A Last Dance

James couldn’t help but be nervous as he stared at the red table cloth in front of him. He tried to distract himself; tried to focus on the smell of roasted peppers and a very strong cheese wafting from the kitchen, tried to focus on the melody the harpist had been plucking out since he had set foot in the restaurant. But he couldn’t keep his mind off the letter. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket, pretending he hadn’t read it before, even though he had practically memorized it over the past week.

James,

I don’t really know how to start this letter. It has been so long, some part of me is afraid you won’t read it at all out of sheer anger. But regardless, I hope it finds you well. I would like to have dinner with you. I know so much about your past, but nothing of your life now. Enclosed you will find a ticket to my next ballet, as well as a plane ticket to New York. I hope you are able to make it.

Hopeful,

Grace

He carefully studied the looping purple ink that dyed the soft cream stationary. There were still hints of her perfume when he opened the envelope. He still wondered why she had felt the need to be so formal. If anyone knew that wasn’t the real her, it was him. Did she really feel the need to distance herself from him even in words? But then, just as she had said, he was remembering a Grace from years ago.

The ballet had been wonderful. Even with all the stage makeup, he had watched her dance for so many years that he could tell which dancer was her by the way her fingers still seemed to float in midair. He had always loved the delicateness of her fingers. She used to say that ballet was about every part of your body, down to the tip of your pinky. He smiled at the memory, but his thoughts were quickly interrupted by the cold breeze that meant the door of the restaurant had opened. He looked up and quickly put the letter back in his jacket. As she crossed the restaurant floor, he saw her jet black hair and the laugh lines next to her kind, jade eyes. And suddenly, she was in her seat across from him.

“Hello, Jamie.”

“Hello, Bambi.”

She laughed that same, unapologetic, beautiful laugh, “No one has called me that in a long time.”

“I could say the same thing to you,” he said with a chuckle. Adding, “Though I like Jamie better from you than James.”

“Alright Jamie. If you don’t mind, I prefer just Grace.”

He thought about making another joke by calling her “Just Grace”, but decided it against it. “So, now that the introductions are out of the way, what would you like to talk about?”

“Actually, before we do any talking, I’d like to get some food. I’m starved.”

“Sounds good to me.”

They called the waiter over and placed orders for drinks and appetizers.

Once the waiter disappeared into the crowd of tables, she asked him about his life now. He told her about his writing job at the paper, and about his small studio apartment in Chicago. She asked about his parents, and he realized she didn’t know his dad had passed away a year ago. The drinks and appetizers came out, and they ordered their entrees. She asked about his love life, and he went silent for a moment before saying he didn’t get out very much. He didn’t like the idea of dating apps. Thought they were too impersonal. She smiled when he said that.

Finally, he got tired of answering questions, and decided to ask one.

“So, what have you been up to in New York?”

“You just saw.”

“Nothing but dance, huh? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. It certainly has paid off though. The ballet was beautiful.” He wanted to tell her she had been the most beautiful part, but caught himself. It was something he had said after every recital, every show, every cabaret night, for seven years. “But really, there’s nothing else in your life? No fancy Madison Avenue suit to keep you company?”

Grace laughed as their meals were placed on the table, “Jamie, you know very well that even if I had time for a partner, a Madison Avenue suit would be the last guy I talked to.” She was eyeing her pasta with glee, clearly starving from the show.

“Actually, I thought that would have been me.”

The comment sat heavy in the air between them. Grace looked up from her plate, her mouth a thin line. James immediately wished he could take it back. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. He looked down.

“Seven years, Grace. The best seven years of my life, and suddenly you were gone. Nothing but your engagement ring on the kitchen table. Not even a week after you got the invitation to come out here,” James said. He felt defeated. All the fight to save both of their feelings left him.

She was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

“I don’t want to hear sorry. I want to hear why I wasn’t enough for the only woman I ever loved.”

“It had nothing to do with you, Jamie. You would have been more than enough for me!” He could hear her choking up. She always did that when she got angry. At first he had thought she was doing it to win an argument, but years ago he realized she never knew she was doing it. Still, it upset him even more.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” His voice was as cold as ice.

“No, Jamie, listen! You said yourself you weren’t surprised that all I do is dance. If I was to stay in Chicago, do you think I would have done anything different? I would have worked non-stop. I felt like I wasn’t going to have any time for our marriage.”

“I would have understood, Grace.” Now his voice was straining. “I would have done anything to make it work.”

“I know you would have. That’s what made it so hard! I was too scared to sit you down and tell you, so I just left. That’s why I invited you here. I need closure,” She took a deep breath, “And clearly you do too because you came.”

James opened his mouth to speak, when the waiter came up and asked if everything was okay. They assumed him it was, and he soon left, but by the end of it, Jamie knew he couldn’t argue with Grace. He had come for closure. Instead, he looked her in the eyes, and chose his next words carefully.

“I loved you, Grace. There is a part of me that will always love you. I know you loved me, I’ve never doubted that. I understand that I wasn’t your only love. Are you sure that even now, you can’t share your life with me?”

Grace sighed and stood up from the table. “It’s been too long, Jamie.”

James was suddenly struck with panic as Grace turned to leave. He quickly fumbled with his wallet and threw enough cash on the table to cover the barely eaten meal. Probably more than enough, but it did matter. He couldn’t give up just yet. He couldn’t let her just walk out of here.

“Grace, wait!” He called after her as she slipped through the door of the restaurant. He finally caught up with her. “What if I moved out here?”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You wouldn’t have to. But you’ve made it very clear that you’re not going to leave.”

“No, I’m not. But do you really want to start your life over again just for me? I may look like her, but I’m not the same woman you loved five years ago.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

She thought for a moment, and then did the only thing she could think of. She kissed him. A long, slow kiss.

James froze for half a second, then melted into the kiss. He could smell the hair spray that had kept her hair in a tight bun a few hours before. He placed his hands on her hips, and could feel the thick, powerful muscle there that only comes after years of work. He could taste the garlic on her mouth from dinner. For a brief moment, he couldn’t be happier. And then he slowly started to remember. His Grace’s hair always smelled of lilac, regardless of how much hairspray she used. Her abs muscles had been her strongest. She hated garlic. This wasn’t his Grace anymore.

As Grace pulled away, she could see the realization in his eyes. “Goodbye, Jamie.”

James stood in stunned silence, as he watched Grace walk away. She didn’t look back, and he didn’t call out after her. He simply whispered to himself, “ Goodbye, Bambi.”