Dear Diary

March 25^th, 2022

Dear Diary,

           So much has happened to me late in 2021, and even now in 2022. So much has been gained for me and lost. But I’m stuck in Medina, Ohio where all of my pain begun. Only for the first time do I feel at home here because I am one step closer to having my husband here with me.

I’ve been struggling so much lately, my husband as well. They say spring is the beginning of growth as we get to the summer a beginning of a new chapter awaits anyone I believe.

           I look back on everything I’ve been through the whole idea of leaving this state only to realize my husband and I are supposed too here. Fate is a strange thing, my pain and sorrow of this place changed when my husband told me that home isn’t a place it’s a person. Family isn’t always blood, he is right.

           The day I lost my Mommow I had no blood relatives left. But my friends they are my family.

           The only thing keeping me busy until my husband and I are reunited is working a lot. I work at a hotel called Red Roof Inn in Laundry, and I work on my laptop after work on my main base of income I work nine other jobs, just really overall enjoying myself. The old man (aka my grandfather) took this away from me and I never got to really enjoy working. He never believed in me, he never believed in my writing. I think that was the hardest for me.

           But I have never felt this kind of freedom, I want to go back to school to take graphic arts I told my husband about it and he said some day boo you will. I hope in a way he surprises me for paying for the two years of classes.

           I want to take graphic arts because I want to be able to design my own book covers, I don’t know how to do that so I want to take a two-year course at the vocational school. They have adult classes; I just really want to expand on my creativity.

           I’m always so busy, it helps with not feeling so lonely.

           Spring is all about growth, and I work so much better with my husband. We work better together, so not having my other half right now it makes me feel really lost. I don’t know how I feel right now other then I feel as though there is another part of me missing.

           Diary, what do I do I don’t have a car yet? I hope to God that I can buy another car. My friend at work said if I save up, 1500.00 he will set me up with a descent car.

           My boss has been helping me, D is a great woman but I’m not used to this kind of kindness especially in the state, I always felt like wasn’t my home. Guess my boss isn’t truly a US citizen she is a Green Card Holder and naturalization citizen. So, it always seems like I get along with people that aren’t from here.

It feels good to be around people that don’t know me. Just didn’t think that Ohio would be the place I would be starting all over again at.

As I write, I am multi-tasking between a manuscript, writing this for the Reedsy Prompt Contest, and watching Star Wars the Empire Strikes Back on TNT. It just never ends in a good way, remember when I thought why can’t my life be more exciting instead of boring. It used to be just that me existing not living my life to the fullest.

Now it’s a completely different story, my life is always busy, when I’m at home after work I am multi-tasking until almost one o’ clock in the morning.

Seems to be never ending my only form of staying awake on those hard nights of feeling the need to doze off is coffee lots and lots of coffee. And I think I’m becoming immune to caffeine. I’m thinking I’m 70% of caffeine, and like 20% water.

My sister Mary got me turned on to V8 plus energy blueberry pomegranate favored. I haven’t had one in a long time. So, I need that spring in my step sometimes well a lot time. I just can’t afford it right now.

It’s weird I’m starting all over again, and my husband will be starting all over again with me. And all the while I can’t stop thinking about him. The more I think about him, the idea of being together and enjoying a home we build together it will feel great.

           I never got a chance to really enjoy our second home we built together at home in Saint Lucia. So, when we are together hopefully, we can stay somewhere permanent and build a life together.

           There is so many things, I look forward to. My husband is giving up a lot and so have I but then again that’s what makes a marriage we always meet each other half way, and talk things out.

           How rare is it that a married couple especially newly weds can talk things out? I don’t know but even longer married couples aren’t even this lucky like I am.

           Guess I am lucky because I married my best friend, I have been together with my husband before we got married five years. It feels so weird for me, I never felt this kind of passion for anyone before. I am very fortunate to say the least, he is encouraging me to be the best writer I can be, encourages me to go back to school when I thought it was to late for me.

           I always thought I would never know this freedom; I’ve been abused all of my life. Until now this kind of abuse was from people, I thought I trust. I was wrong on trusting them. I learned from that the hard way. 

The best part is the wedding for us, was everything I thought it would. Only better. I got married September 21, 2021, and I wouldn't have it another way.