Scars

        …As I ran my fingers through my wet, dark hair, I saw the long-forgotten scar on my hand. The way I got it still, even today, gives me goose bumps. It was always covered by the dark gloves I wore, but it seems that I forgot to wear them after having to make the birthday cake for my dear younger sibling. Time does indeed fly really fast if you enjoy the things you have around you. The peace, the quiet. It was once too much to ask, but now, I wish I could have it all back.

“Big brother!” She used to say, with the never-ending laughter she had. Her arms were always wide open, giving me an unforgettable hug each time I saw her.

“Look at what I found!” She would say, every time she found something that took her interest.

               I tighten my hold on the sink, my vision starting to blur because of the tears that were fighting to escape the hold I had put on them.

Her black hair that came just to her shoulders always flew with the wind, revealing her pink cheeks every so often. Her eyes, a light brown, just like mine. And yet, unlike my eyes, her eyes had that brightness in them. The bright light that was always, always shining, shining with life.

               A tear ran across my cheek, and my hands suddenly started shaking, stopping every now and then.

As much as I wished for it, I could never see her face again.

This realization hit me day after day, night after night. And each passing moment felt like an eternity, one that made me feel all the emotions I had felt while with my younger sister again, and again, and again. And even now, even after all those years that has passed, I can never bring myself to realize the truth.

She would put her closed palm behind her, trying to make me guess what she had in it. I would say something simple, I would think of things she could find in this deserted place we lived close to the forest. “Is it a red flower? Or maybe a cool looking rock?” I would ask her, and each time I asked, she would start giggling and shaking her head. “Come on, you can do so much better than that! You should know that my skills on finding interesting things is the best!”

She would laugh at the stupid guesses I made, and would even call me something along the lines of ‘a total idiot’ and ‘an easily fooled, stupid person with no brain’.

The truth itself was that I was a bad brother, that I couldn’t save her from those wretched, those filthy, those things that not even words could describe.

“Fine, fine. Since you’re so bad at guessing, I guess I have no choice but to show you.”

               I look at the mirror in front of me. My eyes widen as I take in what I look like. A crying mess, that’s what it looked like. I can’t believe that’s me right now. How did all those tears manage to fall? Was I careless enough that I can no longer hold anything inside? Even though I just had a shower, my hair still looked like I just woke up. My eyes had dark bags under them, making me look like someone who hasn’t slept for a long time. It was true, I hadn’t. I had not slept, or even tried taking a nap for the past few weeks or so. Sometimes I would just wake up and see the people around me ask if I needed any assistance with anything. Of course, I refused their help. It was so obvious that the days kept getting worse, but what did I do? I did my work, I ate food every once in a while, and I even help my friends in their missions.

“Tada!” She would exclaim. She used to open her hand right in front of my eyes, and would tell me how good she is at finding things. But that time was different. It was so much different. I paled as I saw it. What she brought wasn’t a colourful flower, or a cool looking rock. It was a piece of dark green cloth.

We lived in a place far from any other town, so there wasn’t anyone who we ever saw here. Nobody came here because they didn’t like this part of the town. It was full of trees, and if someone ever tried entering the forest, it would be almost impossible for them to find their way out. I had found the small house made of wood here, in the deep end of the forest. I stayed here with my little sister, and no one ever came, so it was confirmed that it was uninhabited. We didn’t see anyone around, and made this place our home. We played games, took a walk around the house every so often. So, finding a piece of cloth so close to where we live wasn’t a good sign.

“Where did you find this?!” I yelled at her, snatching the item in her hand. I yelled at her. I don’t even raise my voice, almost never, so much that this came as a surprise for both of us.

She refused to meet my eyes after my shout. I tried calming down, taking deep breaths, doing whatever I could to try and communicate in a more proper way with her. I had to know where it was from, because if anyone was really here, it might, it could, it just could be trouble. I close my eyes, focus on being calmer, and then open them. “Can you please, please tell me where you found it? Was there anyone there who looked like a bad guy?” I ask with a sigh.

For a moment, I thought I made her cry. I knelt down on her eye level, and asked again. “Please tell me where you found this, please?” She looked at me, and then towards the part of the forest we didn’t go to. We didn’t go there for a good reason. The fact that there was a cliff there, and that it was a very dangerous place to go to was enough reason as to why we didn’t go there.

“I, I found it there. I was just really curious, that’s all.” She started twiddling with her fingers, something she did when she was nervous. “I s-saw someone a-and I just,” As she continued, she started trembling, with fear or because she was crying, I didn’t know. “I just wanted to know if you called someone, or if they came here to do something mean to you.” She finished, the last words merely a whisper.

I sigh once more, and put one hand behind her head. “It’s alright. Don’t worry. We’re safe here. And whoever you saw was probably just someone who was lost in the woods, that’s all. Remember what I always tell you?” She nods at me, a confident look on her face.

“Nothing bad will happen, as long as we have each other.” We both say it at the same time, both of us grinning at each other, and the air around us less tense.

               I punch the mirror in front of me, the glass shattering, pieces falling one after the other. The place I hit was now stained with red, and my hand was pierced with several of the small pieces.

I knew all along that all the things I said were to convince both my little sister and myself that we weren’t in any danger, but I knew from the first time she took the cloth out that we had to leave the forest.

