Priority

I sighed as I looked around the baggage claim. I guess she really wasn't coming. I wasn’t too surprised after the last fight we had, but I still thought she would come to welcome me back. After all, she was my wife and I’d been gone for months. I tried calling her, but it went to voicemail.

I resigned myself to the fact that I’d have to take a cab home. It would be a little expensive, but I guess that was part of her revenge. I wish Nora could understand my point of view. My job had to be my priority right now. Did she really think I was working this hard just to neglect her? I knew she missed me, and I knew it was hard for her to be alone like this all the time, but it was hard for me too. I was doing this for us.

The bright yellow cab practically glowed in the darkness. I told the driver where I was going and he gave a brief grunt before pulling off. Good, he wasn’t a talker. I knew I’d have plenty of talking to do when I got home. Well, more like arguing than “talking.” When was the last time Nora and I didn't argue? I guess it was before the promotion. Times like this made me wonder if it was even worth it. 

The money was great, and I got to travel a lot, but it was really putting a strain on our relationship with me going away for months at a time. The company wouldn’t pay for her to travel around with me, and I couldn’t really afford to bring her. I knew she hated being alone. Nora wasn’t very social, she didn’t make friends easily. The few people she did love she loved with all her heart, but they were dwindling every day.

Most of her friends had moved away as they began their own families, the last few that stayed around were always busy working. Her mother died last year, and now I was gone for work all the time. I understood why she was upset, she felt like I was abandoning her, but that wasn’t it. 

Nora wanted a family more than anything, and I did too. We wanted to move somewhere better, to give our future kids a good life. To give them a good life we needed money, and to get the money it meant I had to work hard. Nora’s secretary job wasn’t exactly “high-paying” and she was only part-time anyway. It would just be for a couple years until my position was more established, then I could adjust my schedule more. Why couldn’t she be patient? 

The cab slowed down as it reached my street. The cabbie glanced at me in the rearview mirror.

“Which one?” He asked.

“Here is fine,” I said, pulling out the cash. “Keep the change.”

He made another brief grunt as I got out and grabbed my luggage from the trunk. He pulled away, the red tail lights faded into the distance. I looked at the house, it was dark. I tried to call her again, but it went to voicemail.  I checked my watch, almost midnight. 

When these trips first started she would always be waiting for me at the airport, eager to kiss me and catch me up on what had happened. There were a couple times that we fought and she didn’t come to get me, but she would still be waiting up for me at home. She’d huff and pout a bit before giving in and forgiving me. After all, who knew when I’d have to go again? 

I knew the traveling didn’t bother her, it was the loneliness. In the beginning, I told her to message me whenever she felt lonely, that I’d respond when I could. At first, it wasn’t too bad, a few messages here and there, but the last couple of trips my phone was full of her messages. It bordered on being annoying. I never used to mind her messages, but after working all day the last thing I wanted was to read a novel about her loneliness. I wasn’t responding as frequently as I used to, and eventually, she stopped messaging so much. This time she barely messaged at all. Staring into the dark windows of the house it looked like she’d finally given up on me.

There was a disappointment in knowing this. I opened the door, the air was cold and silent. I didn’t even smell the faint scent of food. Did she even bother cooking today? Did she even eat? How long had she been waiting on me before she finally gave up? How many lonely nights had she laid there waiting for me to respond? How many times had she come home to an empty house and a cold bed? How many times has she been my second priority?

That was really the issue. Somewhere along the line, she became a second priority to me. I made her second. My heart hurt as I realized this. We put off moving, put off having a family, put off time together, just so I could make enough money to do all those things. The money didn’t matter though. Nora mattered. 

Screw it, we could stay in this city, it wasn’t a bad town. The people were friendly, the schools were okay.  We’d put off kids long enough, neither of us was getting any younger and we’d wanted them forever. We could try this year, and when she finally got pregnant I’d explain to my boss that I needed to be home for her. I might lose the promotion, but I was valuable enough that I didn’t think they’d fire me. Even if they did, so what? I could get another job. The money would be tight, but we’d make it work, we always did before. If I had Nora with me, then I knew we could overcome anything. Even this stupid fight.

I hurried to the bedroom. It was dark. I saw her lying in bed. She didn’t move as I opened the door, I guess she was fast asleep. I doubted waking her would put her in a better mood, but I didn’t care. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to tell her she was my top priority and I would never forget that again. I climbed into bed and shook her gently.

“Nora, Nora, wake up,” I said softly. “I have something to tell you.”

She didn’t move. I sighed, was she really sleeping that well or was she just ignoring me? I shook her again.

“Nora, please,” I begged. “I know you’re mad, but I promise things are going to get better, and soon. So please, look at me?”

She didn’t say anything. I gave a frustrated sigh and shoved her shoulder, as I did her arm fell off the edge of the bed. I heard something fall to the floor. I paused a moment, she still wasn’t moving.

My body felt heavy as I stood up and walked around the bed to her side. On the floor was a small, dark cylinder. I picked it up. Sleeping pills. Empty. My heart sank. I knelt by the bed and shook her again, more forcefully.

“Nora! Nora!”

She never moved. I grabbed her wrist, I felt nothing. I pressed my ear to her chest, silence. Tears welled up in my eyes and dripped onto her nightdress. Dark puddles grew slowly across the white fabric. I reached out and stroked her cheek. 

“Honey, I’m home,” I whispered desperately.

She didn’t move.