My Human

My Human

I have a good human. I like her. She is nice. She gives me scratches on the head, and long soft pets and treats and toys, she plays with me, and I bring her things.  I will bring her the best things!!  A long-lost sock, a piece of trash, a mouse carcass that I caught, a dead bug. She is usually thrilled. (Sometimes she shrieks at me when I bring her the mouse and the bug). I do not know why!!  They are the best offerings for she is a good human.

In the morning, I will wake her up. I start by jumping on her bed and putting my cold nose on her face. Sometimes she wakes, sometimes I must purr. Loudly in her ear. I nudged her face with my nose. She likes to stay in her blanket cocoon. Why I really do not know. When there is so much to do at 5 am!!  Plus, there is the first best thing of the day….my food!!  That is most important! She does not agree with me! She does not know that I really may starve if I do not get my food. No matter that my belly was packed full last night. I am starving!!!!

She is awake! She stirs. Her fur on top of her head is seriously out of control! It needs to be smoothed down and licked. I wonder if she knows how to do that? She has long fur hanging in her eyes sheesh! Why would she let it do that??  She smooths her long fur out of her eyes. She does not look very happy.  Why not? It is the best part of the day! 

She stumbles out of bed and goes to find my food. I can smell it as she opens the package. Mm…. I am getting hungry! I really hope she does not eat my food!!  Does not look like she will. She wrinkles her nose up when she smells it. Why is that??  It smells so good!!  She pours it in my bowl. I glance up at her to see if she forgot something or will give me a double portion…Hehe.  Nope. Could not hurt to hope! I dive in. It is so delicious. She fills up water in the glass pitcher and scoops up this dirt looking stuff into a cup thing. She smells it. It makes her happy. She must like the smell. Then she puts the pitcher and dirt cup in a machine, and it starts to gurgle and make noise. Then it drips brown water. So very weird. But my human looks A BIT happier. 

I continue to gobble my breakfast and notice my human is stretching. She rubs her eyes. I need to show her how to lick her paws and tame that top fur piled on top of her head. She grabs a mug thing out of the wooden door. Her awful brown water must be about done. More smiling from her. 

She shuffles across the kitchen. The air smells like awful brown water. The machine that makes it is still gurgling but now it is starting to hiss! I do not like that machine. It sounds like it is angry!! Why does it make so much noise and make my human so happy? So strange. 

Oh no! My human just left the kitchen. She is going into that room that I think is her litter box. Oh, she closed the door! I make a dash after her to save her. There is a water vacuum in this room that sounds like it could suck her into a vortex. She is in danger!!  I must get her attention. I put my paw under the door and meow at her. Surely, she hears me! Oh, please come out. Come out! Come out! Human I will save you if I could, but this door is in the way!!  MEOW!!!! MEOW!!!  I am scared that I will never see my human again! The water vacuum will not show up this time. Maybe?? It does not work any longer…. maybe…maybe…oh there it is! There is that loud water vacuum sound!!!  Is she ok? Oh no. I am scared! MEOW!!! I furiously paw under the door and then scratch it for good measure. I wait. I hear a click.  Then the door opens, and I fall into the room. I may have lost another life!? My human snickers and laughs at my fear. Why is this so funny? I was so scared the vacuum would take her away from me!!  This is no time for laughter. 

She picks me up and strokes my fur. She is trying to make it up to me. Ok. It worked. I am easy to please. I jumped down from her arms. Now it is my turn in my litter box. I will show her how it is done. No water vacuum for me! No way! I will do my business in the litter and flick my paws after in the litter and swish my tail because I have done a good thing.  

My human goes to the evil hissing machine and pours the brown liquid into a mug.  She sniffs it and smiles.  This I do not understand!  

She walks with her mug of brown liquid with a smile on her face.  She grabs her silver box toy.  I think it’s a toy because she taps on it so very much.  Most of the day she stares at this screen and taps…tap…tap on the buttons.  She must like it, she taps on it so very much.  

She has been tapping on this silver box so very long!!!  Can she not see that she needs to relax some!  She needs to stretch.  She needs to nap or something useful!  Anything beside tap tap tap on her silver box.  Ooh!  She’s getting up.  Maybe she heard my subliminal messages to her.  She walks into the kitchen.  Oh.  False alarm.  She just gets more of the brown liquid.  Gag.  Why does she do this?  She settles back down in front of her silver box and screen.   I must show her how to relax!  I will show her how to do this!    That’s what I need to do. It is perfect timing!  My friend the sunbeam is streaming through the window and settling on the carpet.  Ooh!  I love sunbeams!  It is so warm and inviting!  I stretch in the sunlight and feel the warm carpet beneath my paws.  She doesn’t know how good this feels!  I stretch out long and then I flop over and start to purr.  Can she not see me?  Can she not hear me?  She glances up at me over her silver toy box.  She smiles and yawns.  But goes back to tapping on her silver toy box. 

Ugh!! 

She needs intervention!

 She has her mug of brown liquid beside her silver box toy.  She has papers beside her square silver toy that she taps on.  She needs to unwind.  I will jump up beside her and see what the fascination is with this silver toy box.  I pounce up lightly beside her on the arm of her chair.  I look at her.  She is concentrating so hard.  What could be so interesting?  This silver toy box just has lines and pictures and charts.  It is soooo boring!

Maybe I need to help her push the buttons.  Maybe I need to show her how to play with the silver toy box.  Maybe she’s not doing it right.  This is my chance!  

I hop onto the keyboard of the silver toy box.  Things start flashing and a humming sound starts!  That’s it!  I’ve started to play like her.  She will be so happy that I’ve joined her in this game!  

But my human cries out.  “No!”  “AAAAK!”  She doesn’t look happy!  She has pulled on her fur on top of her head and it’s sticking up everywhere!  She looks scary, she looks angry! Apparently I do not know how to tap and play a game on her silver toy box.  She’s looking at me with angry eyes.  Will she hiss at me?  I don’t wait around to see.  I leap off the desk where her silver toy box was but in doing so I manage to spill her precious brown liquid out of her mug she was drinking.  It lands on her papers.  Oh no!  Now she really looks mad!  I definitely have lost another life! Oh dear.   

I know when to disappear!  I fly up the stairs and hide under the bed.  I know it’s best for now.  She needs her space from me.  I will occupy myself and give myself a bath.  I will smooth down my fur.  I should show my human how to do this.  But maybe another day.  A day when she doesn’t have those angry eyes.  

It’s been hours….I must’ve nodded off after my bath.  I go to find her.  She is cooking her meal.  She has set more food down for me.  I weave in and out between her legs while she is at the stove.  I do this to tell her I’m sorry.  I purr.  It must’ve worked. She reaches down and strokes my fur.  

She settles down to eat while I nibble on my dinner.  It smells good but I will not push my luck tonight.  I will not get on the table and beg for a portion.  I’m already down two lives.

I’m getting tired.  She is too.  She heads up to bed.  I settle down in my bed beside hers.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow I will not wake her so early.  Tomorrow I will wait until she has her mug of the brown liquid that makes her so happy before I beg for my breakfast.  Yes.  That is what I will do.  No matter if it feels like my stomach is caving into my ribs, no matter if I am starving my guts out.  No matter if I’m dying of hunger…I will wait until after she drinks her brown liquid.  It will make her happier I believe.

Or maybe I’ll replay this day as before and nudge her awake early again.  After all, I have more lives!