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BASED ON REAL LIFE EVENTS OF ME.
February 23rd 2011
Dear Diary,
Ugh, dear God I can’t believe I started with that.
Dear...damn...Diary.
How about this?
Dear Damn Diary, I hate you.
Great introduction.
I am not writing this because I want to, but because I have to.
My school counsellor thought it would be a healthy way to release some of the weight that I hold in with the thoughts and words I wish to express from the crap I deal with daily. It’s better than wasting my parents’ money to go see a therapist in a town who would be as helpful as a stomach ulcer. Plus, my school would not want me to ‘waste time’ in seeing the counsellor with my issues.
So, I’m writing in this. At least it’s black and not covered in pink flowers and butterfly stickers.
That’s all I have to say for now.
Later.
February 28th
Dear Dumbass Diary,
Well, this my technical first entry besides that wonderful introduction from a few days ago.
I had my first incident since I started school.
For the past few years I took in all the littler things that would distract me, but I decided to try and ignore those and focus on not failing my classes, considering all the work this year is bogus.
But today, this had me write it down.
A rumour was spread around by the popular bitches in my art class, saying I was taking so long in the art room because I was huffing paint. My art teacher heard and knew it wasn’t true. She liked me, and pointed out to another teacher who had heard that I wasn’t a bad kid. The incident was overlooked, and the girls got off with a warning, even though I got grilled under false pretences.
Something like that would have gotten me suspended. I would happily be suspended if it involved me ticking the heads of those glittering snickering harpies into the tub of glue until their hair stuck up like a Troll.
I wish I had the guts to do it, but I can’t. My parents would be disappointed. I can’t disappoint them more than I already do.
March 2nd
Dear Dipshit Journal,
It’s my sister’s 12th birthday today. She hates my guts. She hates my present. I don’t know who she hates more.
Mum also decided to make me join in the school play. Whoop-di-do.
Dad yelled at me for not doing anything productive since I quit keyboard lessons and do no sport.
March 11th
Dear Inner Thoughts On Paper,
Why do I go to this school?
There are a total of 5 teachers I actually like, the rest are just as bad as the little asswipes I have to sit next every day as they pull of my bra through my shirt and try and lift my skirt. It’s not my fault I have the largest breasts in the class and I don’t want to hoist my skirt halfway up my thighs.
I’m 14, not 24.
Plus I got shoved into a wall and watermelon thrown at me on ‘accident’.
I should just change schools.
March 18th
Dear Damn Diary,
Why do things keep getting worse?
Another rumour. Apparently, I am a wild partier.
My Math assignment is insane.
March 29th
Dear Bloody Diary,
How am I so bloody angry with what just happened to me, but want to stab you repeatedly with my pen?
Today, my bra got stolen.
It was my first day back at swimming at forced PE at the town pool. I missed the last few weeks to a cold and my period. I didn’t notice it was missing until it was time to change back into our uniform. I knew I put it in the bottom of my bag next to my underwear. But it was gone now.
I had to wear my jumper for the rest of the day in this heat. People noticed and stared. Boys tried to peek in between the buttons.
The teachers did nothing.
My parents couldn’t do anything.
Why does this keep happening to me.
April 4th
Dear Sweet Diary,
I am feeling rather sarcastic today.
It’s the only thing that got me through the crappy people, the stupid work and my raging parents who think I am lazy.
They have no idea.
April 7th
Dear sad replacement for a companion,
I got pushed down the stairs today.
April 12th
Dear Kill Me Now Diary,
My last swim class of the year.
Someone took my bra again and I left my jumper at home.
I now see why people hug their books to their chests in movies.
April 13th
Dear Dum-Dum,
So it has begun.
People have found out my locker combo and started their fun with stuffing food in the hidden nooks and spaces of my locker to rot in the shadows. I don’t notice until it’s too late and the room smells.
I have asked my homeroom teacher to switch lockers. He said no. Again.
April 29th
Hello Diary, we meet again.
So, I got detention today.
For asking a question.
Religion class, 3rd period.
I asked why did Lucifer hate humans well before Adam and Eve. Clearly I was confused and wanted to know why. The teacher scrambled her brain, but couldn’t answer me, stating what I asked was stupid and a waste of her time. I then asked ‘why is that difficult?’, because she was an ex-nun, I thought she may have known. She got pissed even further, thus handing me a yellow slip for Monday First Break.
I didn’t tell my parents about it.
I did need one of my parents to sign off, but I already knew how to forge my Mum’s signature.
They weren’t going to call them anyway, so I was fine.
I hope.
