Waiting worth a million bucks.

...Everything that is around us has a certain point of origin, from where it takes a path leading to various changes in its basic mould of existence. Such are human beings too. We are born in a certain way and then eventually begin to adapt to our circumstances. It’s what Darwin called evolution, the survival of the fittest. We shed some characteristics and borrow some throughout our journey because that’s what survival requires of us; to evolve to our best version. So we thrive. But our core self stays intact. The few things we are born with and no matter what we cannot defy it, like our basic instincts. Through time and research, it has assumed several names but I personally feel like it’s a chip our maker placed in everyone of us, at the back of our neck, right under our hairline, making us distinguishable from the rest of the population. Something that makes us who we are. Something that makes us thrive a little differently from one another. Something that makes us unique. Let no one tell you different. Let no one tell you that being different is unacceptable just because it doesn’t sit right with them. It’s not supposed to as it's not their struggle. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. So repeat after me, “I’m unique and I’m proud of it.”

Tanya took the headphones out of her ears, took a deep breath, shut her eyes tight, and started repeating the quotation from the podcast, under her breath like an incantation. Motivational speeches have always been her go-to whenever in a puddle but today she needed them to justify her actions. She needed at least someone to say that whatever she was doing was the right thing to do or even if it wasn't entirely right, she hoped it wasn’t entirely wrong either. She clutched her knees to stop from shaking vigorously while repeating her incantation. She was so submerged that her surroundings eluded her.

Her trance was finally interrupted by the announcement, "All the flights have been delayed until further notification, due to heavy rain. Please remain calm and seated. We apologize for the inconvenience." 

"Great!" she uttered in absolute discontentment.

"Well, wise men say that everything happens for a reason; if it's any consolation to you." said the man sitting left to her, whom she barely noticed until now.

"Excuse me!" she frowned, looking at him taken aback. 

"Smith. Daniel Smith, 007." he chuckled squinting his left eye and to which Tanya presented her utter disinterest by raising her eyebrows and pressing her lips together.

"Sorry, that was a bad joke. I assure you that I'm not a creep. Just noticed that you were tensed about something so… wanted to cheer you up." he said with an apologetic smile.

Tanya evaded the conversation and went back to her mind palace. Nothing mattered to her today. The heavy rain outside, the chaos surrounding her, the infant crying relentlessly behind her, the constant raving of the aged man about the flight delay over phone. Nothing. She sat there at the waiting lounge with her head stooped and eyes shut, thinking about what curve ball life can throw at us when we expect it the least.

Eleven months ago today she turned twenty-nine. Tanya Rodriguez has always been a lot of firsts in her family. The first one to study culinary arts in the family whose primary source of income revolved around pisciculture since generations, the first one to study it abroad, the first one to not get married by twenty-five of age, the first one to be so successful, one of the most renowned sous chefs of the country. In a country like India, where still in many parts women are forcefully confined to the kitchen with utensils as cage bars, she made it her territory and weapons. Eleven months ago she  could've never thought that she'd be here. Eleven months ago, she was in the ninth cloud. She'd achieved what she'd hoped for, she'd received recognition nationally as well internationally. She couldn't ask for anything more. But then something happened. She found out what thirteen shots of vodka can do to a disciplined and always-on-the-top-her-game person. Actually, she found out the next morning, on a strange bed, with her head spinning like a ferris wheel. While she sat up trying to get down, a girl came out of the washroom with her hair soaked, smelling like lavender.

Sameera hurried towards her with the towel loosely hanging from her hair. "Don't get up. You were way out of your tolerance yesterday. Threw up in the washroom and passed out. So I brought you to my flat. Rest. I'll make you coffee."

The first reaction that Tanya had after this brief encounter with a stranger was to reach out to her wallet. Sameera noticed it from the corner of her eye while leaving the room and said, "There's nothing missing. You can check all you want.", and left. 

