Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

Submitted into Contest #46 in response to: Write a story about an author who has just published a book.... view prompt

84 comments

General

‘Mama’s decisive girl,’ her mother used to say. ‘You got it from your daddy. A tenacious soul he was.’ It was her daddy’s dream, after all, to see her become a writer, but God willingly, both of them left her early, too early thought Rosé. A tear streamed down her face, then another. Quickly, she wiped them away.


It was when the clock struck twelve that Rosé realized it was the meeting day with Mr. Danniell. Grabbing the essential documents, she hurried down the staircase straight into the car. The hippocampus in her brain kept indicating something. Something was missing. Rummaging through her bag she realized, her book…her book wasn’t in there. Getting out of her Mitsubishi Mirage she started to run. Her heels got tangled in the vines in her courtyard and she fell. Owww was all she could say. Her brand new vintage dress from Chanel had been ruined! Not only was it torn from all over her knee cap, but there were scarlet spots all over it too. To her horror, it was…blood!


Back at home again, her iPhone rang. On the other end was someone with a deep, crisp voice. Rosé didn’t recognize him. Halfway through the conversation, she had an epiphany on who it was. It was none other than Mr. Danniell, of course. But before she could confirm it, the call got disconnected. As far as her memory recalled, he had said something about delaying in the meeting. She smiled.


                            ******

2 days later...


It was the day! Throwing away the covers, Rosé bounced off her bed, cheery as ever. She ate fluffy pancakes, topped with rich cream for breakfast. After getting all freshened up, she sat in front of her brand new vanity table from IKEA. While doing her makeup from the Maybelline kit, she hummed;


 The morning bright,

With rosy light,

Hath waked me from my sleep;

Father, I own 

Thy love alone

Thy little one doth keep.


All through the day,

I humbly pray,

Be Thou my Guard and Guide;

My sins forgive,

And let me live,

Blest Jesus, near Thy side.


                                ******


The event had begun only minutes ago, but it felt like hours had passed. Rosé scanned the crowd for any familiar faces and to her surprise, she saw him. The bully of her high school class, Orion was amongst the crowd too. His teeth crooked, the shirt he wore beneath his suit, unironed. Along with feeling hatred, Rosé felt piteous for him too. The poor boy was an orphan; he lost his parents way before Rosé did, almost at kindergarten. She decided to talk to him once the event was over. Even though Rosé didn’t like him, one lesson out of many others at school had taught her that no matter how bad the person was, deep down inside they, themselves needed someone to talk too, needed someone to share their loss with.

******


“Ladies and gentlemen,” began Mr. Danniell. “Welcome to the 50th book event of our prestigious company. Your presence here is highly appreciated. Let us begin with the event.”


Rosé loved how crispy his accent was; his r’s and p’s rolled the same way here as they did with her, back on the phone.


The ceremony was taking place in chronological order. This meant Orion was to go before her up on the stage and there lied the slightest possibility that he would see her and recognize her. Fingers crossed Rosé hoped, he didn’t.


Once her name was announced her hands began to tremble, her heart was pounding furiously against her chest, and she started to sweat profusely. Never before this moment had Rosé realized that she had never been up on a stage. 

******


After tremendous efforts, she began. “Good Morning,” soon after she realized that her voice was shaky. Nevertheless, she continued. “While writing and then finally publishing my book, never even for once did I realize that it would be such a huge hit. Never did I realize that I would be here, celebrating my success without my role models, my parents. Even though I admit that it required a lot of hard work, from my side, but it wouldn’t have been possible without you all either. So this award right here is firstly dedicated to my parents. May they rest in peace. Amen.” She paused and was well aware of thousands of pairs of eyes staring hard at her, waiting for her to continue but she waited…until Mr. Danniell patted her on the small of her back. Finally, she found her voice back and continued. “This award, above all, is for you people and finally for Mr. Danniell, who has been a backbone throughout this project. Thank you, hasta la Proxima viz!”


