10 AM

Message One. Left at 4PM, September 7th.

Hi, sweetheart! Umm…surprise (nervous laughter) yeah. I’m so sorry. You’ve probably been sweating bullets all day wondering about me. It wasn’t my intention to abandon you like this. I wish I could’ve told you earlier than now, but, what can I say, your proposal tripped me up mentally. (laughter) Anyways, this doesn’t change anything with us, honest! Again, I am so utterly sorry about this situation. I simply couldn’t not show up for this business trip. Sadly, it is quite important. The last thing I want is for us to have a start at this journey of ours without the security to ensure it can run smoothly. I know you are probably thinking that you would’ve gone and found yourself work if I were to skip out on this trip, but I know how dramatic you can be. You would’ve just blamed yourself for me getting the boot and let it all send you into a depressive stupor. I couldn’t let that happen to you. I trust you understand. God, I wish I didn’t have to do this to you. It really was just such an unfortunate coincidence you making such a commitment to me around such a moment. If I had it my way, this whole thing would’ve been rescheduled so we could get our life off the ground good and proper. I think you and I both know though, that such a thing is sadly rarely the case. So, yes, if you’re wondering where I’m at now, it’s in a hotel at Hillside, New Jersey. My sister, you know, the “unintentionally eccentric” one (laughter) yeah, she offered me her new place at Elizabeth. It is closer to the airport, but I didn’t want to trouble her with the stay. Plus, I’ve told you before, I love her to death, and I know it’s not her aim, but I swear, she drives me up a wall some days. I’m already pissed about this ordeal, I don’t need her to add salt to this. So yeah, I’m going to be caught up here for the weekend. I promise though, it’s only for my work. As soon as this bullshit is through, I’m going home to you. Sunday, I should be free. I know how terrible this looks, but I swear on my grandpa’s grave that this is the truth. I just didn’t have the memory or time to tell you about this sooner. (laughter) Oh, God, sweetheart, I’m just...I can’t begin to imagine how angry you are with me for this. I swear, I would’ve told you this in advance if my brain was working. (laughter) What a mess…anyhow, yeah, I’m stuck at this hotel for the next two days. Checked in about an hour ago. I would’ve called or left a message to you sooner, but the jet lag was a bitch to me. I needed a goddamn nap. (laughter) God, this fucking job. I don’t know why I’m still here, to be frank with you. I lost most of my patience with this accounting crap long ago. But..it does pay a good deal, which helps being in California, and I’m unfortunately good at my job. (laughter) If we’re going to be with each other, I want to allow us to get good things for ourselves. Have a nice place to live, get some good grub, all that nice shit to show my mother up about my life choices. (laughter) And yes, sweetheart, for you, too, of course. I know that you probably don’t care a great deal about that kind of living, but…I just want this for us. I want you to be happy, sweetheart. Don’t worry about me doing this, either. I’m bitching about it, yes because of this stupid inconvenient trip, but I’ve been doing so for a good bit. However, I can handle it all, at the end of the day. It’s nothing I can’t manage, especially with you around. You’re going to still talk me out of it, I know, but my mind is made. At least until this place does something to really make me mad. (laughter) Now I can just see you dreaming of that moment. I’ll be honest, a part of me will be too. (laughter) All this ranting has got me fucking starving now. Better get me something to eat before I punch something out in this room. I promise, sweetheart, this is all just a dumb business trip, and once it’s done, I’ll be back and you can yell at me all you want for this. I probably deserve it. (laughter) I wish I could’ve told you all this. Gave you a heads up. I just feel like such a selfish bitch now. I can hear you telling me that I shouldn’t feel that way about this thing, but I do because I left you in the dark. It won’t be this way with us. I promise. With all my heart, I promise. Try to have a nice day and weekend, sweetheart. I’ll see you again as soon as I can. (kissing sound) Take care. Beep 

Message Two. Left at 1:15 PM, September 9th. 

