The Knitty Gritty

The racket that comes from someone arriving home fills the halls of the apartment building. A combination of shouts of joy and the jangle of collars from the dogs follow me to the kitchen as I just manage to get the groceries on the counter-top.

"Mama, I'm home!"

It takes me a second but I soon spot mama in the living room.

She sees me. "Hey there, Liz!"

My mother lays spread out on the sofa, her left leg tenderly resting across the couch in its cast. Mama's been crashing my place for a bit before she gets back on her feet (no pun intended). She seems content enough next to the window, Oprah playing on the television, and - wait...

Is she knitting?

I am immediately at her side and make no effort to mask the confusion in my voice.

"Mom, when on earth did you start knitting?"

Mom finishes the row of tangles that dangle between her two needles before responding and proudly turns towards me.

"This morning. It's my new niche." I try my best to ignore the smug look on her face.

I gesture to the bags of yarn that surround the sofa. She must've had quite the shopping spree. (I don't even know where she got the money). "Since when did you have time to do this?" It's struggle to temper my annoyance. It seems mama's been finding a new "niche" every week since she broke her leg a few months back. First, it was embroidery, then scrap booking, then the flute, and more, until infamously... "Don't tell me we're going to have another "doll painting" ordeal again!"

Mom straightens in her chair and sends me a threatening glare. "Ha, ha. I am amused. No, I ordered the yarn this morning while you were at work. I mean, how could I not, they deliver it right to the front door, and I get 25% off my next order!" I sigh as my mom once again has fallen into the trap of corporate America. "And besides, the dolls didn't work out because I didn't have the right brushes. You know that. Oh, please, don't give me that face, Liz!"

I start heading towards the groceries but she interrupts me "Oh Liz, I have a surprise for you!"

The word surprise does enhance my mood.

My mom gives an audible grunt as she strains forward to the bag by the couch.

"I... picked some yarn up for you too! I thought we could knit together!"

"Mom! You know I can't knit."

"Then learn with me! I added some fun books to the order that were on sale, and I thought we could read them together! In fact..."

She pats the spot next to her and her chihuahua Diva jumps up and slobbers over her. Suck up.

She brandishes a book from her bag. "There's a whole chapter on dog sweaters!" (I stifle a laugh.) "Come on, this is serious! You know how cold Diva gets during there Minnesota winters. It'll be fun!"

At this I feel an ache in my heart. There was nothing else I wished to do more than sit next to my sweet mom and learn (but ultimately fail and give up) at knitting with her. We could pour tea and listen to Sinatra... We haven't had that quality time in a while. Don't we deserve it? But it doesn't matter what I want, because despite how badly I wish I could knit with my mama, the stack of medical bills on the kitchen counter give me a reality check.

My response pains me. "I'm sorry, mama, I really want to. But if I don't get this big grant out by 7 Keith won't be happy with me. It's really important and I can't afford to lose this job..."

My mom gives me one of her understanding smiles.

I take this as a sign to continue. "Mom, believe me, I am so happy you are trying new things, but the thing you really need to be trying if finding a job where you can work from home. Have you found any new leads today?" I sit across from mom in an easy boy and let myself relax.

Mom pauses and I can tell it'll be the same reply. "Well, I'm trying. But there doesn't seem to be many people scrambling for a 65-year-old with a broken leg!" She chuckles at her joke.

I flash mom one of my I-know-you-think-this-is-funny-but-it's-pretty-serious looks.

Quick to defend, herself mom responds: "Liz, I promise you, I'm not just wasting my time. I swear I'm trying my best... Ever since I broke my leg... I'm just so frustrated how useless I am right now..." Her tears threaten to spill over and composes herself for a second.

"I'm so mad at myself. I had a job interview today that could've been great. But right before I ducked out. Called the guys and said I got hired somewhere else, even though I didn't. Why did I do that Liz?"

I silently stare back.

"I did it because I was scared. Scared it would be another failure of mine. That I wouldn't be cut out for it and let you down again. Liz, I don't want to let you down again."

"Mom" my voice is raw. "You've never let me down. I love you so much, and don't stress yourself about this. I want you to be happy. Just enjoy your knitting and heal up."

I go over and give her a hug and shoot her a smile. Sure it isn't ideal to have mom unemployed, but we've getting along on my salary. We can wait a bit longer.

I turn towards the kitchen. "Let me know if you need anything!"

I start the dishes for a few minutes before my mom's voice pipes up in the living room.

"Actually, could you do me a quick favor and return all this?" She gestures towards the bags yarn. "I don't really think knitting's for me."