The Adventures Of Captain Dither: Origins

Captain Dither drove his truck up to the white warehouse in the middle of nowhere. He parked. He thought he was lost for a moment and rechecked the navigation on his phone. This was the right address, but Captain Dither could see no signs or markings identifying the address. Not even house numbers painted on the side of the building. “Oi!” He sighed, "Why couldn't people understand that addresses needed to be marked for delivery drivers to find them?"

He saw a metal door that might be an entrance for people. He got out of his truck and toted a long, rectangular, pink and white box with him. He pounded on the metal door and listened to the echo from within. He tapped his foot, anxious.

After 20 minutes, a tall, thin, man with short, dark, hair appeared. The man had a 5 O'clock shadow at 3 in the afternoon. Captain Dither was about to speak when the man silenced him with a finger to his lips. "SHHH!" The man hissed. He saw the donuts tucked under Captain Dither's arm. "Oh, Good!" The guy whispered, "you're the delivery man. You're in the right place. If you come in, I will show you where you can put those." The man pointed to the donuts. "You have to be quiet, though. We're recording a movie and our sound equipment is very sensitive. We want the actors' lines to be heard and nothing else. If you want, you can even stay and watch the taping. Please, be quiet, though." The Man paused. “If the movie does well, we might turn it into a TV series.”

Captain Dither grinned and agreed. He followed the man into the building. The hallway was darkened and there were wires, heavy cords, canisters, and barrels littered around the path. Captain Dither struggled to avoid tripping as he followed the man.

The man glanced back and noticed Captain Dither's issues. He slowed his normal brisk pace. "I'm Nick, by the way." He whispered in passing to Captain Dither. To be polite. "This is a small production company. The movie is called 'Super Sy!' He's a Superhero fighting for the safety of the universe."

Captain Dither listened as a courtesy. When he heard that the movie was about a Superhero, though, he perked his ears up. He thought it sounded cool. He was a fan of the old Batman series with Adam West. If this hero was anything like that, he'd be all over it.

Nick lead Captain Dither to a card table with an assortment of food. There was an orange box of chicken, bags of chips, carrots and celery sticks. “This is our snack table for the cast and crew to use to keep their energy up.” There was a large open space, on the table. "You can place those donuts there." Nick went off to supervise the shoot.

Captain Dither could see spotlights, boom mics, and cameras around an open area in the middle of the floor. Captain Dither approached the stage, after helping himself to some of the donuts that he just brought. No one was looking and he helped himself.

The stage was set up to look like a military installation. A purple, painted, woman in a blue, tight- fitted jumpsuit with a red stripe on the side, stood holding a plastic spacelike weapon of some sort stood by waiting for direction from the director. The purple woman also wore a purple headband with antenna bobbing back and forth.

Purple Lady chatted with a young looking girl with an orange shirt, dark blue jeans, and glasses. The girl with the orange shirt looked ready for a fight. Her costume included heavy yellow boxing gloves. The female director described the scene to be performed in hushed tones with the actors. Captain Dither munched and watched.

"All right, everyone.” The Director began. “Luscious, I want you to stand here." The lady director went and stood on a spot on the floor. The purple lady came over and exchanged places with the director. "Dr. Nick, is going to stand there." The director pointed to another spot on the floor and Nick went and stood in his assigned spot on the floor. Captain Dither thought that Nick only owned the studio, he didn't know that Nick was acting in the movie, too. Captain Dither got a few more donuts. The director went on explaining the scene. "Luscious is an alien pilot pulled from the spaceship Phoenix. The Phoenix has been on Earth for millennia, stuck in the Amber. The Pilot, Luscious, awoke to find herself being examined by Dr. Nick. She starts freaking out and tries to fight and defend herself." The director stepped out of the shot to sit in her chair. Captain Dither returned just in time to see the scene unfold. "Cameras... ready! Action!"

The house lights dimmed and spotlights illuminated the characters on stage.

-scene start-

"IF YOU THINK THAT I WILL JUST LAY BACK AND LET YOU EXPERIMENT ON ME, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!" Luscious screamed and waved her raygun to back up her threat.

"Please, calm down." Dr. Nick held his hands up in a 'surrender' gesture. "We don't want anyone to get hurt. Please-!"

A general burst into the room. She saluted Dr. Nick. "General Kekeboots, reporting for duty si-!" When she saw the alien about to fire, General Kekeboots drew her taser and fired on instinct. Luscious jerked and collapsed in a purple heap.

Dr. Nick sighed in relief. "Thank you, Kekeboots. " With the General's assistance, he placed Luscious on a gurney and strapped her down.

General Kekeboots picked up the alien weapon from the floor. "I'll have 'this' taken to the quartermaster and placed under special lock and key."

"Good idea." Dr. Nick ignored the General's exit to begin his examination of the alien woman strapped to the table.