She ran through the aisle, amongst hooting and never-ending claps back to her seat. To her surprise, instead of the grumpy girl with purple hair beside her sat Orion.


                            ******


He had changed quite a bit. Rosé had to admit a handsome man, he had become. Instead of the crooked teeth, she saw a bright, happy smile. A genuine one. The bully in him was nowhere to be found, there, in front of her sat someone she would love to become friends with. “You were g-great up th-there,” he smiled again.

A stutter? Rosé didn’t recall him having a stutter back then. But then again, she never really talked to him. What if, it was him who was the victim all along but was painted as the bully? A tear streamed down, then another. Rosé hated herself for judging him. Now was the time to befriend him. Without giving a second thought, she offered her hand which Orion accepted gladly. What an end to the bitter enmity and beginning of a new friendship, thought Rosé.


                          ******


Back at her home, she reminisced her day. Such a tiring day it had been but the fruit had been sweet too! She opened to read her book,

“Blood, sweat, and tears ...” It said.




June 13, 2020 09:39

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84 comments

Katharine Tierney
14:28 Jun 22, 2020

Great and interesting story. I agree with some of the other comments that there are some correctable grammatical errors, and a bit more back story about the bully who wasn't would be good. Over all, it was a nicely imagined tale.

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Batool Hussain
14:36 Jun 22, 2020

Thank you for the feedback:)

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Huma Fatima
07:29 Jun 22, 2020

Amazing story ❣

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Batool Hussain
07:46 Jun 22, 2020

Thank you so much:D

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Kathleen March
16:25 Jun 21, 2020

It was her daddy’s dream, after all, to see her become a writer, but God willingly, both of them left her early, too early thought Rosé. = willingly not correctly used. brand new vintage dress = vintage means old, which can' be brand new deep, crisp voice = hard to be both Rosé felt piteous for him = felt pity chronological order? hasta la Proxima viz!” - hasta la próxima (vez) she reminisced her day - thought about her day I picked out a few examples of word usage. If English is not your first language, I want to com...

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Batool Hussain
16:29 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you so much Kathleen! Your feedback is much appreciated. And yes, English isn't my first language. I'm trying to be good at it. And whom, in your opinion can I ask to proofread? Anyone on Reedsy in particular?

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Kathleen March
16:40 Jun 21, 2020

Do not be discouraged! I taught college Spanish and am aware of the challenges of another language, especially if I am not working in English. Actually, sometimes a foreign language allows us to express things we might not want to write in our first language. That said, you can ask anybody, but do you have contacts outside Reedsy? That might be easier. Just e mail them and ask.

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Batool Hussain
16:56 Jun 21, 2020

Thanks for lifting up my spirits😊 Stay safe:)

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Roshna Rusiniya
13:18 Jun 21, 2020

This is such a cute story. Good job!

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Batool Hussain
13:23 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Denise Brown
08:35 Jun 21, 2020

Hi, I'm new to the Reedsy blog too! It looks like fun 😁 I'm interested that you've got so many really helpful comments on your story - well done! It's great to get the feedback. Can I ask how you managed to get so much feedback, being the new kid on the block, I'm just finding my way around! I like your story - it's got very good bones. I particularly like the points of nostalgia about Rose's parents and the boy from school. I like Rose's compassion and authenticity. The points from other writers below give you comments on grammar...

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Batool Hussain
10:23 Jun 21, 2020

Hello Denise! I was busy with my recent story which I have posted. You can check it out:) As for your queries, I liked and commented on a lot of people's stories thus gaining more karma points and more feedback, of course. Thank you so very much for liking my story. I really like the pointers you've mentioned above. Looking forward to reading your stories too. Take care:)

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Arya Preston
02:59 Jun 21, 2020

I really like the flow of this story, it wrapped up nicely with Rose and Orion beginning a new friendship! I would suggest excluding brand names, in particular, they're quite distracting and tend to snap readers out of your story as the brand is not the detail that makes an object interesting if you get what I mean. I think if you had described her emotions in a few places rather than stating an action, it would provide more depth to your characters and make them more human - other than that, it was great! :)

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Batool Hussain
06:17 Jun 21, 2020

Thanks for your feedback:)

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Nichole Kaye
22:30 Jun 20, 2020

Nice story! I loved the way it started!

