The Yellow Room

I placed the last bag down and surveyed the room again.

I have lived here for exactly a year and so much has happened that this room has witnessed. 

The brown stain, the wheel marks, the red paint….memories filled my brain and I felt the familiar feeling of sadness. 

The sunlight filtered through the painted glass window, angling itself in a way that it illuminates the entire room evenly. That was the first thing i noticed when i saw this room; the way the sunlight touched every corner of it.

I started calling it the yellow room and everyone who ever lived or visited here also called it that. It was a place to be happy in, to relax in, to be safe in.

It was home.

There was one more thing I had to do before I left.

I bent down and took my little journal and sat down at the door. Since the day I came here till today, I have written in this book. It holds the story of both mine and the room itself.

I pressed my back against the door, brought my knees to my chest, took a deep breath in and cracked open the book.

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01/01/2001                                                       

12:47 pm

I moved into the new house today. There is a window here that makes the sunlight beam across the entire room, the mornings are very sunshiney, very yellow….it makes the walls look like I have painted yellow on it. 

Can you imagine that?

A yellow room??

I think i’ll call this house that….the yellow room.

Im sitting on the floor now. The furniture won't be here till next tuesday and that is partially my fault. 

I really wanted to move into here on the first day of the year, so that i can say i moved into my house on the first day of the first month of the first year of the 21st century, or is 2001 the second year?

I don’t know...i'm calling it the first.

The moving company had warned me beforehand about the traffic on new year and i had promptly ignored that warning and moved in anyways. I am definitely going to regret that decision after a few days of sleeping on the floor.

But i cannot be so ungrateful.

I am more than happy that I do not have lousy and noisy people for neighbours, it was a smart choice to move into a complex with old people. A lame choice for a 20 year old woman but also a quiet one.

Speaking about quiet, I am quite sleepy….

So, goodnight:)

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07/01/2001                                                       

10:15 pm

I really shouldn’t call you a diary….a diary is something people write in on a daily basis and I haven't written in you for about a week. Calling you a diary is insulting to the entire diary community!

What should I call you instead though? I think the word journal is more fitting. It is almost synonymous with a diary but does not need to be written in on a daily basis, thus making it a perfect option.

So that is what you’ll be….my journal.

In other news, the furniture arrived today. I spent the entire morning bringing up stuff and placing them aesthetically around the room. The room seems so much smaller now with the stuff but at least now I can sleep on a bed!

I even got a desk and a chair. I painted the rolling chair black and completely forgot about that and now I have marks on the floor! The rug is strategically placed over it already and let's just pray the landlord does not check under rugs.

The room desperately needs some plants...maybe some pilea or a spider plant or maybe a giant chamaedorea to make the room more green. Maybe I should just paint the walls green or maybe a money plant that I could hang on the ceiling borders or a tall snake plant by the door……

Anyways, when the mirror was brought up today, it created a rainbow mosaic on the walls and as soon as the people went, i stood in front of it and it was such a beautiful experience. 

My mousy brown hair turned red in the light and my dull green eyes caught the reflected sunlight in the most beautiful way possible! I wanted to take a picture but the camera couldn’t capture the beauty correctly and after messing around with the flash a bit, I gave up.

I positioned and re-positioned the furniture until sundown, had the first cooked meal in the room (it was boiled eggs and spinach, i did not go grocery shopping), made the bed and is now lying on it talking to you. 

I should be asleep now, my muscles hurt and my eyes are heavy..i am not used to so much physical exertion on a single day!!

I can’t make myself write anymore, my hands have already fallen asleep.

So, goodbye.

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23/01/2001                                                       

02:29 am     

I saw an angel today.

She was wearing the most ripped pair of jeans I have seen in my life and the brightest rainbow color crop top and I was completely blown away.

Ahh!! You should have seen her….her long pink hair in a messy bun and the slight smear of lipstick on her top lip and the smell of sunflowers when she walks by!!!!

I AM IN LOVE!

I saw her for a total of 5 minutes maybe while we were standing in line for coffee and she must have noticed me for 2 minutes in it. 

It took me 30 seconds to fall in love with her, 3 minutes for her to smile at me and 4.5 minutes for her to slip her number to me.

