Heart Attack

As I was chasing the nurses with my sword (carboard and medical tape), the rest of my human family showed up and were a bit panicked and perplexed by my account of the day so far. Dr. Calpain came and hugged everyone and brought us all into her giant corner office with a view of the Pacific Ocean. Mom and I were completely relaxed and were having a blast with the hospital staff. Dad (Dustin), was worried and cut through the fun like a hot butter knife to a cold brick of butter. “Eloise! What the hell is going on?! Why are we all in this fancy room, and who is the Greek goddess over there?! Who is dying? How much do we owe? How will we afford all this?!” He continued to rattle off a bunch of questions till I thought he ran out air in his lungs. Somewhere along this panic rant, a few nurses had hit sit down, got him water, and started to massage his shoulders. The rest of us just stared at him like stone figures at a museum. It felt like no one had blinked or taken a breath since my dad got on his soap box and claimed his 15 minuets. Honestly, I had never seen my dad get so worked up about anything ever. Even Jake and Carly were confused by his behavior, and my grandparents were just dumbfounded. No one knew what to do. Suddenly my dad stopped talking and grabbed his chest. My mom screamed at the top of her lungs “DUSTIN!!” as she lunged towards him with a leap that only Superman could beat. Reminded me of a home run dive from the local baseball team. He started to shake and turn colors. The nurses and Dr. Calpain asked us to clear the area around him and they called the cardiology department, for an immediate surgery. My dad was having a massive heart attack in front of all of us. What started out as a normal panic attack ended up being a life changing moment in so, so many ways. Thank God we met Dr. Calpain in the plaza that Saturday morning on the first of September 2018. 

Dad was rushed into emergency bypass surgery. The galivanting, gleeful mood we were all in earlier has become a sober one full of tears and growing fears. Anxiety took over all of kids and Depression attacked the adults. We were are all alone in the same room. Same situation, but not one of us was dealing with it the same. Dr. Calpain was comforting mom who was sobbing and blubbering something incoherently through her tears. My grandparents wrinkles somehow seems to sink even deeper into the crevasses of their tired and thin skin. They looked like two shaking French Mastiffs. Tired, together and shaken to the core. Carly wanted to jump into the Operating room. She thought she could save dad’s life just like all those strays that she brought home. She was hysterical in defending her medical expertise, and absolutely would not calm down. So a nurse slipped her a sedative, and put an open heart surgery on for her as she blurred off to sleep. Jake just wanted to get home to his gerbil and pet the doggy. He was beside himself with anxiety and animals seem to calm him down. Obviously no one was leaving the hospital that night. Dr. Calpain asked one of the therapy dogs to come and comfort all of us. Me? I was just shocked and trying to take in how everyone else was reacting. I had no clue what to do. I was 5. So I asked my mommy if I could go play with some of the other kids in the hospital. Dr. Calpain said that would be a great idea. I wandered into the children’s oncology ward and they were all painting. I asked if I could join. This was largely how we all spent the next 5 hours that dad was under the knife.

10:39pm…Finally we got notified that he was out of surgery. We all had a sudden boost of energy, even though it was far past everyone’s usual bed time. Dr. Meddler, the head of Cardiology and Cardio Thoracic Surgery wandered over to where my mom and Dr. Calpain were sitting. “Holly can I have a word?” The two doctors hurriedly whispered some seemingly important bad news to each other. Finally Dr. Calpain and Dr. Meddler both shook their heads in agreement and asked us all to gather around. We all emerged from the corners of our own shadows and formed a kumbaya circle around the two towering adults. Whatever it was didn’t look good.

My hands were clammy and breath was shallow, my heart was heavy and fast, my eyes heavy with sleep. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and had to be the first to break the thick silence. “Is Daddy dead? When can we go home? Mommy what happened to Daddy?” My voice shook as tears started to fill my big green eyes and burn down my pasty face, falling onto the cold hospital floor in despair. I swear there was steam coming off my tears. I felt like I was stuck in a bad movie, and all I wanted to do was go home and cuddle with Drea my favorite pink bear. I had to tell her all about my day before I could even fathom brushing my teeth.