-end scene-

"CUT!!" J-Wow called. "Great work! We got it! Dostoyevsky and Bubba Clay can add sound and visual effects for the scene, later. Canada, get ready you're in the next scene with Kekeboots. You take the raygun and get it to Super Sy." Canada had been playing in her phone. She slipped the phone into her back pocket and took her place on stage.

Captain Dither grabbed some more donuts while the crew reset for the next scene. An older gentleman had joined Canada. The pair stood listening to J-Wow's instructions. Kekeboots was standing offstage, she heard the directions and listened for her cue to enter the scene.

"Canada, you are meeting with Super Sy and telling him about the Alien, Kekeboots you walk in and a fight starts." J-Wow stepped away from the stage. "Cameras... Action!"

-scene start-

"Super Sy, you should have seen it, they had a weird looking person in a room. She didn't look human. The general tazed her and they strapped the alien lady to a table!"

"Good Observations, CanDo Kid!" Super Sy congratulated his sidekick. "We must save her!"

“Not if I can help it!” General Kekeboots entered the room. She reached for a weapon but was knocked out by Canada, with a karate chop on the shoulder.

-scene end-

"Cut!" Ordered J-Wow. "Good, we need stunt doubles for the upcoming fight scene... Allan is going to double for Canada... and... Igor...? Has anyone seen Igor? He's supposed to be the body double for Cy."

Luscious raised her head. "I think Igor went to the bathroom. Should we go get him? He's been gone for awhile."

"I'll go get him." A guy with a Ronin-style haircut volunteered.

Captain Dither licked some chocolate frosting from his fingers. He wanted to leave, but couldn't remember the way back to the exit. He was fine with hanging out. No-one else seemed to mind, either. They could have thrown him out anytime, but chose not to.

Ronin haired dude came back alone, he was angry and disappointed. "I just knocked on the bathroom door and there was no answer. Igor was supposed to be in there. He's always doing this. He works for a little while, gets frustrated, and goes off and flakes."

Dr. Nick thought about it. "Then Igor is I-gone." Nick looked around the room trying to find a suitable replacement. He spotted Captain Dither. "You... delivery guy."

"Who me?" Captain Dither pointed to himself.

"Yes," Dr. Nick asked. "How would you like to do some acting?"

"...?"

"It's easy, stand here..." Dr. Nick explained. "And do whatever J-Wow says. If there's a fight, throw fake punches and fake kicks. Don't really hit anyone, we don't want anyone to get hurt. It's a movie. A play on film. Playfight." Dr. Nick appraised Captain Dither, again. "When the camera starts filming, Allan and Kekeboots will do their lines, Delivery Guy will do some fake punches, then, cut and reset for the next scene. Got it."

The rest of the cast and crew nodded. Captain Dither wasn't entirely sure. He saw this experience as an opportunity and chose not to complain.

The actors got themselves into position. "Ready..." Dr. Nick spoke for J-Wow. "Action!"

-scene start-

General Kekeboots stood, hunched holding her arm. "You'll never get away with this."

The CanDo Kid responded for Captain Dither. "You'll never get away with hurting innocent people just because they come from far away places and look a little strange."

Captain Dither improvised what he thought was a cool superhero pose. "This is what we do to evil doers like you!" Captain Dither punched the air over the top of Kekeboots's head. She crumbled as if she'd really been hit.

-scene end-

"Cut!" Dr. Nick smiled. "Good. We'll have to get Simon to redo the line Delivery Guy gave. But that should be good for that scene." Dr. Nick looked around at his crew. "Places people. Simon, are you ready to finish the episode."

Simon shook his head. "I... can't. I have a cramp in my finger."

"Really?" A woman with colorful hair asked. "Again? You can't stand and say your lines in the show for two seconds, because of a cramp in your finger?"

"If you're going to be that way, about it." Simon pouted. "I quit."

"Bye." Dr. Nick responded. "Delivery Guy, do you want to stay and finish the scene with us?"

Captain Dither wasn't sure what was going on. This whole thing was like a dream from another world. "Sure."

Dr. Nick was pleased. "What's your name and how do you want it to appear in the credits?"

"My name is Captain Dither." Captain Dither answered to a room full of chuckles. "Ivan Charles Weiner. Or I.C. Weiner, for short."

"Ha ha ha ... no." Dr. Nick and the Ronin haired dude chuckled at the joke and one upped Captain Dither.. "Jokes like that can get you sued. I'm Nick, this guy...” He introduced the Ronin guy. “Is Uncle Bob. We're the ones who run this mad house. If you like to work and want to make a little extra money, you're welcome to stay, otherwise, it was nice knowing you.”

Uncle Bob pointed to the lady with the colorful hair. “This Lady is my Queen, Mama Witt.” Uncle Bob puffed out his chest. “Crazy is the new normal.”

"Normal?" Captain Dither asked, as Canada returned to set.

Uncle Bob walked over to Canada. "Canada, things are going to be a little different from now on. The rest of the movie is going to be done with Captain Dither, here."

Captain Dither smiled at the tough-looking little girl to be polite. He wasn't sure about working with kids, but didn't want to frighten anyone.