I have already saved the number into my phone and researched her through her socials and I have fallen so deeply.

Have I texted her yet?

No...i don't want to seem too desperate and i think a message at 2 am is going to scare her off. 

I know that i should wait till tomorrow morning but the blood is pumping so fast through my body and i cannot stop being excited and i cannot sleep.

But i probably should...i just saw myself in the mirror and those dark circles are not going to be there when i call her, i am going to make sure of that.

So after an intensive and over the top skin care routine, I am going to sleep.

At Least try to.

So, goodbye. :))))))

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03/02/2001                                                        

4:57 pm

Oh god..it's been so long since i wrote here, so much happened. 

I can’t believe that I wrote about meeting Andy in the last entry and then completely left you hanging. 

I am so sorry...now I can't believe I am apologizing to a piece of paper.

So...yeah….andy….i did text her the next day and asked her out on a date to the new restaurant around the block. She said yes and we had a great time and i kept on thinking about how she looked like the girls in the poems with her twinkling eyes and the shining smile.

As you would have guessed, I was smitten and apparently and fortunately, she liked me too. We have been dating since then and trust me when I tell you, she is the one.

Yeah yeah...i know that i said the same thing with jackson and davis and samantha and riley but this time it's different, this time she thinks it too.

We might be moving in together soon and I know you’ll think it's too soon but this is true love in its finest form.

You cannot stop it.

Anyways, she’s back now so goodbye.

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10/03/2001                                                      

08:12 pm

She moved in with me today!!

I have been so busy now with loving her and being loved by her that I sometimes completely forget about you.

I am sorry about that but you should know she is irresistible when it comes to charming people.

And she was so irresistibly charming when she told me that we should move in together. My heart did skip a few metaphorical beats and I did feel some butterflies floating around in my lower belly and I did feel like the sun exploded into a bright rainbow in my head….in other words, I felt joy.

We moved her things in today and we went to shop for the plants (yes, the same plants i told you about on the first day…..i still haven't gotten them). 

We visited this plant shop called Herb's herbarium, kinda weird to be honest but Andy assured me that they have the best growing plants in town and I believe her.

We found a really tall spider plant with thick leaves, a monstera deliciosa (love the name), a set of cute garden ornaments and a series of herbs. We also brought a bunch of seeds and pots and soil in the attempt to make the best fully functioning garden possible. Andy saw a purple gardening overall and even though it had absolutely no use, she brought it.

Actually, it did have a use for me….she looked gorgeous in that.

It took us all of the afternoon to set up the plants(i dropped one and now there is a brown stain on the wall as a reminder) and then we went on the most romantic dinner possible (it was her birthday today) and I presented her with a particular crystal necklace that she has been searching for a long time.

As you can guess, she loved it and I loved that she loved it and we both loved this lovely day!

It was amazing and i love her so much.

I love you, I love you, I love you Andy :)))

Goodbye. :)

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13/03/2001                                                       

11:47 am

Andy had the brilliant idea yesterday to paint the windows so that the room will light up in brilliant colors when the sunlight hits it.

That woman is a genius!

So yesterday morning, we went out to get some glass paint and we bought a set of beautiful paint that came in these containers that looked like little eye drops.

She loved that it looked like it and we both fangirled over that element for more time than necessary. Once home, we scoured the internet for the perfect piece of art and we found a painting of two butterflies with a heart in between them.

We loved it and all through yesterday we were painting that on the wall. I had no experience as an artist, i am more of a writer but andy, oh my god andy….she rocked. She drew a butterfly and I drew a circle with 6 weird lines coming out of it. 

She told me it was better than I was thinking. I don't believe her.

It took about 4 hours to finish. Half of the time was spent painting and the other half was spent on trying to get as much paint as possible on the other person. I succeeded in the latter task and by the end we both were giggling and covered in paint.

It was beautiful. 

A little less beautiful when she noticed the big glob of red paint that i missed and threw outside the protective newspaper surface which has then forever left a mark on the floor. She schooled me pretty hard on that but even she couldn't resist the pure joy the day itself held and before we knew it, we both were laughing and falling over each other.

It was a beautiful day and an even beautifuler night.

