Pain for Peace

She loved reading.

She visited the local library every single day. Librarians loved her so they gave her books for free because She always

returned them on time.

This was a very long time ago.. She fell in love with a wrong man. From the first second he already meant everything for her. The love was very pure and fragile.

She barely knew him so she wanted to get to know him better. She knew that one wrong step or over trying would lead to fatal consequence for her feeling so She was very prudent.

Months passed, She waited in the streets every single day to only see his face. Nothing was happening. This love was getting bigger and stronger but reality was static. She had met him several times. They started hanging out some days. She

became one of his many friends. This hurt her but it was better than standing on the street and waiting for his car to pass by.

She was taking all her chances so one day, when he asked her to give him a book

that would be interesting to read, She got very happy. She gave him Dostoevsky's Karamazov brothers. This was the

greatest moment because he loved reading and She thought, "he'll read this

in 3 days and then we'll have something to talk about".

After 2 years he had vanished with the book. Soon she found out that he was arrested.

The book was lost. It could be located everywhere. She was waiting the whole time. Her phone didn't ring for once through all this time. So now She had to

find the book because it belonged to a local library and it was necessary to return it. She did not want to call anybody from his family because She was

invisible for them.

First

thing She wanted to do was to return this book and the second thing was to keep her secret of loving this man. This was everything She had.

One day She decided to get to his house.

She got there but nothing was found. Then She tried to get in his old car, also to see if the book was at his family's house but the book vanished with him.

She had to tell Librarians that She had lost the book forever but no one was waiting for its return anymore. She couldn't go to the library because of the shame.

One more year passed. She couldn't visit her library anymore. She had to buy new books. This was very disturbing but more disturbing was the fact that her loving man had been disappeared.

One day, when she heard the news about

the exempting of many prisoners, She thought he would be free too. So She started stalking. It was May, and the streets were warmed by the sun rays. She saw him near her house walking down the street. She came running up to him and

asked where her book was. At first, he was a bit confused because it seemed he forgot about it but then he told her he had lost it.

This was the worst news for Her. She felt like her love for him slowly started disappearing because of the disrespect of her. She

couldn’t get angry but she knew he was being rude to her so she decided to forget him, She decided to forget this human and to live normally without overthinking about the unreal things.

Everything was forgotten, She got married, had 1 beautiful daughter and moved from the town but not far away. There was no more library, no more old books. Life went on and She was very happy with her family.

One day when She was checking her mail, She found one strange one which said the address and the date. She followed the instructions that lead her to the Post Office. There She was given the package. There was written - Do not open it at home please.

She got nervous, something told her not to open this package and to just get rid of it but She opened it anyways. It was her book..

She was very confused. There was an inscription; "I'm sorry I had to behave as I did but I had no other choice. I've loved you for whole my life and I was carrying the book till the end of my days. Now when I know you will never meet me, I give it to you as the memory of my true love to you. Nothing was real in

my life. This little peace made me so happy everyday.. I love you and nothing's going to change that! I know when you read this you will wonder why did I do nothing.. I saved you from myself, I saved you from my life which had always been a mess. I am not a brave man and

that's why you were alone while being in love with me.. I hope you carry this book with yourself because it will be the only true memory about me.. Do you remember when you asked me if I had your book and I said I had lost it? Lying was the most difficult because I knew you were so close to me at that moment.. I could run away with you but I didn’t.. I have made so many mistakes in my life but I want you to be the happiest person and to have the beautiful life! Goodbye my love.."

Her eyes were filled with tears, but there was nothing she could do to find out more although She didn't want to.. First thing She did was that She drove to the library. She wanted to get rid of the book and to get rid of these memories that were raised from the dead.

She entered and She saw that there were new librarians.. She would seem crazy to tell them the story behind her book so She decided to return home.

She felt strange. This was the first time She felt alive. Her husband didn't notice anything. This felt annoying but wasn’t killing her. Behind the "happy life" She was still invisible. The saddest thing was that She wouldn't be able to meet the person She still loved.. This feeling woke up in her and reminded her about the childhood, about every single day She struggled. These were the happiest days of her life. She smiled.

This was the most tragic smile because the unreal sadness appeared. Why do some

people get no chance in life to be happy? This one book had changed her life but there was nothing physical that could ever make her happy. She was all by herself. She was dreaming all this time. No one truly knew her. She had kept this secret till the end of her days. She didn’t tell this even to her

daughter.