Orchard of Delusion

Tony and Jen were on their first fall outing as a couple. They had been seeing each other for three months and Jen was the one that suggested apple picking in the local orchard. Tony was more of the city guy that liked concrete under his feet and not dirt and mud. Jen was finally able to convince him when she promised to bake an apple pie with the ones they picked. They agreed that this Saturday would be their adventure out.

"Wear something comfortable," Jen said. She knew if she did not tell Tony that, he would arrive in one of his urban slacks and sandals and she would have to listen to him complain all day.

"You mean like pajamas?" he said sarcastically. He knew what she was talking about. He had planned on heading to the clothing store when he left to find some jeans and a nice polo shirt.

Saturday finally arrived and Tony showed up at Jen's apartment at 9 AM, as planned. And, just as he planned, Jen was not ready. She answered the door wearing nothing but a smile and a towel. 

"I can't believe you're on time," she said. "Give me just a few more minutes."

Tony had always been punctual. Jen was the one that seemed to think you add thirty minutes to a time for the actual time you need to be ready.

Tony noticed a wicker basket on Jen's dinette table. “New basket for the adventure, I see.”

"Yeah," she yelled from the bedroom. "Don't you love it. I was able to get a basket for each of us with a nice fall checkered-pattern towel to put inside. We're going to look so cute together."

Tony's eyes rolled back. "We're going to look so gay," he said softly.

"What was that?" Jen asked as she came out of the bedroom.

"Nothing," he said. "I just said it looks like it's going to be a nice day."

"I know, right?" Jen grabbed the other wicker basket and put the two together. "Look. We are going to be stylin'."

"We're going to be something, alright," Tony said. He looked at Jen, "Two baskets. That's a lot of apples. Why don't we just take your basket and leave mine here."

Jen knew what he was trying to do. She could tell from the tone in his voice he would not feel comfortable carrying something so girly. "You don't like it, do you?"

"It's not that," Tony said, as he tried to avoid starting an argument. "The whicker just clashes with my shirt. You know, it just doesn't match."

“Whatever,” Jen said with an attitude. “Let’s just go.”

The two of them got in his BMW and headed to the countryside to a small local orchard. Jen had called them earlier in the week and put their names on the guest list to pick some apples. The orchard only allowed a small number of visitors each season to avoid overcrowding.

The drive took about thirty-minutes, but to Tony, it seemed to take forever. Jen gave him the silent treatment all the way to the orchard, and what made it worse, he did not care. He felt it was a nice break from her normal bubbly attitude which included a mouth that would not stop talking.

When they pulled into the parking lot, the silence was broken when Jen decided to speak. “Are you going to talk to me, or just keep giving me the silent treatment all day?”

“Me?” Tony could not believe what he heard. “You’re the one not talking. You’re mad because I didn’t want to carry that basket all day.”

Jen still made no attempt at eye contact. “I was just trying to make the day more enjoyable. I thought you would like it. I’m sorry I even tried.”

“Jen,” Tony said, as he looked at her. “Can we please not fight? I do appreciate everything you do. I think it’s cute how you love to plan these types of things.”

She stared at Tony. She could feel there was more he wanted to say. “But…?”

He continued. “But I don’t like looking…” He paused, trying to find the right words without sounding like a homophobe.

“Looking like what?” Jen said. “Gay?”

“Well, yeah.” Tony knew she would catch on.

“You think carrying a basket to put apples you pick off the tree in an orchard is gay?” Jen could not believe what she heard him say. “And you don’t think driving a red BMW convertible, with your brand-new Gap jeans and a white polo shirt with the sweater around your neck DOESN’T make you look gay?”

Tony started to look at himself in the mirror and checked his car out. Suddenly, he felt insecure about how he presented himself.

“You’re something else, Tony,” she said. “Come on, let’s go.” Jen got out of the car and started to walk towards the entrance.

Tony followed, the entire time he watched to see if anyone looked at him strangely. 

Tony and Jen found a few trees in the orchard they liked and they started to pick these big red delicious apples. Tony could not believe the size of them. “These are huge,” he said.

“Yeah, they are,” Jen responded. “I’m only going to need a few of these to make that apple pie for you.”

