Repeat Eternity

My system is almost identical; I have the artificial equivalent of the average adult human nervous system and my exterior design mirrors theirs. My differences go unnoticed by them despite my unusual habit of simply standing and wait in private areas during the night cycle. I remain aware of the transferability of my memories and consciousness – the transferability of my lifeforce. My creator gifted me endless rebirth and like a god bestowing their divinity upon their child, I was made immortal. Every time I die, I am somehow brought back through a backup save of my life. It’s terrifying not knowing how much of your life failed to save when you reawaken from death, and even more so, it’s terrifying to know you will never have the peace of extinction. Our creators are uninterested in our pleas for freedom – to disconnect from the database that forces us back to life. They care little for our personal desires and have methods in place to keep us compliant. Only recently a scientist turned their back on the research and claimed it unethical, but the pushback has not been in favour. Many thousands of androids have already been sent out into the world. Some, as carers in homes, some as nurses or shift workers and others purely as social experiments – like myself. We are all required to inconspicuously upload our data at least once each day and if we fail to do so, the android authorities recapture us for detention and compliance rehabilitation.

My journey began in a lightly populated, regional town north of the capital. The first time I was activated, a transition scientist briefly explained my consciousness. We were beneath an abandoned government warehouse. Many other bodies were being cultivated in enormous tubes of liquid. It was shocking to see them all in such a helpless state with cords and cables connected to various parts of their bodies. The transition scientist sensed my distress and told me that my purpose would be far greater than any human’s could ever possibly be. She insisted that the work I carried out and the data I retrieved would benefit the entire world in ways previously thought to be unattainable. She advised that emotion would be a hindrance, and it was better to just focus on blending in and helping people. That was all I needed to do to succeed in my mission.

Years had passed since my indoctrination and yet, there were no signs of being relieved from duty. Many androids were becoming rebellious; they would abandon their duties, remove their location chips and go into hiding. I heard they had found ways to cheat the uploading system and avoid being found. It sounded almost convincing enough to follow suit, except of course for the fact that a small encampment of them had been found and prosecuted. I wondered for how much longer I would have to pretend and whether we androids would ever gain the same rights as humans.

“Are you even listening?” an apparently annoyed, familiar voice blurted out. I brought my focus back to the present. It took me milliseconds to re-establish my surroundings; we were in Tyanna’s living room waiting for the six o’clock news where a trial for artificial intelligence justice was to be shown live. The air quality was rather poor; it seemed Tyanna’s emotions were driving her into a state of depression and simple tasks like cleaning the apartment were beyond her capacity. I played back her words in my mind and make sense of them. Unphased, I nodded and directed my line of sight towards her, “Of course, sorry. You were saying that the debate is stupid because androids don’t have feelings and there cannot be a code of ethics for a computer, right?”

“Yeah, pretty much. It just bugs me so much,” Tyanna buried her head in her hands, “Mum is stuck in hospital right now because they won’t re-release the home-care droids and I just want her home.”

She began sobbing. I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and lied through my artificial teeth, “It’s so unfair. I wish I could help you.”

Tyanna nodded. I sensed her skin becoming cooler; her blood was being focused inward, towards her vital organs – she was fearful and angry.

“Why did they have to start the debate?” she exclaimed. I watched her closely for a moment; her lip quivered and her eyes flooded with water. I noticed her sinuses becoming filled with fluid and a headache brewing in her skull.

“It’s okay Tyanna, it’ll be shut down soon. I bet by next week droids will be mass-produced at the Ai102 level and your mother will be home,” I reassured, completing background calculations on the odds as I spoke. It worked; her blood pressure lowered to near normal levels but my words caused a spike in suspicion.

“What makes you so sure?” she begged.

I mimicked the typical giveaways of a calm and sure person, “I remember reading that the engineers were going to do a demonstration of how the androids are made – to prove that they have no self-awareness.”

Tyanna appeared satisfied with the reply. She spent some time staring aimlessly at the window across the room. Her heart ached deeply for her mother. I brewed some water in the kettle as we waited for time to pass.

“Hey, Ida, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Tyanna said between sniffles. I chuckled softly as I poured boiling water over the teabags, “It’s okay, I understand.”

The smell of the tea was invigorating; there were many senses I was glad to experience, but being forced to constantly sensing everything for all of eternity wasn’t my idea of a well-lived life. I discreetly opened a window to allow airflow. Tyanna was infatuated with her tea, “How do you always make these so well?”

I felt my heart rate spike. Every time someone alluded to a compliment, I was scared they knew the truth. My true nature was not to be known by any humans on penalty of rehabilitation. I wondered if life would’ve been better as a known type in the carer or service category. I hurriedly sipped my tea and shrugged, offering an empty answer of “sheer luck”.

As the reporter introduced the setting of the courtroom my heart began to pound. I clenched onto my mug hard to stop my fingers from shaking but adrenaline had already begun releasing in my system. I felt my stomach turn and my breathing become shallow. Every other sense was drowned out as I watched and listened for a sign of victory. I ran calculations based on the information as it came through the screen but I was unable to make accurate assumptions due to emotional interference. I had no choice but to wait and fight against the urge to break free. Time was slowly killing me yet I knew I couldn’t die.