The dark green cloth had blue and white stripes at the edges, and around the middle were small black lines. Before we left the town, I had heard about a group of people who had the same type of uniforms, and that they left all the places they had been to with the blood of the people living there. I thought that surely, they must’ve been captured, surely, they had been taken down by the people working for the security of the towns, but no. That would obviously not be the case. They were here. And we had to leave.

“What do you mean we’re leaving? Why are we leaving? Is it because I showed you what I found? I don’t want to leave!”

I had told her nicely, and even pleaded for her to understand. She never really listened to anyone, so it surprised me when she finally said “Okay, let’s go. But remember, it’ll be my birthday soon, so you got to make me a cake, got it?” She muttered that she wanted it to be with lots of strawberry, chocolate, and cherries. I could only smile and promise I would.

               I tried opening and closing the fist I had made, blood around my knuckles. I clenched my teeth as I did, the sting of pain going through my hand growing.

We ran. We didn’t have anything important that we would need. I took a bag, inside it a few snacks we could have if we needed any, some water, and a blanket big enough for the two of us. Everything looked good, until we saw two of the people from that group.

We locked eyes with them, and that’s when things started going downhill.

They had started shouting, things I couldn’t comprehend or try to understand while I took the hand of my sister and ran to the opposite direction. We were already so far from the house that there wasn’t any way we could go back there now.

We got surrounded. The two men had called more people and there were at least ten of them while I was standing in front of my sister, trying my very best to protect her. It wasn’t everyday you got your life threatened by a group of people that took lives of the people they saw.

They attacked, and I tried attacking while defending my little sister. I told her to stay back, and to not try to come near any of them, but did she listen? I might as well have been talking to a wall, she ran straight into one of the men and started kicking and punching him. Well, at least I had shown her how to fight a little bit.

               A small smile came to my face as I remembered the days where I showed her how to kick someone, how to punch someone so you can hurt them, but not break anything, how to make someone pass out. She sure learned fast. It was nice, seeing her defend herself. When she was still here, it was good to know that she knew how to protect herself.

It wasn’t enough. We weren’t a match for them. I had taken a few of them down, but I lost my energy and my strength while doing so. I had bruises and scratches, and my sister had fell multiple times, leaving her clothes dirty and covered in mud. My clothes probably were like that too.

I was held down by three of the men left, their leader had a hold on my sister. He had taken his knife, brought it closer to her, closer to her neck. I could only watch as the three were holding me, one of them pushing my head on the ground while the other two holding me from the sides. With one eye managing to stay open I looked at her. No. No. I couldn’t watch. No!

I was finally able to escape from one of the men on my side, and after freeing my arm I punched the one next to me, and since I had already kicked the one holding my head down in the beginning, I was free. I ran towards the leader and punched him as hard as I could. But he wasn’t going down so easily. He also had the advantage, he had a weapon, a sharp knife.

               I looked at my right hand, once again seeing the scar on it. I always wished I was stronger, that I was better at fighting, whatever that could’ve helped me stop them that night. I didn’t have any family left, my sister being the only one I had been left with. My parents had died in an accident, and there wasn’t anyone else, so, in order to protect my sister from the evil of this dark world, I brought us here, to this forest. I didn’t know that us going there would cause any harm.

I gasped in pain as the leader smirked, his knife pressed on my hand, going so deep it sliced right through it. I kicked him and took the knife out, but I never thought about the others. That was the mistake I did. I didn’t think about the other people. They got me. Held me down. My energy drained, I could barely stand by myself. At this point, I gave up all hope. Without the men holding me, I would’ve fallen on the ground, but either way, I was finished. The leader grabbed me by my hair and held my head higher, making me look at him.

“I want you to see this.” And then, slash. Blood everywhere. My sister. My little sister, gone. The knife going right through her chest. And after they beat me up enough, probably thinking I’m dead, they left. They left me, with my sister dying.

I slowly stood up, as much as I could, and limped over to where she was. I felt more pain inside my heart than the one I had felt physically.

I put her head on my lap, my hands trembling as they held her.

               I started crying more. Letting everything I had kept all these years out. I sat down, not being able to stand anymore since my legs became wobbly. I put my hands in my hair, and started thinking what I could’ve done. Maybe if, that day, maybe if I had asked for help, or pressed more on the wound to stop the blood from flowing, maybe then, maybe then she could’ve been here with me.

It was true, I couldn’t save her, even when I was so close to her, so close that I was able to feel the warmth of her body, and how after each passing minute, the warmth started to fade. It faded away. She was gone. Her beautiful eyes closed for all eternity, never to open again. Her hair got more and more wet because of the rain that poured down on us. Her fingers that failed to reach me when she tried, the small smile she had on her pale face directed to me, her mouth slightly open, whispering words I could never forget.

“It’s okay, big brother. Don’t cry.” She had tried once more, and succeeded in bringing her hands to my face. She then wiped the tears that went on endlessly. “Sorry I w-won’t be able t-to bring stuff I find to y-you anymore. I’ll miss you.”

And, as she lowered her hands, her eyes became empty, colourless, the light once in them, gone. “No. No. No! Please, please, stay, don’t leave, please!”

               I don’t know which one is worse. The scars you can see that bring back memories, or the scars that you don’t see, but remain forever. But there is one thing that I do know. I know that the physical one, and the one that scars on your heart, they both hurt. I look up, close my eyes, and try smiling. “Happy birthday, little sister.”