It is the next morning right now and the sunlight is filtering through the multicoloured butterflies in the best way possible.

The yellow room is ablaze with color now and three stripes of blue, green and red are falling perfectly on the sleeping andy’s face.

I am going to take a picture and cherish this memory forever.

Oh god...she is stirring, i have to go and make her a romantic breakfast in bed right now, so, goodbye:)

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30/04/2001                                                       

01:00 pm

So...umm….andy is in the hospital.

She got into a car accident down the highway, a truck came and hit her red prius out of nowhere..

She..uh..she’s in the emergency room and i can see doctors going out and going in and the lights in here are really bright. I came here over 5 hours ago, I still haven't changed out of my pajamas and none of the doctors or nurses are willing to answer my questions. They are all just running, all of them just moving and yelling and I don't know how or where Andy is.

She had asked me come pick her up from the airport and i had told her i was too tired too when i wasn't, i really wasn't...i could have picked her up...if only i had picked her up, maybe she wouldn't be here, maybe she would be home with me right now, maybe she’d be sleeping next to me, maybe….

My heart hurts...i never knew pain could be felt so literally. It hurts, everything hurts. I should have been there, shouldn't have left her on her own…

The doctor is walking towards me...i have to get going.

Andy is going to be fine, she is fine, she is fine, she is fine.

Everything is going to be fine.

Goodbye.

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18/08/2001                                                       

03:45 am

Hi.

It's been about three months now.

Sarah, my therapist told me it would be a good idea to write on you again, that it would be a good idea to tell you what happened so I can move on.

So, here I am.

yeah..so..umm..Andy. She died.

The truck pushed her car three metres down the road on the impact and they had to pry her out of the seat. They tried their best to..save her..but they couldn’t and she died.

March 1st, 2001 at 5:34 am, Andrea John Walker died.

I...I couldn't take it. My entire life, i couldn't ever take bad news well..it always drove me off the edge.

My mum used to tell me it was because I fell too hard in love with everyone that when they left, it made a void in me. She said all that and then jumped off the roof the next week.

My whole life, people kept leaving me and i kept getting hurt but i never learned my lesson.

I fell again and again and again for andy...the girl made of glass and honey and gossamer that filled my life to the brim, I love her so much…….i loved her so much.

….ever since she left, the room has grown dark as if she took all the light with her when she left. The nights have become scarier somehow and the colors itself has dimmed.

Like my mother said, i do have a void inside me and i...i am in so much pain.

I miss her so much..I miss waking up to her, I miss seeing her water the plants in her purple overalls, I miss the smell of sunflowers in her hair and the beautiful smile that she had.

I miss her so much!

Sometimes, I just want to go to her. I just want to leave everything behind and leave.

But i cant..i can't part with everything that she left behind. 

I just...i love her, i love her so much that it consumes me and i hope it never stops consuming me.

Goodbye.

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05/11/2001                                                       

12:09 pm

My brother called today again to check up on me. He suggested that I leave with him back to omaha when he visits next month.

He told me to fill an application to the college there and said that a change of scenery will only do good.

Sarah also thinks it's a good idea.

I think i am going to do it.

I think i am going to fill out the application.

I think I am ready to leave.

Goodbye.

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28/12/2001                                                       

11:00 am

The date is set. I am leaving on the 31st of december. It is a coincidence really….exactly one year.

The moving company will be here tomorrow and my brother is going to drive me back home. I got into the college there thanks to the grades of last semester and I got an email a few weeks ago that said that they were to welcome me.

The plants are going with me, so is the overalls. 

I can't take the window but i have multiple pictures.

So...yeah...im leaving.

I'm leaving the yellow room.

Goodbye.

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I shut the book and wiped a tear off. It's been a long year and I'm leaving now for a new beginning. 

My brother walked in, looked at me strangely and picked up the bag. He signed for me to get up and follow him and I nodded in return. 

I got up and watched as he walked past the board on the door with the words ‘the yellow room’ written on it. Scrawled at the bottom with red paint was ‘by Liza and Andy’. I smiled and followed him out.

So much has happened in so little time.

I glanced back at the room again, the one steady witness to it all: Goodbye yellow room.