There was really nothing missing. Tanya sighed with relief and went to the washroom to have her hair combed and leave. As soon as she stepped out, she found Sameera put down a cup of coffee on the side-table. Even with that massive discomfort inside her head, she was sharp. She noticed Sameera's nervous tics. Before she could opt out of falling into a sad-story scam of a bar waitress, Sameera blurted out, "We kissed.", gulped a glass of water to soothe her dry throat and then continued, "It happened out of the blue. You asked me to take you to the washroom and there you just leaned towards me and kissed me. Then you threw up followed by passing out. I know that you probably don't believe me as you've no recollection of yesterday's events and it may very well be a mistake in your books and that's okay but still I wanted you to know."

For a minute Tanya stood there dumbfounded with her jaws dropped as if she heard a dead man talk as Sameera eagerly waited for a reply. And then she grabbed her purse and exited her flat in haste. The next thing she knew was she was at a cafe. She didn't know how much time she spent there before ordering a shot of espresso. For the following couple of days Tanya couldn't stop going over that night in her mind. She incessantly tried to remember it. The thing that frightened her the most wasn't that she kissed a girl, rather it was that it didn't feel wrong. It didn't feel how it was supposed to feel. 

The following week Tanya found herself gathering enough courage to go to that bar again. She saw Sameera waiting at a table and she left her cell number with another waitress to give it to Sameera. That night around 2am, she received a call. It was Sameera. Tanya had never felt so nervous. It was like exploring a hidden territory inside of her, which was always there but just out of her sight. It was the most amazing and heartfelt conversation she ever had. They spoke for four hours at a stretch and after the call was disconnected, she had never felt happier. 

Ten months had passed of her being with Sameera and everything made sense. Every single time her relationships would feel estranged, everytime a man's arms didn't feel like home, everytime a man's lips into hers made her feel like she didn't belong, made sense. With Sameera, she was a Phoenix rising above the clouds reaching for the contentment she'd ever only dreamt of. With Sameera, her love spread like forest fire burning the chaos of doubt and fear. With her, she was free. And there she was the first woman in her family to have fallen in love with another woman. How amazing it felt to just say it out loud every single day! But then there was the conservative family. 

Everytime Tanya would practice her speech of coming out to her family, she'd go blank in front of them. The words would choke in her throat and after a second, would vanish leaving her gasping for breath. After spending days and nights for a solution, she decided to take on the offer she had received last year from one of her classmates who'd opened a restaurant in Venice and wanted her to join as the sous chef there which she refused at the time but now decided to finally take it and have a life with Sameera there without her family's knowledge. Sameera who was an orphan just making the ends meet although didn't fully agree with Tanya's idea of hiding her sexual orientation from her family, finally decided to go with her halfheartedly.

Today Tanya with her passport in her hands is sitting at the airport waiting lounge waiting for her flight to Venice to finalize her deal but something seemed off. She was suddenly homesick. Somehow the idea of hiding away from her family to live a life that she belonged to didn't seem as comforting as she imagined. 

Suddenly she realized that the rain had stopped. She looked around her and the man who introduced himself as Daniel earlier sat there with headphones on. 

"What are you listening to?" she asked, trying to escape her doubts.

"Sorry?" he removed his headphones from his ears and looked at her.

"I asked what you're listening to." Tanya replied with a faint smile. 

"Coldplay. One of my favourites. Do you like 'em? That was silly. I mean who doesn't, right?" he said smiling.

He began to say something but was interrupted by another announcement for the check-in for the flight to Venice.

Daniel looked at his watch and sighed, "Well that's my cue. Been waiting too long to see my man. After struggling so hard for months for my parents' approval and then when they finally accepted it, I'm late for my own wedding."

Tanya looked at him surprised. She was speechless. Daniel rose to leave, looked at her and said, " Whatever it's worth, it's gonna work out for the better. It always does. Goodbye". 

She looked at Daniel as he exited the lounge and smiled to herself, then took her handbag and left behind Daniel but to the airport exit gate. As she exited the gate, she could faintly hear her name in an announcement. 

She finally found what she was waiting for, hope.