Blossem Tree

“Lena?”, I suddenly hear a faint whisper. I try to cut back my sobs as confusion creeps onto my face. It takes me a second to realize that someone’s actually talking to me. I quickly take the railing of the bridge I’ve been standing on since 7 a.m. this morning. I don’t know what time it is now and I don’t care. This has lasted more than long enough.

“Lena! No!”, I hear that same voice, screaming this time, before two strong arms wrap around my fragile body and pull me back from the railing. “No, please! Let go of me! I just want to die! I-I-I want to die…”, I scream, completely breaking down into this guy’s arms. Sobbing uncontrollably, two arms hold me tight. “It’s okay”, I hear his voice whisper into my ear. I try to take in as much air as my lungs can bear, but it’s not easy to calm myself down. His hand lands on my neck, his thumb sweetly cherishing my cheek.

Suddenly, my confusion returns as I feel his finger go up and down my left cheek. I know this touch. I know this warmth. I know this feeling. I’ve experienced it before, and cherished it for years. “Nick?”, I ask in a whisper as I slowly turn my head around to look up at the person holding me. A big and compassionate smile forms on his face, letting me know it’s really him.

I squirm out of his embrace and it’s only now that I realize we’re sitting on the ground on top of a bridge on the side of the motorway. We quickly stand up and I wipe away the tears still stranded on my cheeks. I give him a little smile, thanking him for what he has just done, before I turn myself around and start walking away from him. But before I can even take two steps, I feel my hand being grabbed. He spins me around and looks right into my navy-blue eyes. “Don’t, Lena. Don’t walk away again”, he quietly says as he grabs my other hand as well. His gesture makes me remember how good his touch once felt.

“I know it’s none of my business but what about I’ll take you somewhere we can talk?” “I don’t know if that’s a good idea”, I tell him, retreating my hands from his grip. “Why not? It’s been so long. I think we have a lot to catch up on”, he says, mentioning to the railing of the bridge I was about to jump off not even ten minutes ago. “Okay”, is all I answer before he leads me over to his car. We both get in and he drives off.

“Where are we going?”, I ask him reluctantly. “You’ll see”, he says back to me before he turns a left corner and pulls up the parking lot of the park. He turns off the engine but doesn’t make any attempt to get out of the car. “It’s been five years…” “I know. I haven’t set foot into this park since we broke up”, he tells me as I just look out of the window, avoiding his eyes at all costs. “Shall we?”, he asks before he opens the car door. I faintly nod my head before I do the same.

We both enter the park and walk over to a wooden bench underneath a blossom tree. Our blossom tree. “This is probably going to sound cliché but I’ve never been able forgot this place”, I say softly, tracing the bark of the tree with my fingers. I stop at a carved symbol of a heart with two letters in the middle. “You remember?”, Nick asks me as I suddenly feel his hand on top of mine. I smile and slowly nod my head, thinking about the time we were both young and came here every day after school. I quickly snap out of my thoughts and we both sit down on the bench. Our bench under our special tree. Our blossom tree.

“What happened, Lena? When you graduated, you were so determined and you had everything figured out. You knew what you wanted in life. So, what changed? What happened?”, he asks me sweetly, a hint of worry clearly present in his voice. I look down at my hands laying on my lap as I shrug my shoulders. I hear Nick letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry”, I whisper as I feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I try my hardest to fight them but there’s no use.

All of a sudden, a warm and comfortable feeling rushes through my body as a hand is being placed on the small of my back. I lift my head up and look right into a pair of gorgeous brown eyes. “You don’t have to be sorry. We’ve all done things we’re not exactly proud of”, Nick tells me as he gently grabs my hand. I let out a deep breath, not knowing what to say or do.

“Do you remember how much fun we had together? How I fell for you because you were the only girl that didn’t want me, and how you always called me a jerk?”, he asks and I respond with a little nod. “I kept asking you out and you kept turning me down. Until I found you sitting here, on this bench, under this tree, crying your eyes out. That’s when I realized that you weren’t this rebel, gangster kind of girl at all. You actually had a vulnerable side and you’re life wasn’t as perfect as you led everyone to believe. That’s when I fell in love with you.” “And that’s when you kissed me”, I add, a little smile appearing on my face thinking about our first kiss.

“Yeah, I kissed you. And from that moment on I was so extremely proud to call you my girlfriend. But I have to say, you were a big challenge. You weren’t like any other girl I had ever met. You weren’t a romantic soul at all. You didn’t fall for all my cheesy lines so I never understood how I got so lucky. I never understood why you stayed with me when we were completely different. But you know, I didn’t really care about that at all. I just knew that I loved you. And then… Then you left…”, he tells me but I can feel that he’s story isn’t quite finished yet. “I always told myself that it was my fault, that I was holding you back from chasing your dreams. You wanted to get out of here more than anything. You were so set on getting that scholarship and becoming the best writer you could ever be. You wanted to get away from your past and you were so extremely determined on building a life for yourself. And I guess, I just didn’t fit the picture.”