"Hello," Canada introduced herself. She looked tough and sounded confident, as far as Captain Dither could tell.

Mama Witt brought over a copy of the scripts. "These are the scripts for the rest of the movie. We're almost done filming and your improv line should be fine, the rest of the lines are in the script, if you want to study."

"Thank you." Captain Dither accepted the booklet and studied his lines. He felt stiff and awkward, but otherwise okay. He nodded to Dr. Nick. "I think that I am ready, whenever you guys are." J-Wow took the script from Captain Dither.

"Is there anything I can do to help or make things better?" Captain Dither asked

"Donuts." Uncle Bob said. "We were supposed to have a guy deliver some, don't know what happened to him." Captain Dither blushed and grinned, sheepish. Uncle Bob smiled, "go finish the movie."

Captain Dither stood on his spot on stage. "Ready."

"Action...!" J-Wow commanded.

-scene start-

Captain Dither looked at the General on the floor. "We must hurry, CanDo Kid! Someone needs our help!"

The CanDo Kid nodded. "I know where they're holding her. Follow me."

"Good." Captain Dither agreed. "But from now on, I'll handle the dangerous stuff. We don't want you getting hurt, you have school in the morning."

"Whatever you say, Captain Dither." The CanDo Kid rolled her eyes. She led the way into the military base. Quickly, the pair of superheroes weaved their way through the maze that was the underground military base. They found the room with the alien. The CanDo Kid undid the straps that were holding the captive. Captain Dither extended a hand to help the person up. Just as they were about to leave...

...Dr. Nick appeared in the room. He blocked the door. Captain Dither pulled Dr. Nick into the room and trapped him in a corner, barred by a rolling gurney. Captain Dither, the CanDo Kid, and the Alien darted into the hall to make their quick escape.

The CanDo Kid and Captain Dither turned to go one way, only to find themselves grabbed by the hand of the Alien Pilot. “This way,” She hissed in a whisper. “We'll take my ship. It's closer.”

The small group ran to the hanger. In the center of the room was a large fighter jet. "Phoenix" was scrawled in orange on the side of the ship. It had been recently freed from a block of Amber. It still had a little left on the tail rudder. The ship was ready for lift off. The heroes and their alien companion piled into the ship. Luscious closed, locked, and sealed the ship, before starting it up. The ship took off and blasted into the galaxy. "Thank you for freeing me. My name is Luscious."

"Greetings, Luscious!" Captain Dither overacted. "I'm Captain Dither! and This IS the CanDo Kid."

"Happy to assist you." Canada winced at Captain Dither's bad acting.

Luscious looked ill. "Is there anything I can do to repay your kindness, before I go?"

Captain Dither's smile was broad. "If you can just drop us home...-!"

Air Force jets appeared in the air behind The Phoenix.

"Uh-OH!!!" Luscious warned. "Brace yourselves!" She pushed a button and the robin's egg blue sky turned to indigo and then navy to light polka dotted blackness. The attacks back on Earth missed their target, already in space. "Sorry, I wasn't able to drop you home. What do you want to do now? I don't mind taking you with me. You can stay until it's safe for me to bring you guys back. I won't harm you."

Captain Dither shook his head. "That won't do, Cando Kid has school and things..."

"Enough!" Can- "Actually, my name is Canada." Canada interrupted. "I can learn anything I want from a computer, anyway. I would kind of like to do... something... other than school. I wouldn't mind staying for awhile. And if we're all friends.... Call me Canada, not Cando Kid."

Captain Dither smirked. "If Canada doesn't mind being away for awhile, I don't either. My name... is Captain Dither."

Luscious leaned back in her chair, proud of herself. "Then, come for adventure!"

The stage went dark, ending the play.

-scene end-

"Cut, Edit, Post." Dr. Nick said. "Good work! See everyone back here tomorrow where we'll read some stories and decide what we want to do, next."

Dr. Nick pulled Captain Dither aside. He explained things a little clearer. "Everyone does a little bit of everything. As long as you're doing your job, you can do anything else you want even help others, if you choose. I know I like people who choose to help others. We're all one big family here. We accept and help each other. If you agree, come back tomorrow. If not, it was nice knowing you, man." Dr. Nick smiled.

"Thanks," Captain Dither didn't know what to make of this strange adventure he found himself on. All he knew was that he was curious to see more.

"Great!" Dr. Nick said. "Let's get you set up with a number so you can clock in for work. Do you have one in mind or shall I pick a number for you?"

"Well..." Captain Dither started, "13 is my lucky number."

"Good," Nick replied. "Tomorrow, when you come in, you'll go to the computer and clock in... using the number 13. See you then, Captain Dither." Nick wandered away.

"Uh... Yeah." Captain Dither wandered off in his own direction. "See you tomorrow. What time do I have to be here?"

Mama Witt overheard the question. She came over to help Captain Dither out. "Come in at 3pm and we'll see how things go." When the pair got to the door., Captain Dither exited the building disappearing into the night.