THE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING A SOUL

***Potentially Disturbing Themes Involving Mental Illness***

In the pitch black of time and space, I think I know three things.  I am in a stranger’s car.  I don’t know where I am going. I can barely breathe but I dare not move. The moldy blanket that covers me ensures my breathing will be shallow because I’m afraid I’ll gag if I take in its dank, suffocating stench. I might make some sound. The last time I did, he threatened to hurt us. So, I focus my efforts and attention on keeping the kitten nestled against my chest calm and quiet.

By the way, today is my birthday.

Sometime earlier today, I was in Walden Park with six of my best friends. I haven’t had a cake and ice cream party since I was twelve. So, me and my posse met up at the park where we could discretely vape to Me -- Audrey -- Day, earbang some tunes and trash talk, all to my 14 year-old heart’s content. 

Then I went to the woods to pee,

just me.

And as I was about to piss,

Just behind, I heard a hiss

A tiny kitten all alone,

She seemed to want me as her own.

And that’s all I remember until waking up under a burlap-type tarp. I think I woke up; I still can’t be sure. It took time and effort for my brain to reconnect with my hands, my feet.  I lick my lips and concentrate on the sensation of moisture meeting dry, yet soft skin. I taste salt, a hint of sweet from faded mango lip gloss and residual vape flavor. There's something else, something chemical, but that upsets me because that’s when I remember.

I’m fourteen today! I’m in a stranger’s car in the back seat! I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I am . . . WAIT!

I thought I’d grown hair on my chest. Maybe I'm part of some werewolf lineage. Maybe . . .

My heart doesn’t purr, but I somehow wish it could. I am not alone after all. As feeling returns to my fingers, I gently explore the fluff ball of kitten lying next to me; number one, to reassure myself it is alive and, number two, reassure myself that I am, too.

I really come to life when I realize my shorts are around my ankles. Before terror takes too firm a hold, I slowly peel back the covering and try not to noticeably gulp air.

Before I speak, I can see that it’s dark. I see street lights and some traffic. I study the latch on the passenger door next to me.

“Before you get any smart ideas,” reptilian eyes in the rearview mirror stare me down, “I highly advise against it, birthday girl.”

My mind froze just then and, still, I glance towards my legs.  The driver gives a dry, hollow laugh that holds no pleasure in it.

“Let’s just say I took you as you were. We’re going to have a private party, you and I. And, if you don’t follow the rules, I’ll have to decide who to punish first, you or the poor little putty-tat. Think about it.”

*    *    *

This brings us back to me breathing unbreathable air under that filthy tarp. I spent some indeterminate time shimmying my shorts back where they belong. I found the pockets empty, of course.  The kitten was almost too quiet and I found myself as concerned about my fellow hostage as I was myself. I’m sure the nutcase up front was counting on that happening but I didn’t care. For some strange reason, I knew we were both going to survive this. 

And that’s when I heard sirens and saw red and blue lights interspersed with blinding blasts of white light. I held fast to my little friend and we rolled into the leg space behind the driver. I felt the car speed up, hit some bumps and then come to an abrupt stop.

The whole car rocked and I could sense the driver jump out of the car and kneel behind the open driver’s door.  I heard pops similar to the ones in my brother’s wartime and apocalyptic games, only here I could smell the gunpowder and feel the air shift as the gunfire multiplied.

It was during this time I felt myself leave my body. I was completely engulfed in this sense of “I'm out of here,” body and soul – well, soul anyway.  It was the most natural feeling in the world to look down at the car I was just in, seeing the driver’s door swung open. 

Oh, look, that must be the pedophile there, running away. There’s going to be some Big Foot sightings tomorrow! What a big lumbering lummox. 

You can say that again.

Wait one minute now . . . you're the kitten, the one from . . . what are you doing here?

Same as you, I had to get out of there.

Uh, interesting. And we are talking, right? I’m not imagining or dreaming?

Nope.

You understand me and I . . .

Yes, yes. And we don’t have much time before we’ll have to go back.

Back where? Down there?

Yes, now listen, Audrey . . .

You know my name?

Yes. I was in the park to meet you.

Me?

We’re part of something big, Audrey, but I don’t know enough yet to tell you anything more.  Just that we met for a reason.

What about that big oaf who brought us here? Birthday present?

Glad you have a sense of humor, human. You’re going to need it.

So, now we’re partners?

Just as you say.

Do you have a name?

Athena.

Whoa. Okay if I call you Atti?

*  *  *

“Sergeant. What do we have?”

“Kidnapping, attempted assault. The suspect’s car is over there near the shell casing markers.  The suspect’s body is several feet over that way. He was shot multiple times while attempting to flee.”

“The victim?”

“Young female, found unconscious behind the driver’s seat wrapped in a tarp and clutching a kitten that was barely alive. Both have been taken to area hospitals.”

“Prepare a press report. There’s been a rash of these abductions. Something must be causing them.”

