The Skater

  Alice looked out the front bay window at the snowflakes coming down from the overcast skies. She was huddled in the window’s nook with a mug of hot cocoa, the steam fogging up her glasses as she placed it closer to her lips. Her eyes looked longingly at the frozen lake across her home. As was usual during the later afternoon it was filled with skaters. There was a potpourri of people gliding along--- families struggling to keep the young ones afloat, couples with arms linked sauntering on the ice and agile teens zipping around with their friends. Alice let out a deep mournful sigh and put her still full cup down onto the ledge. She got up to the table to get back to her middle school homework. 

She hadn’t realized her Dad watching her from the outside as he was walking the dog down the street. He saw the pain and yearning in her young eyes and it in turn caused him immeasurable pain. He knew he had to talk to her, but he wasn’t a man who was use to initiating deep conversations. He usually left that for his wife—she was better at it anyways. But he knew Alice needed to hear what he had to say. 

Opening the front door Alice’s Dad stomped off the snow from his heavy boots and let out a jovial greeting, 

“Buddy and I are back! A whole ten minutes! Miss us?”

Alice picked her head up from her textbook and gave a wan smile towards the entrance from her seat at the dining table. 

 “Mom should be back pretty soon from work. I’d better get started on dinner prep. Care to help me out, Alice? Every chef could use a sous chef. Especially this one.” Her Dad’s cheery tone rubbed a bit off on her as this time she gave a genuine smile and closed her book. 

“Of course, Dad. Just put me to work. “

“That’s my gal.”

Dad put his arm around Alice as they walked into the expansive kitchen. 

Alice placed the cutting board and knife onto the marble island and pulled up a bar stool to sit herself down in as she got busy chopping and dicing the assortment of vegetables her father passed her. Dad puttered around the kitchen, opening and closing the cupboards and the stainless steel fridge to take out ingredients. He moved gingerly around the kitchen, spicing up the poultry, seasoning the soup and checking on the assortment of foods in the oven. Though Alice knew her father was the head chef of her paternal grandparents upscale restaurant Cibo Delizioso she never ceased to be amazed by watching him work in the kitchen. She knew it ran in their blood. Dad was practically raised in a restaurant. Her paternal grandparents were hardworking immigrants from Italy and they had opened up their storefront basically once they set foot on American soil. Business boomed after a few years of struggling and of course as each of their children grew older they were taken into the family business. 

The clattering of pots and pans being piled into the sink signaled the end of the culinary escapade. Dad handed Alice a scrubber, “Well, you’ve now been promoted to dishwasher, my lovely lady.”

Alice giggled, “Dad, isn’t that a demotion? Were my carrots not finely diced enough?” 

Dad winked as he playfully swatted her with a dishtowel. “Exactly, they were too fine! Too perfect! Your dicing put my own to shame!” 

They enjoyed some warm camaraderie as they quietly cleaned up. 

Dad broke the silence, “I’m planning on going skating tomorrow morning, want to come for a spin?” 

Alice rubbed the last pot even more vigorously as she resolutely shook her head, “No, thanks.” 

Dad had expected that answer.  It was the same response he was given for the past month. He would give it another chance and asked again, “You sure, hon? I mean it’s been a while since your skates have seen daylight. I’m sure that—“ 

“NO! I’M NEVER SKATING AGAIN!” She screamed as she let the clean pot fall into the sink.  

Alice turned towards him, her eyes brimming with tears.  Dad reached out to give her a hug, but she backed away shouting,

“You just don’t get it! I’m beyond embarrassed! I’m never skating again!” 

She darted out of the kitchen sobbing, at the same time as her Mother walked in. 

“Alice…what happened?” Mom looked alarmed, but Alice ran past her up to her room with a loud slam of the door. 

Mom looked at Dad for some explanation. Dad held his hands loosely by his side as he sank down into the bar stool, “She needs to get back on the ice. She’s wasting her talent.” 

Mom nodded her head in agreement, “I know. But, maybe she needs more time?”

Alice emerged from her room some time after for supper, mostly due to some words of cajoling from her Mother. Though dinner was delicious Alice hardly tasted it. She toyed the food around her plate with her fork until dinner was finished. Once again she sat down by the bay window looking out into the cold dark street and lit up pond. Dad sat down next to her. 

“Alice, we need to talk.”

She kept staring out the window, but he saw the trembling of her chin. Dad tried to proceed gently, “it must be hard. I know it felt like the world ended when you didn’t win the school’s skating competition. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t feel that you’re up to doing. Obviously, it’s your choice whether you skate or not.  But, Alice, it would be such a shame. You’re so talented, hon.” 

Alice turned to her father and let the tears loose as she whispered, “It’s not that I didn’t win. That’s like whatever. I fell down right at the beginning of my routine. I looked like an idiot. I’m dying just thinking about it.” She buried her head sobbing into Dad’s broad shoulders as he embraced her in a tight hug. 

“Darling that has happened to the best of skaters I’m sure. Just because you made a mistake or even failed doesn’t mean you aren’t amazing at what you do. I don’t want you to give up on your passion just because of one embarrassing scenario.” Dad took a deep breath and continued, 

“I know what it’s like to stop something worth pursuing. I know that deep pain when you stop doing what makes you feel most alive and creative.” 

Alice looked up as she sniffled, “You do?”

Dad nodded and held her tighter, “Yes, I do. Who taught you how to skate, my girl? Me, that’s who. I love to skate and always have. I was on the hockey team in school since I was old enough to join and if I can toot my own horn, I was the best the team had. I even dreamed of one day becoming a serious NHL player. Once in my senior year before practice my buddy tipped me off that there would be a scout from a major league checking us out. Well, long story short the scout liked what he saw in me and I was on top of the moon. But Grandpa wouldn’t hear of it. He wanted me to stay in the family business and you know how Grandpa can be…” Dad trailed off. 

Alice looked at her Dad. She knew what Grandpa was like; if he felt strongly about something that was the end of the matter. 

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bitter about it, Alice. I enjoy my work and I still get to go on the ice whenever I can. It’s not that I don’t understand Grandpa. He wants only the best for us. He felt that he could give me more stability in life than a career on ice ever would.”

Dad chocked up at the end and Alice felt his chest rise and fall as he held himself together, “who knows? Maybe he was right. But Alice, you should know there’s some nights when I lay in bed wondering what if…What if I had stayed on the ice longer to make something of myself?”

Dad loosened his hold on her, as he looked deep into her eyes, 

“Alice, I don’t want you to have those questions. I want you to find out the answers.”  

         The wind softly blew in her ears as the cold deliciously embraced her. She sucked in a mouthful of crisp fresh air.  The sun warmed her face as she looked up at the clear blue skies. 

“It’s pretty cold. Did you get frozen in place?” Dad joked from afar on the pond. 

Alice smiled and gave one last pull to the strings on her skates before stepping onto the icy surface. She was back where she belonged.