Heyyy, sweetheart. I hope you’re doing okay. Sorry if I sound a bit, umm…like shit. (laughter) You know that conference I attended yesterday that I had texted you about in greater detail? The one that started this whole escapade in the first place? Well, my fucking body decided it wanted to be sick today. I swear to fucking God, this weekend…it’s nothing serious. I went to the hospital early this morning, because I woke up and so much was aching. I was scared about what I had, and so I rushed to the nearest hospital as quick as I could. It’s just a bad flu, thank the Lord. However, this is where…(coughing) sorry, this is where the bad news comes in. I’m so sorry, baby, I don’t know if I can go to the airport and fly back home today. I’m just bad with this right now. I think I need to take today to get over this pesky sickness. Thank God I booked this hotel for as long as I did. (mellow laughter) I wanted a comfortable cushion in case something like this happened over the weekend. My goddamn luck. Anyway, I don’t mean to stress you out with this, sweetheart, I just wanted to give you the heads up about this unfortunate development. I did want to come back to you so bad today. I told myself Saturday evening that today would be a glorious odyssey away from this filthy city. Back to my new husband. Then this fucking bitch ass flu had other ideas. And no, do not text me today about how me getting vaccinated for this thing months ago caused this mess. (mellow laughter) (coughing) More likely than not, some asshole at that conference gave this to me. Maybe it was my cab driver. He was yapping nonstop to me. I didn’t want to be rude and shut him up. He was nice, but…quite annoying. (mellow laughter) Next time, I’m taking public transportation. So, yes, I’m going to be here a little longer than I thought. I’ll be fine, sweetheart. This just….sucks. I should just tough it out and go to the airport. I know that. I’m so weak and puny. (coughing) God, now I’m debating if I should just ...it's not like I have cancer. This aching is just…fuck. I..I am sorry. I’ve never stopped being sorry for anything since Friday. (mellow laughter) Yet, you still want me. Despite all this bullshit I’ve made you go through, you’ve been such a champ for me. Now I’m just being an ass. I was debating having my sister drive me…but I tried to reach her and she hasn’t picked up. I don’t know what’s going on with her. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Just wait a little longer for me. I know it’s asking so much, but…I can’t. You know what? Fuck it. I will. I’m going home. I don’t care. I’m heading to the airport, baby. I don’t care. I’ll see you soon. (coughing) Take care of yourself. I should be home later tonight. Beep 

Message Three. Left at 2:50 PM, September 9th.

Oh, God, baby. I can’t imagine what you’ve been thinking. (coughing) I’m sorry I haven’t been responding. I’ve only gotten to read your texts now. My sister…she had a bad seizure. Brice Medical called in to me, and said they pulled her into the emergency room. Thank God her friend, Grant, was with her. He apparently called in as soon as he could, and the paramedics were able to get her out. I’m sorry…I’ve just been so freaked out. I’m at the Medical Center now with my sister. They have her in a stable state, but I think I need to stay with her until I know that she’s okay. The doctors want to just monitor her for now. God, of all the times for her to have one of these episodes. I’m sorry, I couldn’t just leave her alone. I’m going to be with her as long as I need to, or can. Grant said that if it lasts longer than today, that I could stay over at his place. It was kind of him to offer. If it gets that bad, I’ll just get another hotel for the night. Grant tried to get me to just go to the airport once they got her to a “comfortable” state. My sister told him about our proposal, since I told her. Yes, (coughing) I know it was supposed to be just us, and then a surprise once we announced the wedding, but she’s my best friend. I couldn’t not tell her about it. Grant just wanted me to not worry and go home to you. Let him worry about her. I told him though that I couldn’t go. I just want to be here with her. I know there’s not a lot I can do, but I just want to be with her. I hope you understand, it’s just…I know she’ll probably be okay, but…I can’t leave her alone. She means a lot to me. We may not be as close anymore but, I still can’t abandon her. And no, sweetheart, I’m not choosing favorites here. It’s just…she’s family. I know you understand. You always do. God, I’m sorry for this. This day has been so fucked. I’ll be in close touch with you through this, baby. I promise. All this to say, I can’t get home today. I’d love nothing more now, trust me. Once I can see my sister is walking and talking okay, I’m coming back. I’ll let you know once anything changes. Stay safe, baby. Beep

Message Four. Left at 9:15 PM, September 10th.

