled path I walked up, sighing with each step. Soon, the gloomy neighborhood that hugged the path to the secret beach had turned into a winding staircase. Behind me, a gray car rolled up. The windows came down slowly, squeaking along its way. "C'mon Ana, you can't hide forever."
Andy Barrel. My irksome neighbor. My mom had told him and his brother, Harrold, to look out for me. Harrold had gone off to college two years ago, leaving Andy with his parents and yippy puppy, olive.
I sigh knowing I couldn't defeat the wrath of Andy Barrel. And into the grey-painted 1970 AMC Hornet, I went. The engine kick-started as Andy fidgeted with the rusty key. The old car had been his grandfather's in the 70s, His dad's in the '90s, and Harrold's 3 years ago. Andy put his hands on the rough leather steering wheel, turning out of the road and driving up the hill.
"so, where are we heading?" Andy asked tilting his head ever so slightly. The sleeve of the red flannel shirt he was wearing moving as he turned the wheel.
"Serendipity" I answered quietly. I had worked at the sit-in cafe since the summer. I had always kept extra clothes in the back due to an espresso incident in July.
Andy nodded his head, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair, it was more of a caramel brown in my opinion. He seemed to be questioning my state of being at the moment. How was I supposed to explain the sopping wet party dress or why I had been gone for hours. I sat up stretching to read the clock in the car. 6:34 pm. My parents should still be at their dinner party. My step-dad Chris had somehow convinced my mother, Tina, to go to. Chris was a chef so he always had some party to attend so they weren't always around. That left me to my lonesome.
I kept noticing Andy glancing at me as he drove down the hill to the Village.
"I'm alright. You don't have to act as you care." I snapped at the boy. His expression stiffened, but he stayed silent.
Soon enough we rolled up to Serendipity. I opened the car door and slammed it right as Andy opened his mouth to speak. I jingled the cafe's shiny keys as jammed them into the door. Andy ran across the sidewalk as I opened the door.
"Ana-" he started concern washing over his face.
"Sorry, we are closed" I fake smiled in annoyance. He pushed his way through the glass doors as I turned on the lights.
"yes?" I asked as I searched for my clothes behind the counter.
"Look Ana, I'm not doing all of this because of your mom you know."
"that's doubtful" I jut in as I grabbed my mom-jeans and sweater from behind a box.
Andy sighed. "I'm doing this because you just ran out on your own birthday party and disappeared!" he furiously exclaimed. He was clearly mad at me but I didn't care. As Andy rambled on I made my way to the bathroom, he followed.
"will you please listen to me?" he fumed. I rolled my eyes and shut the bathroom door.
"You can't just ignore everything and pretend they are gonna go away, Ana" Noted the boy. I zipped up the jeans I had on and tossed the dress on the ground. The sweater I threw on was a gift from my dad, one of the only things he has given me. I pulled open the bathroom door, startling Andy.
"Just leave me alone, I'm not in the mood for you're stupid pep-talks" I yelled back.
"I'm just trying to protect you" he quipped.
"oh yeah? from who?" I asked with anger.
"yourself." He blankly stated. "look, Ana, you can't just cut people out from your life and pretend you are okay. That's not how life works. You can't just run away like..like.."
"Like my mom did? huh? Is that how you see me? The second life gets tough I'll run away with my daughter and marry a rich chef and leave my job-less husband behind" I rant, tears forming in my eyes. Andy threw his head back in annoyance
"Leave me alone" I stated and left the shop. I ran to the field and underneath a large oak tree. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater. The stars above me glimmered, signaling the beginning of the long night. The sound of leaves crunching behind me made me shiver. Andy slid down next to me. I caught my breath.
"I'm sorry Ana. I just- " he sighed. "I worry about you. I see how your parents hardly pay attention to you and I see how you are hurt. I know your birthday is a tough time for you" He reached his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small gift box. He handed it to me. I took the small box from his arms. I carefully tugged at the tattered ribbon until it dropped off of the box. I opened the container shakily. laying on top was a piece of parchment that said 'happy birthday anna' and a polaroid. I can remember the moment captured clear as the day. I was sitting in the barrel's garden. I was maybe 7 or 8 years old at the time making Andy 9 or 10. He had taught me how to make bracelets out of wildflowers. I smiled at the fond memory. I lifted the paper and photograph out of the box to reveal a smaller white box. I peered up at Andy and he shyly smiled. I took the white box in my hand and lifted the top off. Inside was a small silver ring with a star on top. I found myself smiling instantly. I pulled the ring onto my middle finger. I held up my hand to see it better. Smiling, I dropped my hand to my side. I locked eyes with Andy. A red blush crept onto my face.
"Thank you" was all I managed to get out. Thinking back, Andy had always been there for me. He never had to but he was.
Andy nodded his head and lay down in the grass, putting his arms behind his head. I saw him staring at the twinkling stars. Copying his movements, I grinned. I don't know why, but I couldn't keep the stupid smile off my face and I'm glad I couldn't
-stars by Ava Lynn
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1 comment
Hello Ava, Critique Circle here! I liked your story, this was very sweet. The dialogue was good. So realistic I don't think it needed half the dialogue tags you used. I only have some grammatical niggles. I enjoy writing and reading the first person present. Overall, I think you did a great job but in the first paragraph there was "I shiver", "I emerge", "I dig", "I grab" all quite close to each other. I'm not saying these should all be changed! Just that a little more variety would improve the flow. "Up the graveled path I walked up" - ...
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