May 16th
Dear Fraking Diary,
It’s been a while. I haven’t felt like writing.
Still don’t.
May 26th
Dear Literary Companion whom I still hate,
I stayed home from school today. Told Mum and Dad I was sick.
I got punched in the gut by a boy who thought it was funny. There’s a huge bruise.
Two popular girls and a popular boy sexually harassed me in PE today on the oval. They laughed. The teacher saw, he did nothing. He didn’t care, as usual.
I hate my life.
May 30th
Dear Frienemy,
I got kicked out of the school play.
I had been helping for months in my spare time as backstage help. Painting sets, making things, assisting in set up. It’s almost time for the play to start. I had helped all day set up at the Theatre in town. Then at the end of the first day, the Drama teacher tells me she kicked me out for ‘not helping out enough’.
I ran to my Mum in front of everyone, crying.
Mum lost it. Said ‘fuck’ about 15 times to the teacher, in front of about 100 students.
I wasn’t going to school for a while.
June 1st
Dear…Ugh,
So I stayed home yesterday.
Mum made herself well known to the principal, vice principal and Drama teacher.
The school was buzzing about it when I came back.
The Drama teacher said I could come back.
I refused.
I was humiliated and unappreciated.
Why do I even bother?
June 6th
Dear Only Person Who Knows,
I started cutting myself today.
June 14th
Dear Pain In My Wrist Diary,
Another stink bomb in my locker.
Another rumour of dating one of the popular boys for a giggle.
Another bottle of juice wasted being thrown at my skirt by seniors who thought it was great fun.
The cutting is helping. I don’t know why, but it does.
June 19th
Dear Stupid Fucking Diary,
It’s stupid fucking bitch here.
Stupid bitch who can’t pass one damn assignment.
Stupid fatty who can’t keep her thunder thighs out of the way.
Ugly cow who should just get out of the way.
Maybe I should.
June 24th
Dear Escape,
Last day of school. Thank God.
July 12th
Dear Listener,
Why do I bother?
Why do I care?
July 20th
Dear The Only Thing That Lets Me Explain Why,
It hurts.
It helps.
No one knows.
No one knows anything of what I am thinking…or doing.
No one cares, because it doesn’t help themselves.
July 28th
Dear Escape,
All of my assignments were deleted from my USB today from one of the kids in my class when I had gone up to see the teacher. 2 were due tomorrow. I was halfway done with them there and then. Now I have to start all over again. I was already falling behind. I didn’t help that my homework was already ruined. At least one of my teachers saw something had happened and gave me an extension.
Another push.
Another thing broken.
How long can I hang on?
I don’t want this anymore.
August 5th
Dear Journal (I felt Diary was said too much),
It’s my 15th birthday today.
It was…
I asked my parents if I could stay home. They said no.
People at school knew, and decided to make a treat of it.
My things were tossed off the 2nd floor balcony of every class I went to. Someone actually threw cake at my face, said it was a custom they did at their house. I got shoved into walls and down stairs, again. Someone poured ink into my bag. Red paint was put on my chair, which I sat on. Boys tried to kiss me.
Why did they do that?
I have done nothing to them.
Why did I deserve what they did to me?
Then as I was walking home, someone threw a chocolate yogurt out of a passing bus and it hit me on the head. My hair was covered in chocolate goo and blood. To boot, I was locked out my house. Left my keys at school. Mum came home an hour later to me trying to get the last of yogurt and blood off my face, hair, neck, hands and shirt.
Shirt was ruined anyway.
I’ve never had a worst birthday in my life.
August 17th
Dear Scribble Pad,
I hate my life.
The cutting no longer helps.
People are starting to notice how much I wear the fabric headbands on my wrist.
What should I do?
August 26th
Dear Diary, send help and a fresh pair of underwear.
I got water poured on me in front of the school today.
No, it wasn’t to raise charity or anything.
A bunch of guys from my class who let me sit with them at lunch decided it was fun to band together with my old personal bully from primary school and pour water on top of me in surprise during the lunch break where most of the school population was sitting.
Over 350 people saw.
Over 350 people laughed.
Over 350 did not stop to see if I was okay. If I needed help. What I needed at all.
Only the Vice Principal and Counsellor helped me. They were angry at the boys and pushed to give them detention, since suspension looked bad for the school and didn’t want to cause a stir. I called my Dad for dry clothing. He came to the school with them, but when he was told what happened, he took me home.
It was the nicest thing he’s ever really done for me, and it didn’t cost a cent.
August 30th
Dear Swear Jar in book form,
I goddamn hate my feckin’ home room teacher, the prick.