“You did… You more than did”, I tell him, words leaving my mouth rapidly. He lets go of my hand in confusion and shock. “What?” “I loved you… And maybe I still do.” “But why did you leave then?” I look down, avoiding his gaze. I can’t believe I’m about to spill the truth.

“Do you remember Ryan?” “Yes…” “Do you also remember the Eastern party?”, I ask and he nods his head. “Well, we both had a little bit too much to drink and I knew Ryan had a big crush on me, and I guess I started flirting with him a little but I never intended for it to go any further.” “But it did?”, he asks me and I can see his eyes starting to water. “He forced himself onto me. I didn’t want to and I certainly didn’t give him any consent but that didn’t stop him.” “That ass. Why didn’t you tell me?” “I was afraid. I knew how you would react and I didn’t want you to cause a scene. Not when we only had two months left of high school. I wasn’t going to let you mess that up for yourself”, I tell him as I look up to meet his eyes.

“I didn’t get my period and I started to get worried. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I just panicked. I didn’t know what to do.” “You could have told me.” “No, I couldn’t. I don’t know why but I really couldn’t. I was about to turn 18 so foster care was about to through me out and because I didn’t have any other family, I ended up hiding it. But I knew I couldn’t do that if I stayed with you”, I say before taking a deep breath in preparation of what I’m about to say next.

“So, I left. I started college like I planned, but it went wrong rather quickly. Once they found out I was pregnant they took away my scholarship, which meant that I didn’t have enough money to continue. That’s when I went to a doctor to talk about it all. I thought about abortion long and hard but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t destroy a life that hadn’t even started yet. So I went through with it. I always told myself that this twist of faith was meant to happen.” “So, you went through your pregnancy without any help or support?” “Basically, yes. I found a job as a waitress and looked for a little apartment that I could afford with my small income. I wanted to have everything kind of figured out before the baby came.” “Did you know the gender?”, he asks me as he looks at my stomach. It’s obvious he’s trying to wrap his head around the whole idea.

“I didn’t really want to know. I already had enough to deal with so I kind of never questioned it”, I answer his question before he nods his head in understanding. “The day she was born was the scariest day of my life.” “She?” “Yes, my little girl, Zuzu. She’s turning 5 next week”, I tell him and I can see his mouth drop open. “She’s a beautiful little girl, and she’s incredibly sweet. She’s not even 5 years old and she already knows what real kindness is. She’s my little girl and I love her so incredibly much.” A few tears roll down my cheeks as I think about my little peanut.

“Then why were you ready to end it? Why did you want to live your little girl behind?”, he asks me and I just burst out in tears again. “Because I hit her! I hit her! I always promised myself that if I ever had kids, I wouldn’t make the same mistake my parents made!” “It’s okay Lena, just calm down”, I hear Nick say but his words get lost in my mind. “Why did you do it?”, he calmly asks as he places his hand on top of mine again. “I don’t know. I didn’t mean to. I am currently working two jobs, I’m not sleeping and I’m a full-time mother. I got so stressed out that I snapped. I know that’s not an excuse, I know that darn well. I can’t believe I hurt her”, I finish. I immediately feel two arms wrap around my body, embracing me into a tight embrace. I sob against his chest. His familiar and comfortable embrace allows me to actually let everything out, everything that I’ve been holding in for than five years.

After what feels like forever, I feel myself calm down a bit. Carefully, I get out of his arms and wipe away my remaining tears. “Where’s Zuzu now?”, he asks me, his face so close that I can feel his warm breath brushing against my cheek. “At school”, I tell him before he quickly looks down at his watch. “It’s almost four o’clock. Shouldn’t you be on your way to pick her up?” “I should…” “But?” “But I bet she doesn’t even want to come home with me anymore.” “Of course she will. You’re her mother and I’m sure she’ll forgive you”, he says but I shake my head horizontally. ”She won’t because she knows that my situation is not going to change anytime soon”, I tell him as I look down.

All of a sudden, a warm hand surrounds my cheek and lifts my head back up. His brown eyes meet my navy-blue ones. “Maybe it can change”, he says, a hint a mystery in his voice. “How?”, I ask him quietly but before I can even take a breath, I feel his lips connecting with mine. It’s an emotional kiss, filled with passion and longing. I can feel he missed me too.

“We will figure something out”, he says after he backs away from my lips. “We?”, I ask him confused in disbelief. “Yes, we. We’ll figure it out together.”