SURVIVING THE GOODBYE

It was our weekend visit with Mom. Usually we would pack as soon as we got home from school, but this time was different. We started packing the previous night, everything that we wanted to take with, not just clothes for a visit. We were going about it very silently so that we wouldn’t disturb my dad or his fiancée. They weren’t supposed to know that this was the last time we would be packing our stuff in their house. The following morning, very early, my little brother, Joe, would sneak our bags out into the garden, hiding it from sight, while I kept watch.

We had already spoken to Mom during the week, telling her of our desire to move back in with her. She was ecstatic and agreed on the spot. There was just one thing troubling her – how my dad would react to the news. Believing that he would get violent again, Joe and I agreed not to tell him about our plans. So, as usual my Mom came to fetch us after work. As she pulled up to the house, my dad and his fiancée had decided to take an afternoon nap. My brother and I sneaked out of the house, collected our bags, mindful of being very quiet, got into Mom’s car and never looked back again.

On our way to Mom’s house…. our new home, panic constricted my throat as the cell phone started ringing. I saw the caller ID and knew what was about to happen. Glancing at my mom, I pressed the answer button. It was Dad. A flood of cuss words and insults hit my ear as I answered. It sent my emotions over the edge and unleashed the tears I so desperately tried, on many occasions, not to shed.

Mom looked over at me and saw the tears streaming down my face. She took the phone, pausing for a moment when she heard my dad yelling, thinking that it was still me at the receiving end of his wrath. When my mom laid into him for the way he was conducting himself, I could hear him spiralling into a rage, threatening to call the police to register a kidnapping case if she didn’t turn the car around immediately and took us back to his house. My mom smiled and requested him to go ahead and do just that. She went on to inform him that we were going to live with her from now on.

         From what I understood, there was a verbal agreement for us to temporarily live with our father, out of necessity, because he refused to pay maintenance as ordered by the court. Although we had been living with our father for a few years, there was nothing that he could do now. After all, the court granted full custody to my mom. There were no other documents, legal or otherwise, to indicate that he was our custodian.

“Sammy, what is he saying”? Joe, my brother, was sitting in the back seat, asking all sorts of questions. I knew he needed some reassurance but I couldn’t reply because of the tightness in my throat. I was sobbing like an idiot. The past week flashed through my head. My brother and I had had enough of the tense atmosphere at home and the sometimes violent behaviour of our dad. We’ve decided to take this leap, something we should’ve done much, much sooner.

My dad didn’t have a particularly stable mood. There was no in-between with him. He was either, very calm and distant, or very angry to the point of being abusive. I suppose the amount of alcohol he consumed didn’t help much either.

There were times when Joe and I regularly went to church with Dad and his fiancée on a Sunday, enjoying the youth activities afterwards. Just to be disappointed the following Sunday when Dad couldn’t get out of bed in time for church because of his hangover. Sometimes we were even staying up way past midnight on a school night, waiting in a restaurant-bar for him to finish one his karaoke competitions.

My dad lost his temper very quickly and unfortunately his anger would find us. One night, as we came home from one of his karaoke quests, the dining room’s carpets were soaking wet. It was raining and we were blamed for forgetting to close the windows. He picked up my little brother, who was nine at the time, throwing him down on the wet carpet, instructing him to start drying it. Little Joe’s whole body quivered as he sobbed, trying to dry the carpet with towels. The anger in me boiled red hot, and hatred took hold of me…..

Mom had ended the call by then and pulled off the road to speak to us. She told us that she loved us without end, and ensured us that this issue was between the grown-ups. She also promised that she would never allow him to come near us if we didn’t wish to see him ever again. Joe and I decided then and there that we wanted him out of our lives, for good. I only felt very sad because I knew then that I would also not see my Gran again.

We were very close, Gran and I. She lived with us at my Dad’s, but after an operation there were complications which altered her state of mind. That was when I became her caregiver. When school came out, I bathed her, kept her company, helped her get dressed and made sure that she took her medicine.

Mom kept her promise and we only saw Dad once after that day. Not because we wanted to though. I was missing Gran, and phoned Dad’s fiancée, now his wife, to arrange with her to see Gran. I asked her to please not tell Dad about the visit. She agreed to arrange for us to visit while my dad was still at work.

When Mom dropped us off at my dad’s new house, she decided to wait in the car and told us to call if we needed her. Joe and I went inside to find, not only Gran, but also my dad. His new wife had lied to me. I called Mom on her cell phone and asked if she would join us because my dad was there. We had a nice visit with Gran. It was the last time we saw her or spoke to her.

I’m happy with how my life turned out. I’m also happy about Joe’s life, and so is he. Dad didn’t make contact with us, not even on special days such as our birthdays, Christmas, New Years or any other day. Which is fine, because neither did we. We are healthy, balanced, ambitious grown-ups now, and we will continue to be fine without him.