The End of the Beginning

The End of the Beginning

By Heather Ann Martinez

When I was younger, I could see at least four colors in the sky year round. The rain used to heal the land, and I could whisper my secrets to the trees. I’ve had the opportunity to see so much of this world. I traveled for work. I traveled to satisfy curiosities a book or movie could not. I tried to learn a new language every other year. Like many of my colleagues, I planned out my future. I kept learning. I kept reading and researching. I loved deeply along the way, but I knew I could not settle for learning about the habits of one person. I could not fulfill their needs nor could they fulfill mine. I knew I did not want to stay anywhere for a long time. Ironically, I am nearing the end of my life. I will not have much choice but to stay still until someone brings me back.

There is no cure for the disease I carry yet. There is no treatment that will slow the disease down, but there is a way to save me from passing on. I can avert death. I can be frozen in stasis. It is ridiculously expensive and risky. I have nothing to lose and a possible lifetime to gain. All I’ve wanted is more time here. I haven’t done everything I’ve wanted to do yet, and I know there is so much I can share with the people of the future so that they never have to make the same mistakes we have. This is the end of the beginning. Humanity already experienced its infancy. Our place in the universe has already been marked. We have proven that we can run the race. Defeat only exists in our minds. We are only limited by what we think will limit us. I am amazed that we have made it this far despite countless wars, famine, and pestilence. We are heading toward the next age. If we are lucky, we will skip our toddler years.

As I am preparing for my long rest in the stasis tube, this is what I am looking forward to being a part of in the future. I am certain the people of the future will tell me we have reached full maturity. I am certain they will tell me they have cured every illness and solved every problem that remains unsolved today. I am hoping that I can enhance their experience as much as I am certain they will enhance mine. Our trivial burdens of today will not even be something that they even think about. Our problems today will be placed in pages of their history books. What weighs so heavily on us now will not be thought of. I can’t wait for that to resonate with me. Can you imagine not being preoccupied with how your going to pay your mortgage, your car lease, for your illness, your child’s education or retirement years? I am looking forward to the day when I won’t see someone holding a piece of cardboard in their hands asking for money, a home, a job or a better life.

Some said we wouldn’t make it this far. I’m living optimistically in thinking we will make it much longer than we ever dared to hope to. Perhaps it is for selfish reasons. I have stared death in the face. I have a disease that has been labeled terminal. I feel well most days. I have prepared extended family, colleagues and friends for my departure. I gave them my blessing to hold a memorial service in my honor if that comforted them to do so. I intend to wake up again some day. I intend to see the four colors in the sky and whisper more secrets to the trees. I don’t expect this not to work. I expect to be frozen for a while, and I expect to be thawed. I look forward to the young people of the future peppering me with questions about how I live now. I do not carry regrets. I did the best that I could with what I was given. I’m sure I could have done more to help my neighbor, my community, my state or country. I always felt like my voice was drown out by the voices of so many others. I know I didn’t have any prize-winning solutions or many words of wisdom. I had a few that I lived by. I tried to always be kind even if I wanted to punch someone or something.

You may be wondering if I am bringing anything with me in my stasis capsule. I opted to bring nothing. I want to start my life again with a clean slate. I do not want to be attached to anything here. I’m not a child carrying around my favorite blanket. I don’t have any treasured possessions and do not want the people of the future to think that all of the people of today carried the same pen or tablet or cell phone in their back pocket. The things that matter most in my day-to-day life will not matter at all in a few weeks. Like so many of us, I could not go more than two hours without my cell phone or computer. I stayed connected to the cyber world as most people I knew did. I worked in the nine to five rat race craving the attention of my superiors and settling for people pleasing at the pub down the street. I wouldn’t have called myself ambitious. I just knew what I wanted and how to go about getting it. Even now with the label terminal looming over my head, I am still going for another round. I don’t want to start over and come back as an infant. I want to come back with all of my memories and emotions fully intact. I know my own weaknesses and I know where my strengths are. I am hoping I will be welcomed by the people of the future as I bid farewell to the people of the past.