He Said, She Said...

Week 10

1. Write a conversation that takes place between two people who refuse to say what they mean.

He Said, She Said

They say men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, but in this marriage, there was something even more far out about the language between Casey and Leanne. She considered herself articulate; on the part of the chart as an expressive, always willing to explain and narrate with purpose her decisions. He was more educated, and considered himself to be an expressive but really wasn’t. He asked a league of inane questions over and over that were it seems to be for problem solving, but were really more a diversion tactic to be in charge of the conversations. Much was said, but little was understood between these two. In the beginning, they said what they meant, but towards the end they refused to say what they meant because of the negative reaction they got…

Animals can understand a certain amount of words that humans say. I swear, my cat understands about 200, which is about what a human toddler can comprehend. But try having a conversation with a dog...man’s best friend. It can go like this;

“Fido, I am going to take a nap, then we can go to the store and I will get my prescriptions, then I need to chat with Betty about the latest gossip, then when we are done we can go to to park and play catch with a ball. But when I come back I need you to be quiet because I have to finish this report for my boss by 8:00 pm or he is going to go ballistic”.

You know what your dog got from that conversation? “Go...park...ball”. Surely, his tale will be wagging as he is grabbing his leash when you want to nap! Bless him...he tries. Just like men. I swear, women are more like cats; capricious, understanding and independent, and men are like dogs; loyal, want action NOW and not very good at following a conversation. It may be something in the extra X chromosome, or the fact women’s brains are wired different and can multitask so they can keep their young alive whilst cooking a Mastodon and being chased by a T-Rex. We have evolved in many ways, but understanding each other...not so much. 

Casey and Leanne were no exception. In fact, they were worse case scenario; like an Abbot and Costello routine of Who’s On First, What’s On Second [I never personally understood that routine]. Sure, they are both bright, educated, from a similar upbringing in the same part of the world, but worlds apart. Here is how a typical evening would go;

Leanne, “I had the worse day! I got stuck on the bus in traffic, had to get off and transfer. It was so hot out! I had to grab a cab, and was late to my appointment. I didn’t have any cash on me so the cab driver insisted on taking me to an ATM because he wanted cash only, since he was betting on the races. How was that my problem? Anyway, I was late for my interview, my necklace broke getting in and out of the car, and the receptionist was so rude to me when I got there. I explained the traffic, but the business owner made sure I waited an equal amount of time, and scolded me about punctuality. I left hours early and explained...what else could I do?”

Casey, “So did you get out of the house and go anywhere today?”

*Warning Alert! Men, if your woman is telling you about her day, and you have not even picked up that she has one, the following is likely to happen. 

Leanne, “WHAT?! You didn’t hear a thing I said! I just said all this stuff about being late for my appointment, and asked you what else I could have done?!”

*Warning Alert! Women, when men hear a shrill reply...even if they have caused it, then will do this two-prong approach; one is to fix the problem, the other is to get belligerent and talk louder so you get quiet. They react because their mother’s had shrill responses to things like snakes and snails left in pockets of laundry, so they get on the defensive. So, after Leanne’s outburst, Casey says this;

Casey, “Oh, you are tense because you haven’t been anywhere all day. I need to go to the gas station. You want to go for a bye-ride?”

**Big Warning! Men, do NOT treat women like dogs! We are cats; cunning and aloof. Going to a park to play ball is not the answer, and we don’t stick our heads out of car windows in glee and that is enough to make life fulfilling! NEVER do this...jewelry would be the next line of defense if you mistake us for a canine...and that, my friend, ain’t cheap. 

So far, I have made this humurous...it could even be a guide for anyone going through puberty on how to deal with the oppostite sex. A laugh track could come on if it was a case of Ross and Rachel and, “We were on a break!” type wisdom. But no, this relationship gets abusive. Sorry, but the only way to see the downfall of two people that want to talk to each other into two people that do not is a catalyst, and this one isn’t pretty. 

Years of this insane conversation pattern continues. Leanne is so fed up, she stops talking at all. She tried and tried; the words from her conversations still hanging warm in the air with her breath. Casey becomes more abusive; when she tries to explain what just happened, even though she had JUST said it, he said it never happened. The movie Gaslight is recommended to Leanne...she even has Casey watch it, and he can get abuse from others. He cries during movies or news when men are mean to women, but he decides that being mean is the one way he can control Leanne. They could be laughing, having a glass of wine on the deck, listening to music, and then he turns on her. One day, rather than apologizing, Leanne repeats what he just said to her, and he films her anguish. In tears, she says what he had just done, and he puts in on YouTube, hoping to gain sympathy. Her sobbing face and anguish, while he says in mock baby language, “I’m not doing that, you are! Look at you, just look at you, you are disgusting. You said that, not me!”

This is obviously the beginning of the end. Casey actually loves Leanne; or in his own way of what ‘love’ is, and decides rather than say what he means, he becomes more controlling, more abusive, says more disgusting things to her, thinking she will run up to him and surrender her love. Meantime, Leanne is getting therapy. Her self-esteem is so broken, her worthiness and compass to center is so off, she doesn't know what is up. So, she starts hiding what she is doing. She plans to escape, but everyone knows an abuser gets worse just before you leave them. So, she acts more loving, endures the insane conversations...and starts to pack. She devises a plan to escape; leave the country, leave the area, leave this insanity behind. She takes him to open houses, makes plans that makes it seem she is staying. She says very little. Rather than having her compliance as a reward, Casey starts questioning more; she won’t answer, and when she does, she makes up a pat story. She does eventually sit down Casey, and talks frankly that he get help or she leaves. Feeling he has the upper hand, he tells her to go, even though that is the last thing he wants. 

Moral of the story people is this; say what you mean, mean what you say, and for God’s sake...listen and be kind. This story may be extreme...but it happened.