Halleluiah

Halleluiah!

The post I received said we are to write about something we don’t understand…or believe we don’t, or simply prefer not to. You can’t get more inclusive than that.

Sitting here in this coffee shop surrounded by people who, if asked would tell you that there are endless things they do not understand. Gravity, orbits, string theories, politics, government, religion, the color pink; endless possibilities to prove to ourselves that we not only don’t know everything, but are better off because of it. A friend told me, and I quote, “Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before.” I didn’t have a choice but to believe him. Few insights are reliable, but this one… there are few times in your life when the obvious and truth find themselves sharing the same niche.

Often when caught off guard we resort to the doubts that have plagued us our entire lives, and we don’t know why. I personally believe it is a means of self-protection that rewards us for not only the sincerity of our beliefs, but our gullibility. Being unaware, although condemned by those who suffer from superiority complexes they can’t explain, infers that we choose to accept what we hear, see, and touch; the reality that keep us from appearing disconnected, unattached, or even non-caring. I believe we are attempting to prevent ourselves from going down the rabbit hole of arrogance that seems to be going around like the measles. What I don’t understand is how we believe ourselves protected by ignorance, when ignorance is the whole in our umbrella, metaphorically speaking of course.

The guy across from me just spilled his coffee while attempting to get a better view of the street, or perhaps the woman walking past the window. I don’t know if he recognized her or wished that he did, but it ordains a precedent. We find endless ways to protect ourselves from the intrusions placed upon us by other human beings or their companions. I’m sure the phrase, “Oh, he won’t bite” as he sinks his teeth into your ankle while his companion looks on in feigned astonishment. “That’s never happened before,” he relates while eyeing you for outward signs of retaliation. Not against the companion, but the one who should be holding the leash. But then, there I’m off on a totally unrelated topic, that although it has everything to do with me not understanding, does tend to cripple anyone wanting to understand why I don’t understand.

That guy at the table, he’s looking at me or maybe someone behind me. Nevertheless it is disturbing. Being looked at causes you to wonder if you forgot to do something that you should have done, unless you are trying to be non-conventional; I wasn’t.

When trying to develop an idea that matches the premise it is important to be as truthful as you can be, if you are concerned with how your revelations will be considered. Most people, when writing on a particular subject, tend to believe everything they put on paper or in a digital format, will be read by someone interested in the topic. I have found that not to be the case. I believe there are people who read things just so they don’t have to think about life and its peculiarities. We all are burdened by the things that should fit but don’t. Expectations are a kin to what we presume we deserve given our pertinent for modifying our beliefs based on assumptions we know to be infallible because they are our assumptions. There’s that arrogant thing about which I was talking.

Arrogance has its place, if only you could keep it there. Most parents would agree that being challenged by one of your children is a form of arrogance. When it first occurs, parents are not ready for the rebellion staged in their honor. They believe that respect is mandatory, not to be discarded like a loophole in the psyche of a developing mind.

Respect, although it is considered an accolade that need be earned, is considered obligatory by those who feel their sovereignty as a parent is being jeopardized by an ungrateful recipient of their devotion. It is a position related to having the temerity to believe there is only so much parental wisdom available, and you have convinced yourself you have the majority share.

Maybe it isn’t so much arrogance as ignorance; the very thing we have been trying to camouflage, because although most people have a disdain for ignorance, they also realize in many cases it lets them off the proverbial hook. When you admit to being ignorant in some cases it provides the opportunity of surprise; not only whomever you are attempting to deceive, but yourself as well. The trick I believe is to not allow yourself to fall prey to the arrogance that makes ignorance so rewarding. You can overdo it. Once labeled a phony it is hard to erase that image in people’s minds, regardless of whether they are arrogant, ignorant, or just don’t care about anything that isn’t focused on them.

That brings me the next point I hope to make if that guy across from me ever stops staring in my direction. I don’t understand how someone can come to a perfectly respectable coffee shop and spend their time not reading the paper, watching the soundless TV, or striking up a perfectly good conversation with a stranger, but attempting to intimidate people by making them feel self-conscious.

Now, I know I’ve got nothing to feel self-conscious about; I checked myself out in the mirror behind the counter. My zipper is doing its job, my coat is not frayed or stained, and although I look like I’m angry all the time, it’s just a facial configuration no doubt, brought on by aging that I’ve learned to live with. But there are others, take the woman with the fox head cape just behind the staring guy. I can tell by her dress, her call for attention, that one bad word would set her off, and then as is too often said, “Katy bar the door.”