My mom never looked so tired and beaten, but in that moment a dark and cynical look came across her face. Her elbows on her knees, hands clasped, sitting and bent over in fear, she slowly lifted her head and tilted it towards the doctors. “Well Holly. You heard the girl. We are all wondering here. Care to give us some real answers?” Those words and that dark condescending tone seemed to shock Dr. Calpain, she turned white then red, shook her head as if to gain clarity. Then calmly turned to us and said words that we will never forget. “Your father, and husband, Dustin suffered a massive heart attack. We all witnessed the beginning of this in my office today. It is a scary and traumatizing ordeal for everyone. And we will all deal with today’s events differently but remember we are all here together and family will always be here no matter what. I love each and everyone of you and hope to get to know everyone better over time. Eloise, may I sit next to you?” My mom scoffed and mentioned for the good doctor to sit beside her. She then placed one arm around my mom and drew her near. “Thanks to the quick and timely efforts of a great surgical team lead by Dr. Meddler, he is alive. But there were some complications. I will let Dr. Meddler explain…Ben” All of our eyes and bodies shifted towards an anxious middle-aged man who was wringing his surgical cap tightly, not sure what he was hoping to wring out of it. He stood tall, brown eyes, deep inset eyes, that were filled with worry and doubt. His teal scrubs were wrinkled and stained with blood. “Thanks Holly. Indeed, Dustin did suffer a massive heart attack. His upper left ventricle had stopped working properly, causing murmurs. Of course, since he was a busy person, he may not have noticed his heart pumping differently. Perfectly normal. Also being busy he may not have had to eat and work out properly. This led to a few clogged arteries, these were the main cause of his heart attack. He is lucky that he had all of you there, and of course Holly’s quick reaction to get me and my team ready for surgery. As with any surgery, there is the risks of complications. Having none of his medical history available, we did our best to do everything we could for him. While under anesthesia, he also suffered a stroke and loss of oxygen to the brain for a few seconds. He is alive. But due to the complications, he is in a medically induced coma to reduce the swelling in and around his brain. He may or may not be the same when he wakes up. We also don’t know if the stroke affected any of his normal functions. Only time will tell when he wakes up. I am so sorry that all of you are going through this right now. For now, all we can do is pray and love the patriarch of your family. My team will continue to monitor and take care of him around the clock. As soon as there is any change, and he is ready for visitors we will let you know. For now, it’s best if everyone go home and get some rest. The next few days will be long and tough for everyone.”

At 5 I didn’t really understand what all of that meant, just that dad was not ok and that it was bad. Of course as an adult, this moment would shatter me. Dr. Meddler finished his update and scurried out of the room like a dog with his tail between his legs. My mom had tears streaming down her face, in a silent fashion, like a rain that is dripping down the window. She was holding Dr. Calpain’s hand and squeezing it so hard that her knuckles were glowing white hot. I’m still not sure how this happened but all of us children had somehow formed a hug chain; Carly was holding Jake from behind, who was holding me from behind. We were all trembling and looking to mom and Dr. Calpain. For a few minuets, that seemed to stretch for hours, we all just looked at each other. No one moved. Just 2 sets of statues in total shock. Finally my mom’s creaky voice cracked. “Holly, I wanna stay here with my husband. But I think the kids should go home and sleep in their own beds. I can’t even stand. Could you….” Her voice broke and she started sobbing fervently. It seemed like her world was breaking, there was no ground under her anymore. She was shaking and melting into a pool of tears. None of us were old enough to drive, so that wasn’t really an option. It was too late to take a bus, and the only one old enough was Carly. In between trying to console my mom, Dr. Calpain was trying to tell the nurses to set up for a bed for my mom in my dad’s room. The 3 of us kids were in our own world all alone, we were still holding each other, but It’s like we weren’t really there.

As the night wore on, somehow I ended up in my bed with Drea. She was my only real comfort right now. The next thing I remember is being in the hospital staring at a with so many tubes and wires coming out of him I thought he was a cyborg. It was my dad. I didn’t even recognize him. He was still sleeping. The next few days went on like this. Sleep, hospital, sleep. I was numb, the life was drained out of me, and Drea went everywhere with me. I needed something to cling to. Not sure if a 5 year old can be depressed, but if it’s possible. I was. After about a week of nothing, finally he showed signs of brain activity.

