What makes a person happy?

I’ve always had the habit of trying to figure out if people are happy. Not through conversations, but purely by examining a person’s mannerisms or hints of expression. Sometimes it can just be from looking at someone’s face, scanning each detail and wrinkle for a twitch of truth. Or tuning into a sigh and waiting for a little whisper of help to seep through. Its not usually someone close to me either. I’ve crossed paths with people on a street, or served a customer at some meaningless retail job, and tried figuring out what or whose fingers are pulling on the skin beneath their eyes. I suppose that sometimes it’s their own fingers. Or a family member or friend. Perhaps, a job. Or a nemesis who works at said job. Most of the time I see unhappiness and dissatisfaction. But this habit has raised curiosity within me, curiosity that stands on the opposite side of the street. What makes a person happy?

The general answer to that question is an individual journey. The pug that’s currently sat awkwardly across the café from me, leaning on one side of its bum and spraying splats of saliva on the floor in an attempt to get a single full breath, appears to make its owner happy. I’ve gathered this from the loving fingernails, well- acrylics, that have scratched its head every few minutes for the past half an hour I’ve been here. That dog sure as hell wouldn’t make me happy (I’m more of a border collie type of guy myself). Sometimes happiness can be obvious. But it can also be hidden, overcast by a shadow. You just have to run towards the light outlining and surrounding that shadow, and try your best to stay in that light for as long as you can whilst it shifts and moves around you.

For me personally, my source of happiness is Effy, Elizabeth, Liz, the love of my life, or whatever I choose to call her each day. But a name doesn’t really mean much. The name ‘Effy’ does not portray the purity that lies within each cell of her body. You’ll only notice this when you really know her. Of course, from an outside perspective her beauty is not difficult to miss. It flows between each strand of auburn hair that brushes the skin just below her ribs. The skin it brushes is a perfect pale, so soft and smelling of sweet fruit. I won’t be a typical admirer and focus too much on her eyes, but they are a wonderful hazel colour with hints of green that catch in the sun, if you wanted to know.  The purity I mentioned is noticeable within her actions and the way she speaks. She is the type of person who will always stop to stroke a dog or pick a worm off the concrete to save it from resembling a twiglet in the sun. In conversations, she listens deeply with nothing but kindness in her eyes. She will always make time for the people who need it. And this thought, as I’m sat here with an empty coffee cup and pins and needles in my feet, has, quite bluntly, ruined my day.

Upon reconsideration of that last sentence, I correct myself - It’s ruined two days. As I had a day off from work, my schedule for today was to: wake up, go to the gym, have a shower and shave and generally clean up a bit, go for a drink and maybe a little walk along the canal. This was all before going out for dinner with Effy and having a night in with her involving snacks and a movie. A nice day, right? I made it as far as going for a coffee, but this café is where I got stuck. For the while I’ve been sat here, I’ve watched couples come in and couples leave. I’ve seen them walk past the window, arm in arm, practically glowing with lust. Some of them have children with them, and I guess a lot of the elderly couples have children too. They’re everywhere! As I said before, I usually see sadness within people. But today I noticed that people are a lot happier when they are with someone. If two people share even one small bit of happiness, it becomes twice as large.

Now, the second day I had planned was for some point in the future. Proposing to someone is a pivotal point in life. Marriage is more official, but getting engaged is proof that you are one hundred percent dedicated to one particular person. It is an offer to spend the rest of your time together, and battle through any war life has to offer, as a team.  I didn’t quite have each detail of that moment planned out yet, but I knew it would involve some big surprise, maybe somewhere abroad on a sandy beach when the sun is setting. A movie style engagement I suppose. I’ve always planned out big moments like these as I get hung up on perfectionism - the perfect time, the perfect way, the perfect moment. That way, I feel that I can avoid disappointment for myself and anyone involved. But in this moment, I could almost feel the neurons firing up in my brain as I studied the little box on the table in front of me. And I realised that there is no point in waiting. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, so if there is something you want to do you have to just do it.

With the electricity making its way through my body, I grabbed my jacket off the back of the seat and flung it over my arm, just like I had flung my plans out the window. I chose to ignore how that wooden piece had completely numbed my bum, but I made a mental note to sit on my coat next time. I thanked the barista on my way out but stopped once I’d pushed the door halfway open. In my hurry, I had left the box on the table. I jogged back over to where I had been sat , plucked the box off the table and jogged back out, flashing the barista an awkward smile as I finally made it out the door (she seemed a little confused but too bored to question anything). Using this moment of freedom, fuelled by spontaneity, I started running. Effy would have made her way back to our apartment by now after finishing work, so that’s where I headed. My legs had never felt so light. I felt like a kid on sports day, desperately trying to make their parents proud by sprinting as fast as possible round the track. Of course, there were a few obstacles: people, rocks, holes in the pavement, even a tree at one point but that was more because of my lack of concentration as opposed to the tree being in my way. When I got to the apartment door, after burning my muscles by taking the stairs, I fumbled with the keys. The adrenaline had disabled my fingers, but after a couple of minutes I was in.

“Effy?” I shouted, my voice bouncing off the walls in the hallway.

“Sweetheart?” she questioned back, her voice echoing between the bathroom tiles.

I made my way to the bathroom and knocked on the door, but I didn’t wait for a reply. She stood up in the bath as she saw me, the water swaying in sync with the waves of energy pulsing through me. She looked ethereal, with droplets running down her slim body.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” I could hear the worry in her tone.

“All is okay,” I reassured, “actually, all is wonderful. I just realised I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“What do you mean? You’re sweating, have you been running?”

I chuckled.

 “Yes, I ran here. I was sat in the café and I realised I couldn’t wait any longer so I ran here. I have kept waiting for the perfect moment, trying to plan everything out so that it would be perfect for you. Because you deserve a perfect moment. But sometimes you have to just get up and stop waiting. I have known for so long that you are what I want. You are my perfect. Every time I picture how I see my future, like finally buying a house or starting a family, or even going to my parents’ funerals, I picture you there next to me. I don’t want to go through any of those things unless we are doing it together.”

“Oh”. Her face lightened and relaxed and I saw a little smile turn up the corners of her mouth.

“I’ve never been happier than when I am with you.” I fiddled with the box that was hidden behind my clammy palm. “I adore you, and I want nothing more than to make you as happy as you make me.”

I took a step forward and gave her a kiss on her soggy forehead. As I stepped back, I dropped my right leg and went down softly on to one knee. All you could hear now was the faint sound of water dripping. I pulled out the box from behind my back and… well, you know the rest.