Pleading ignorance is not shameful if done correctly. It is assumed no one can know everything, nor should they. When there is no place to go but up, your chance of failure at some point is assured. However, if you start at the bottom, there is no certainty of success, but less chance of failure. No, ignorance can be an ally if used when necessary. Now, that statement opens up a can of whatever, but the point is not to get in over your head, where the likely hood of turning up floating face down in someone else’s punch bowl becomes predictable.

I am tempted to say something to the staring guy. If only I hadn’t been brought up to be civil in all situations, I would.

I know I’ve been distracting myself so I don’t have to continue attempting to write something noteworthy about not understanding, but… coffee shops can do that to you. He appears to be looking over the rim of his glasses, and I’m sure it is at me.

Take commas, periods, quotation marks, semi colons, exclamation points…you get the idea. There are times when their use is appropriate, and times when they are not. The problem is realizing that you don’t always understand when those times are. I’ve found punctuation to be a subjective endeavor that is best left to arrogant editors. I should clarify, some editors, and which type. There are so many and each has its own specialty that adds to the confusion, and thankfully so. The confusion excuse also lets you off the hook.

Content editors, proofing editors, literary agents, copy editors; the list goes on. Specialists have become the trend in achieving upward mobility. The more specialized, the quicker you achieve acclaim and monetary compensation based on nothing more than being the only game in town, as far as the one who doesn’t understand is concerned.

I have decided to abandon my principles and speak to the staring man. I feel like I’m developing an itch from having his eyes crawl over me. This type of behavior should not be tolerated. It allows for the perpetrator to gain a sense of entitlement that he or she will undoubtedly use on others in situations similar to my own. If they are not confronted the behavior will surely continue, if not escalate. Here goes!

*

The nicest fellow it turns out. The sunglasses on a rainy day, not to mention the fact we are indoors with an atmospheric clarity level resembling twilight, should have prepared me for the fact that him having a white cane, besides having difficulty finding his coffee mug, that he was vision impaired. Turns out he was injured on January 6th.

“Spent too much time glued to the screen. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.” And that was all he had to say, period. He dozed off during my brief but to the point question, about me not having understood why there were dozens of police officers, hundreds of rioters, and not one shot fired. I had just finished reading a story about a kid shot by police in his backyard holding a cell phone. A threat to the officers life? I’ve had more serious engagements with telemarketers. You can understand my not being able to understand.

I didn’t mention there is a deadline for submissions. Deadlines are normally not arbitrary, unless that is, no one is submitting. I don’t believe that to be the case in this matter, although deadlines do add to the pressure, even if self-imposed, even though entries are not mandatory. Why submit? I believe it goes back to the idea that hiding in plain sight gives you a sense of accomplishment, deserved or not. I don’t feel it is arrogance rearing its ugly head, or the subservience we are all born with, but a quest to answer the unanswerable question. I do not understand the question or the assumed answer, but feel a compunction to try, as I assume all writers do.

Writing, no matter the question or its answer, is a test of your ability to outsmart yourself. You need answers or you wouldn’t be asking questions which are the fundamental essentials of any endeavor, but especially writing. It requires clarity, planning, forethought, and an ability to deny denial. You have to abandon the notion of failure and entertain the notion of success whether you believe it or not. Writing is essentially a con game you play with yourself, knowing, that you cannot win if you do not play, no matter how you interpret the rules.

It has become apparent to me that delusion is essential if one is to be successful in deceiving others, as well as yourself, into believing what you have to say has merit. It is the key ingredient in forcing yourself to abandon all timidity or self-esteem issues in favor of achieving immortality, even if it is for your own sake alone.

That brings me to my final point, now that the staring man has explained himself; of course it could all be a ruse on his part. A clever though devious way of observing life while pretending to be indifferent to the world that surrounds him. Understanding: Interpretation, insight, comprehension, all considered synonyms for the word, although they imply various means of subjective awkwardness. Insight is not always followed by comprehension. Just because you see something does not mean you know what it is you are seeing. Interpretation, however, allows you to adlib responses based on your insight and how much of what you believe you understood, you actually did understand. So, we are now in a quagmire of our own making. When left to the intricacies of understanding, or not understanding as the case may be, it is best to wear sunglasses on a rainy day, find a coffee shop that caters to the visually impaired, and pretend for the sake of understanding, you are a writer, even if only in your own mind.