Hiii, baby! So, fantastic news! My sister is okay! Yes, she got the all clear from the doctors about 30 minutes ago! I’m so goddamn relieved! If you couldn’t tell by my more, refined voice, I’m feeling much better today too! That being said, I’ve already paid for a hotel stay tonight, and I want to get as much mileage out of it as I can. I just thought it would take a bit longer, and I just got the stay to be safe. I’m really regretting it now. (laughter) Hell, I probably would’ve done it anyway. Sorry, but I hate going off to and from places super late at night, unless I absolutely have to. With that said, I swear on everything that is holy, I’m coming home tomorrow. No ifs, ands, or buts. I’ll tell my work it’s a sick day for me tomorrow, but I will come home. I want you. More than anything right now. This weekend has been a dreadful slog, and I just want it over. I don’t care if a meteor hits this damn city today, I’m getting on that plane tomorrow back to San Francisco. Then, we can shoot the shit about how horrible this affair has been for both of us. (laughter) I promise, tomorrow, early in the morning, I’m boarding a flight straight home. I can’t wait to get back to you, sweetheart. I know that you can’t, either. (laughter) I’m sorry to have to make you once again do so. Your family is going to gut me alive for all this crap. Ughh, your folks. (laughter) No offense, baby. I’m aware that mine aren’t much better. This trip itself couldn’t be helped, but I’m well clear of the fact that I could’ve just come back on Sunday or today. I’m sure they’ll remind me quite frequently of that. Not that I don’t feel bad about it, but I don’t need their help. (laughter) Ah, well, you’ve been incredible through this. I couldn’t have been as okay as I am today if you hadn’t taken all this crap with my sister so well. Thank you for being such a trooper for this whole thing. It’s about time to reap the reward for such patience (laughter) I’m coming home tomorrow. Cross my heart. Have a good night, sweetheart. (kissing sound) Stay safe till I get back. Beep

Message Five. Left at 7:45 AM, September 11th.

Hi, sweetheart! I know it’s early, but I wanted to give you a concrete heads up that I’m here at Newark International! I’m waiting for my flight now, but I wanted to tell you so that you don’t lose sleep again over whether I’m actually coming back or not! (laughter) I’m aware it’s become excruciatingly repetitive on your end. I’m here though. I forgot how ugly this place is. (laughter) New Jersey in general does not appeal to the eyes. Although maybe my eyes have just been spoiled. God, after all this nonsense, I’m so eager to just fly away from here. Anyway, I just wanted to give that heads up for you. I’ll text you as soon as we board and our plane takes off. I’ll shoot you a call once we’re approaching San Francisco International. Just sit tight for a couple more hours, baby! Let me know if anything comes up over there! Talk to you in a bit! Beep

Message Six. Left at 10 AM. September 11th.

(crackling audio) (heavy breathing) Baby…I…I know it seems too soon to be…calling…but I…I don’t know how much longer I have. I don’t…I don’t think I’ll be coming home. (sniffling, heavy breathing) Something is…happening up front. I heard some banging…the plane…it’s…Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t know why this is happening. I just wanted to come to you. No matter what’s going on or what you see, (sniffling) take care of yourself. Don’t….don’t give up. I…I love you….I love you. I love you…Beep

This piece is written in respectful memory of the 40 victims killed aboard United Airlines Flight 93 on September 11th, as well as the 2,977 other victims on United Airlines Flight 175, American Airlines Flight 11, American Airlines Flight 77, and all responders and civillians killed around the Twin Towers that were hit.