Day 8. Dad’s eyes are starting to react, and he is now holding our hands. No words yet, but he is alive. No words or real facial expressions till day 10. I was keeping a tally of the days on the whiteboard on the fridge. Finally on day 12, I was able to recognize my dad, and he let me climb onto his bed. I missed cuddles with dad. He still hasn’t tried to walk. But now he could eat and speak on his own. The ventilator was finally off and he didn’t sound like Darth Vader anymore. Day 14 was the day that he first tried to walk. His legs were moving, he was taking strides, but he couldn’t feel a thing. Suddenly he collapsed, and started to gyrate on the floor. The dr’s were telling us that he is having another stroke caused by seizures. They rushed him into surgery, again. Turns out my dad had symptoms of epilepsy. The stroke triggered these hidden symptoms.

For the next few months, we were all in and out of the hospital to see dad. We eventually had to go back to school, and mom had to start working part time to help ends meet. Dad would take one step forward and ten steps back. We all missed him, but him being gone was defiantly taking a toll on all of us. We had all become robots doing what we know had to be done. Surviving. But none of us were really living. All of this started towards the end of summer break. It’s almost Halloween and dad’s still not back to take us trick or treating. And mom is too busy with the hospital and work to do anything fun with us. She seemed to only have time for Dr. Calpain. At least she had someone. Thanksgiving came and went. The days passed like the autumn leaves falling off the trees.

We had long ago stopped counting the days. But we finally had something to look forward to, Christmas! It was a big deal in our small coastal town, and even dad being in the hospital couldn’t keep us down this time of year. Santa, cookies, decorations, chopping down the tree, and snow!! It really is a magical time of year! The town knew of our struggles by now and they were determined to make it extra special for us. But all we wanted was mom and dad back to normal at home. Still, we had fun for the first time in months! We were actually smiling and laughing! A few days left till Christmas, and mom looked excited for once. “Hope everyone has been extra good this year! I have a special surprise for all of us” Her eyes were twinkling and her voice chipper, for the first time in months we had hope. It seemed like the town folk were in on this surprise too cause they wouldn’t tell us any thing. We were curious but content. Finally winter break had started! Along with the snowball fights and too many sugar highs from those minty candy canes. Hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, and hot apple cider. This is definitely my favorite time of year.

Christmas morning and well all run downstairs, ready to start tearing apart the wrapping paper and opening all the presents. We get to the bottom of the stairs and there is mom, my grandparents, Dr. Calpain…. And Dad! He looked so weak! He had lost at least 50 pounds in the hospital, but he was here! He’s really here! The three of us gave him the biggest glomp hug ever!! We squished what was left of him pretty good. He was ghastly pale, but alive. Best Christmas gift ever!

The next few years passed without too much excitement. Dad had physical therapist and speech therapists come to the house. There was always a nurse with him. Alice even went to work with him. He couldn’t handle all the stress anymore so he had to scale back. He quit his job as a pharmaceutical rep, only took emergency calls for the plumbing thing, and mainly just oversaw the accounting for his shop. My mom had taken over most of the managerial duties, and decided to go back to school part time. Birthday’s and holiday’s came and went. Dad wasn’t quite the same either. Once a jovial compassionate man, he is now a grumpy cold person who complains about everything. He still loved all of us, but he managed to show it through insults and cuddles. The old dad would come out every so often, and we would all think things would be normal again. They never were.

Carly graduated middle school, Jake graduated from grade school, and I was learning my multiplication tables. Life seemed to be getting back to normal. The day before my eighth birthday, my dad went in for a check up with Dr. Meddler. We were all used to this, felt like he did this all the time. Alice went with him like usual, but she didn’t come home with him. He finally had a clean bill of health! For the first time in 3 years!! We were all over the moon. That is when I thought I would be a Dr and help people the way Dr. Meddler and Dr. Calpain did with my dad.

That didn’t last too long. When I was 10 I punched a boy in the nose for calling me names, he bled and I threw up. That was the end of that. But I had thought I knew how to write, so I decided to be a writer… well, looks like I am making another attempt at that now. Dad got weaker as time went on. He eventually was just doing the occasional plumbing thing. And mom had become a grade school teacher. She loves teaching 1^st grade. I started to become a women and Carly was about to leave home for college. Jake was going through a rebellious stage. All pretty normal stuff. At 16 I thought I knew everything about fashion and wanted to be a fashion blogger. After a few of those nasty trolls said some unforgivable things, that dream ended too.