As they were picking, Jen was startled by an older man that suddenly appeared behind her. He stood seven inches taller than her and wore blue overalls and an old worn out baseball cap. His face was full of wrinkles and looked to be haggard. 

“What are you doing?” the man asked in an old raspy voice. “That’s my tree.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jen said. “I wasn’t aware that people were assigned trees.”

“Assigned trees?” The man was confused by what she said. “What do you mean ‘assigned trees?’ All of these trees are in my orchard.” The man grabbed Jen’s basket from her and dumped all the apples on the ground. “Now get outta here before I call the cops.”

“HEY!” Jen yelled. She could not believe how rude the man was.

Tony came running from the other side of the tree. “What’s going on?”

Jen looked at Tony. “This man says this is his tree and his orchard, and then he dumped all my apples on the ground.”

Tony looked around. “What man?”

Jen turned to point to the man that was there, but he was gone. “Where did he go?” Jen searched the area. “There was a man here, and he started yelling at me.”

Tony had a puzzled look on his face. “I didn’t see anyone.”

“But I swear, he was right here.” Jen was confused how the man could just disappear.

“Okay,” Tony said. “He’s not there now. Hey, I’m going to go over to this tree on the next row. They have some nice looking apples there.”

Jen was still confused. “Okay.” She gazed around one more time and saw no sign of the man. She bent down and started to pick up the apples that had fallen on the ground.

After collecting the last apple, she stood up.

“HEY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THIS WAS MY TREE!” The old man had returned and was yelling at Jen again. She jumped and was scared.

The man grabbed her basket and tossed it down the isle of the orchard scattering her apples all over.

Jen was frighted and was screaming as she ran to find Tony. “TONY! TONY!”

Tony came running from the other row of trees. “What? What is it?”

“It’s that man again.” Jen pointed towards the tree she was at. The man was gone. She walked with Tony to where she and the man were standing. “He grabbed my basket of apples and threw it.”

Tony saw her basket about twenty feet away and retrieved it for her. But he did not see the man anywhere. “I don’t see anyone, Jen.”

Jen was totally confused now. Not to mention scared. The man frighted her when he was yelling and throwing her basket. “That’s strange,” she said. “Can you stay with me?”

“Of course,” Tony said. He turned towards the tree and picked more apples.

Jen started gathering the apples that had scattered on the ground. She suddenly stood up as she heard the man yelling again.

“THOSE ARE MY APPLES!” he said.

Jen turned and saw the old man running towards her waving a shovel in the air. “GET OUT OF MY ORCHARD!” 

Jen started to scream and run. She dropped her basked on the ground and did not bother to stop to pick it up. She continued to run and then tripped over a branch that was on the ground. She felt the man as he got on top of her and kept yelling. Jen screamed, she thought he was going to hit her with the shovel. “NOOOOO!” she shouted. “NOOOOOO! HELP ME! NOOOOOOO!”

Jen heard Tony’s voice. “Hey, Jen! Jen!... It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Jen opened her eyes and looked up and saw Tony straddling over her. The old man was gone and nowhere to be seen. In his place was Tony. 

“You tripped,” Tony said. “Are you okay?”

Jen sat up, frightened, she looked around. “It was that man again. He was chasing me.”

“There’s no one here,” Tony said. “Look. It’s just us.” He looked around to see if he could spot someone, but they were alone.

“I swear, I saw that man again.” Jen stood to her feet. “Can we just go?”

“Sure,” Tony replied. “But what about my apple pie?”

“I’ll buy you a dam pie,” she said. “Let’s just get out of here.”

The two of them walked back to the car. Jen was quiet as she got in the passenger seat. Tony placed the basket in the trunk of his BMW and sat down in the driver side. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Jen said, “I’ll be fine.” She was looking out the window, staring at nothing, happy they were leaving.

Tony started the car and backed out of the parking spot. He started to drive away.

Jen looked out the window and screamed as she saw the old man with the shovel running towards the car. “THERE HE IS! GO! GO! DRIVE!”

Tony looked in the direction Jen was looking and saw no one. “There’s no one there, Jen.”

“JUST DRIVE,” she yelled, still frightened by the old man she saw and no one else did.

They returned home without further incident. Jen would never ask to go pick apples again. 

The end.