*  *  *

Girl Celebrating Fourteenth Birthday Abducted From Local Area Park

Birthday Girl Gets Greatest Gift: Returns Home To Convalesce With New Feline Friend

Police Investigation Stalls As Kidnapped Birthday Girl Claims No Recollection

*  *  *

My first memory following my meeting Athena was like taking a ride on a turbo-train. Boom. I’m in the hospital slurping green Jello. Boom. I’m being poked, prodded and quizzed left, right, up, down and sideways. Boom. I’m reunited with Athena, complete with local news coverage blind-siding us both with flash photography and idiotic questions.  

So, how does it feel?  

How does it feel to not remember? It’s as though nothing ever happened, which I suppose would be blissful, if only.

If only.

Grateful. Gratitude, that’s it! Thank you all for your unwavering support. Now, go away!

“Audrey, you’re drifting again.”

“Oh, hey, Atti.  I was just thinking. It’s not a crime to think, is it?”

“Of course not. Just realize that, no matter how much thinking you do, there are some things you're not meant to understand and you just never will.”

“Like, take us, for example?”

“If you feel you must.”

“All right then. Take Tag.”

From the corner of the room came an indignant squawk and the sound of ruffled feathers, followed by, “Why bring me into this?”

Audrey raised her hand just as a small turquoise parrot flew across the room and gracefully landed, then quickly lifted a foot.

“Ow, you’re wearing that ring again!”

“Oops, I’m sorry, Tag. I forgot.”

“It’s all right,” Tag mumbled as he nibbled, gently inspecting his toenails.

Audrey laughed. “I can’t remember what I was talking about!”

Athena stretched her front legs forward and yawned. “Just as well. All I know is I’m ready for breakfast. When do you think you’ll summon enough courage to go downstairs and face your father’s latest paramour?”

“I think he’s looking at a ‘para’ something else.”

Tag had climbed to Audrey’s shoulder and was preening his wing feathers into proper alignment. “Need I remind you, your dad is only human?”

Audrey rolled her eyes.

“Not at all, but this midlife business is way above and beyond me . . . way, way beyond.”

“Well, then,” Athena sat up, which meant Audrey should pay close attention, “just focus on what it is we’re trying to do and leave personal weakness to others.”

“Aye, Captain. Awk! Shiver me timbers,” Tag donned a mock salute. 

Audrey giggled with Tag. Athena bristled. “You might have warned me you had one of those flying noise machines.”

“I was here first,” Tag taunted. 

“Behave, you two. Oh hey, I almost forgot.” Audrey sat up straight. “Did either of you hear thunder last night?”

*  *  *

It began as it had before, with the distant rumble of a brewing storm. Security lighting in the little shop blinked twice before it shut down completely. The display cages were suddenly encased in shadow. Various sections of the store started to stir.  

The puppies were the first to begin whining and then yipping excitedly.  Hay was tossed about by the rabbits doing their speed racing and whoop-de-loops around the display pen. The parakeets chattered nonstop, the canaries tweeted and the parrots screeched their heads off.  The kittens were curious, the fish hovered nose to glass and all the reptiles stood, blinking, at full attention.

Lightning struck near enough to rattle the foundations of the structure, shaking several pet products off the shelves and cutting short the rising cacophony of activity.  Once the storm passed and the dust settled, the lights returned and everything returned to how it had been, all except for one thing.

*   *   *  

Audrey followed the aroma of coffee downstairs to find her father’s current girlfriend, Stacey, staring into an open refrigerator. Audrey recognized the Bruce Springsteen tee-shirt she was wearing as one of her dad’s lame attempts to be “dope,” as he so badly wanted to be, or at least appear.  Audrey sighed. It didn’t help that her mom was dating a younger guy, even if it was across the country. Her dad had subsequently become much dopier than dope, in her opinion.

“Oh, hi, good morning! Andrea, right?”

Audrey smiled weakly and went directly to the coffee. The rich aroma that first drew her was the only good thing about the day so far. Stacey continued.

“I wanted to surprise your father with breakfast in bed.  I really enjoy pampering the special men in my life, and I don’t need to tell you how special your father is, do I?  I could tell instantly, I thought to myself, this guy is so special.”

Audrey gritted her teeth, filled her cup and replaced the carafe delicately, carefully, and without speaking.

One more word, you little . . .

“Oh, no! Now you’ve ruined my surprise!”

Audrey could see that her father was experimenting with hairstyles. Without very much to work with on top, he had begun growing a beard that was presently at the stubbly freeform stage. Audrey glanced away as he approached Stacey.

“My two favorite ladies.”

“I’m over here, Dad. Ugh, never mind.”

Audrey grabbed a banana off the counter, clutched her coffee and sped past.

“Audrey?”

“Yes, father?” Audrey oozed sarcasm from the staircase. 

“Watch the local news this morning.”

Audrey took a sip of the coffee and sighed, “Sure, Dad."

“Now, where were we?"

At the sound of Stacey’s jiggly giggling, Audrey raced up the stairs, balancing her coffee and locking her mind.  La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

*  *  *

When Audrey opened her bedroom door, she sat at her desk. “Atti, I didn’t fix your breakfast yet, I just had to get out of there.”

Athena lifted her chin from her front paws. “Well, you know I understand perfectly. I can wait.”

“Well, sidekicks, I was advised to watch the news. Join me?”