The bad smell in the classroom, for the 5th time this year, was my locker. There was a rotten blueberry muffin, an brown apple that was once red, slimy KFC chicken bones and mouldy crusts from an eaten sandwich.
None of it was my food. No one listened to me.
If only they paid attention, the would know I was on a strict No Gluten diet.
And I hated red apples.
He won’t let me change my locker.
He won’t do anything.
September 6th
Dear You,
I was told to go kill myself today.
September 10th
Dear Me,
Should I?
September 15th
Dear Diary, you are officially the only thing in this world I trust now, because you’re me.
I tried to kill myself today.
No one stopped me...but me.
Sitting in the quiet heavily graffitied toilet cubicle at school, I was going to do it. The cut was already on the wrist, I just didn’t finish it.
I had enough. I was tired. I was done.
At least…done with this shit.
Instead, I ran to the Counsellor’s office. I told her what happened. The Vice Principal too. They said they would call my Mum and tell her what is happening. They let me stay in the sick bay for a while to calm down, but then was told to get back to class.
No specialist.
No ambulance.
Just a band-aid and a pat on the back.
Like nothing happened.
September 16th
Dear Good-For-Nothing Diary,
Sorry, no offense. I’m just…pissed.
I was no longer sad.
I was angry.
The school didn’t call.
My suicide attempt was brushed aside as teen drama. A girl wanting attention. A baby who needed to grow up.
The only reason my parents found out about the attempt was because my sister read the last entry of this diary.
Yep, I new this thing was a bad idea.
They just yelled at me. They weren’t going to send me for help or anything, though they asked if I wanted to. They didn’t push. Really, they just didn’t believe me.
No one was going to help me.
I was just going to have to help myself.
October 3rd
Dear New Start,
It was the beginning of Term 4.
3 months left until I was out. I was changing my life.
I wasn’t going to let anyone walk on my anymore.
October 5th
Dear New Challenge,
I started going to the library. Mrs Vince, the school librarian, helped my pick out books to start a new little hobby I thought would be good to try.
Recently, I discovered I liked reading.
Then writing.
October 7th
Dear New Idea,
I decided to not give a fuck.
I got detention today because I back-talked a teacher. They were wrong, and racist. I pointed it out. Other students and teachers agreed, but I still am spending my next Monday lunch in the cold air-con being punished.
Totally okay with that.
October 12th
Dear Badass,
One of the plastic bitches poured glue on my school uniform and played it off as an accident.
This clumsiness must be a contagious epidemic, because soon enough, I ‘accidently’ spilled blue paint down the back of her shirt.
My bad.
October 18th
Dear Diary,
Ha LOL!
I have done karate since I was 10, and officially made it to my black belt.
I had to wear the new belt until my shirt for 72 hours, so I had to wear it to school.
It was the first time anyone at the school realised I did self-defence. One of my fellow classmates and dojo buddies pointed out I was one of the top students in the class, got silvers in sparring championships, and was the fist dojo Kata Champion and Senior Girl Representative.
I stopped getting hit and thrown down stairs after thar.
Why didn’t I show them the damn belt sooner?
October 31st
Dear Boss-ass-bitch,
I was finally doing better at school.
And I told the boys who sexually harassed me if they ever thought about touching me or any other girl like they have done to me again, I would make sure they had a headache that lasted till then end of senior year.
I then broke a thick plank of wood with my fist.
Like a BOSS!
Thank you, Sensei.
November 7th
Dear Badass, it’s me.
The principal is officially terrified of me.
The head of the Catholic Diocese came for a visit – very important person – and they discovered he was my uncle.
Lol, the look on the principal’s face was priceless!
November 15th
Dear Beautiful,
I ruined the school life for every plastic bitch in my grade.
I stood up to the teachers who would give me infringements for wearing lip gloss but overlooked the girls who had their faces literally painted with cosmetics.
To put it short, they were all forced to wipe off their foundation and mascara with tears in their eyes.
Feeling fab-u-lous!
Plus, I am going to kick ass I my exams.
Since not giving a shit and standing up for myself, I can focus more on my school work.
Sure, I need to watch my back sometimes for any more little tricks, but I think most of those losers got the message.
November 21st
Dear Darling Diary,
It’s exam time!
Wish me luck!
November 24th 2011
Dear Freedom,
HELLO! IT’S ME!
Last day at this school.
It was over.
I wasn’t going to see any of these people again, let alone let them have me under their thumb.
I am so glad I started writing in this diary. Ignore every bad thing I said!
I am out of this shit show!
January 24th 2012
Dear Diary,
I just had the best day of my life.
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