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Batool Hussain
06:17 Jun 21, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Kelly Vavala
18:02 Jun 20, 2020

Nice story! Held my interest! Would you mind giving mine a read as well?

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Batool Hussain
18:29 Jun 20, 2020

Thank you! And, of course:)

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Ken Coomes
21:52 Jun 24, 2020

Interesting story, nice human touch at the end, and not really expected until near the end. To use words from Stephen King, the bones of the story are good. And I went from being distracted by the use of Rose (I don't know how to add the accent mark over the 'e') like the wine to accepting it as another instance of a creative name. Once you apply a little more "blood, sweat, and tears" to details that are easy to fix, I think you'll be writing at the next level. Looking forward to more from you.

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Batool Hussain
05:23 Jun 25, 2020

Thank you for the feedback=)

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Batool Hussain
05:25 Jun 25, 2020

I'll be really grateful if you give your views on my other pieces too! :)

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Ken Coomes
13:13 Jun 25, 2020

I'll try to take a look, but it seems I have gotten busier than ever since the pandemic hit. As a Toastmaster, writer, husband, father, grandfather, and "techie" helping friends and family make use of Zoom and Skype; not as a doctor, nurse, or first responder.

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Batool Hussain
13:51 Jun 25, 2020

Okay, take your time! Btw, thanks for your feedback on my other story:)

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Ken Coomes
17:04 Jun 25, 2020

To adapt a pandemic phrase to writing, "We're all in this together." I believe every writer can use feedback and encouragement from other writers, and readers. Any suggestions you have for any of my stories will be greatly appreciated.

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Batool Hussain
17:08 Jun 25, 2020

=) I'll see your stories in a while if you don't mind. Though, I doubt they would be requiring any suggestions from a new and young writer like me! ^_^

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Imane Sah.
16:47 Jun 28, 2020

OMG! it's really good. I like that -BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS- Keep going....

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Batool Hussain
16:56 Jun 28, 2020

Thank you🌸 Mind checking my recent story 'You and the train?'🙃 Thanks.

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Imane Sah.
16:59 Jun 28, 2020

I saw it. It is also great. GOOD JOB..... 💜💜💜

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Batool Hussain
17:00 Jun 28, 2020

Thankyou🌸🌸

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Rodrigo Juatco
07:42 Jun 26, 2020

You have a very keen sense for detail. It was like I was there with Rose, experiencing along side with her. Also, your writing has a very good flow and movement. As a screenwriter, I appreciate that. It is a very good skill to have. Enjoyed your piece very much. Thank you for sharing your story.

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Batool Hussain
07:44 Jun 26, 2020

Aww, this comment is soo sweet! I'm so glad that you liked it. I will be really happy if you give your view on my other story 'You and the train' too. Thanks.

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Alice Greene
14:06 Jun 25, 2020

I loved it! Great story and very creative. Loads of details and nicely composed.

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Batool Hussain
14:08 Jun 25, 2020

Thankkk you:)

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Charles Stucker
13:35 Oct 05, 2020

lied is the past tense of lie when it means to deceive. When it means anything else. (lie down and sleep, etc.) the past tense is lay. Something to keep in mind- many people make the same mistake. This reads more like a vignette. A set of related scenes, but no story cycle of inciting moment, rising tension, climax. If you had concentrated on the issue of Orion, beginning with her at the event and seeing him, then flashing back to a scene from school, and finally having to overcome some obstacle instead of just shaking hands and it is al...

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