Tag was perusing his seed dish. “No, thanks. Your species depresses me.”

“I’ve got banana.”

“Coming.”

Audrey and Tag shared the banana while scrolling through the local news on the computer.

“Another one, Athena!  Come see!”

Athena yawned, stretched and sprung up onto the desk. 

Audrey pointed, “Read for yourself!”

“Local Pet Shop Raided. Animals disappear.”

“Is there anything about where they all went?”

Audrey scanned the screen.

“No, just that they suspect theft.”

“Good. That means their investigation won’t turn up anything more than the others.”

“Athena, what are we really doing here? Where is all this headed?”

Audrey noticed Tag and Athena exchange quick eye contact. Athena spoke first.

“That's a good question, Audrey, and I think your father should have the answer by now. His guest should be on her way and I’m at the ravenous mark on my hunger gauge. We can both satisfy ourselves by heading downstairs. Humans first.”

Tag rolled his eyes and whistled.

Athena glared and gave the bird a quick hiss-n-spit before following Audrey out of the room.

*  *  *

The kitchen was bathed in sunlight. The breakfast table was set with fresh daisies and place settings for two. A bowl of strawberries sat with a matching bowl of cream, along with a pitcher of orange juice.  Audrey inspected the table, wondering if she had a place.

“Go ahead, Audi, sit.”

Her father had changed into a suit and carried a basket of breakfast breads.

“You haven’t called me Audi in a long time.”

“I know.”

“Are those the ones I like? What’s the occasion?”

“Sit. Please.”

They both sat. Audrey reached for a croissant. She pulled it apart, sending buttery shrapnel flying.

“So, Spacey had to leave? Hope she wasn’t late for school.”

“I know what you think, Audrey, and you’re not wrong to think it.”

Audrey concentrated on picking up stray pastry pieces on the tip of her index finger.

“Do you happen to know what Stacey’s mother does for a living?”

“Not warn her daughter about potential predators?”

In the thick silence that followed, Audrey could practically see her words scrambling for a way back to her and not be left there out in the open.

“That's not fair.” Her father looked down at his empty plate. “Her mother is the custodian of records for the National Archives of Sexual Deviants and . . . Predators.”

A single tear. Audrey closed both eyes and bowed her head.

“I’m sorry.”

A hand covered hers. Audrey could feel strength in it. Her eyes opened.

“I get it, Audi. And I’m here and we are going to make a difference. You with me?”

“Always. Thanks, dad.”

*  *  *

What followed was another blur for Audrey. The day was like so many before it, except for the unwavering feeling that things were coming to a head, that change was coming. The air and Audrey’s head was abuzz with it.

And then, all hell broke loose.

The animals signaled its arrival first. Birds shreaked and filled the skies, dogs barked and filled the streets, cats hissed and scratched, fish bubbled and churned the waters.

As darkness came down like a curtain, lightning marbled the sky and flashed with electricity that spread for miles. The world was on high alert. Every human hair stood up, no human muscle moved.

Then came a single bolt, the largest and the last. For an instant, the world was a vast expanse of white light energy and, following a barely perceptible tweak in the universe, all the lights went out. Silence.

When the lights came back on again, Audrey was asleep at her desk in front of her computer. As she slowly gained consciousness, she heard familiar voices.

“We did it, Audi!”

Athena jumped onto Audrey’s lap.

“I told you we met for a reason, didn’t I? Look!”

The words displayed on the computer screen took time for Audrey to fully comprehend.

"All Caged Creatures Set Free! Animals, birds and fish previously kept confined in Shops, Zoos and Aquarium facilities replaced by violent criminals and sexual offenders from around the world. The animals have already begun enjoying their new freedom.”

Audrey sat back.

“This is unbelievable! So, that was the mission.”

Athena jumped down from Audrey’s lap. “It's a brand new day. Things are going to be much better from now on. Just look.”

Audrey got up and went to the window.

In the trees, Audrey watched as people were assembling lumber to build homes in the branches. She saw cars being driven by dogs and other animals. She even saw a squirrel carrying a miniature briefcase and wearing a little fedora.

Audrey had a final thought.

Damn! It’s a dream. 

*  *  * 

“Audrey! Wake up, honey."

Audrey awoke to her father massaging the back of her head.

“Where am I?”

“You’re home, honey. You’ve been home since the hospital gave you clearance to continue your recovery here. You were having a dream.”

Audrey glanced in the corner, grinned, and lazily raised her hand.

“Tag, you’re it!”

The little blue parrot flew to Audrey and immediately bit the ring on her finger.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot. Where’s Athena?”

Her father felt her forehead.

“And who’s Athena?”

“I remember there was . . . a kitten?”

“Oh, sure. She’s in the kitchen; I’m keeping her and Tag separated for obvious reasons.  Just when did you have a chance to name her?”

“I didn’t.”

“I see. Okay. Well, hungry?”

“Tired.”

“Sleep. I’ll put Tag back.”

Audrey closed her eyes. She knew the dream wasn’t feasible on its face but still, she wanted to be there. And, if not, her next birthday celebration would be sure to include cake and ice cream. Maybe there was more than one way to go back.