Reminisce with me?

Reminisce with me?

Dances weren't really my thing. Buying expensive clothes to match the theme, finding a date, dancing. 

I try to avoid such dances, but it was better than being home alone on a Friday night. Minus having a date, I managed to find a great spot right next to the buffet table.

The funny thing about this is that I don't go to this school. In fact, I'm not even a student. How did I get in, you say? I'm not sure, usually, the kids or parents who chaperone or volunteer for these kinds of things check for ID, or just ask if you're volunteering. But no. The back entrance was wide open. I heard about the little shindig from my neighbors' kids when they were heading to the mall to find dresses.

Don't get freaked out, I ain't no creep. I did go to this school. About five years ago. I like to reminisce. At least reminisce about what my life should've been. Like the student government kids, for example. I could've been the president, or at least the treasurer. They get special privileges, can plan all the activities, do what they want. I'm pretty creative and could've done some cool stuff for the dances like this back then. But, they're usually the rich kids, so I probably wouldn't have fit in with that category, as much as I wanted to. They all dance on or near the stage, where the crappy DJ is performing, wearing expensive tuxes and dresses, with lots of makeup or unnecessary jewelry.  

No, I probably wouldn't have liked their snotty stuck up attitudes. 

There's the band kids and the choir kids. Some still wearing their 20-year-old uniforms and carrying their instruments. They gave some odd mixed performance at the beginning of the dance while people walked in. I don't know about playing an instrument like in the band. I tried the guitar, but it wasn't realistic or for me at all. But I did do choir back in middle school. My teacher was kinda weird and ruined the whole experience for me, and I didn't continue on to high school. Besides, being in band class or choir, or anything in the music department was expensive. Also, you always have to compete with people to get a solo or at least be heard. I don't know much about band besides when they play at football games. I never paid attention to their competitions or anything like that. Sure, I'd watch them on tv if they ever made it that big, but still. I remember the band kids were always the ones getting picked on or were super weird…

I wouldn't have fit in that much with them.     

I could've been an honor student if I didn't have to work so much. Sure, that may sound like a cheap excuse. But I was always tired. So, I did manage to graduate, but not in silver or gold. 

I'm not sure if I would've fit in in any of the labels highschool supposedly created, but I'm glad those days are behind me. In all truth, I really am. Sure, I miss being a little younger and not having to work or pay bills, but I don't miss it. I don't miss the drama, the competitions, teachers or teacher's pets. I'm so glad it's all over. But, I only wish that I could've had a better experience. To go to parties or dances like this one. I watched too many romance movies as a kid and had high hopes at this age, and I knew I'd be disappointed. But what was I doing here? Sneaking into a high school dance?

To reminisce, sure. But...what else? 

I knew at some point they'd notice me and kick me out. But, seeing these happy kids dancing...free and no worry at all...I wish I was like them again. As I was getting out of my seat, maybe to grab a snack and leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Ha, I knew that was you." I heard a man's voice. 

Turning around, I see my high school crush. Here. Right now.

On a cheesy sticker nametag, in slanted handwriting, was "Michael Dawson: Volunteer."

Michael Dawson was an outsider like I was, he was the kid that would carry a guitar around the school. "Grace, right? Grace Winters?" He says, a grin on his face. 

"Yeah...hi, Michael." I felt my cheeks flush immediately. It's been five years since I've been this close to him. Before I moved out of my parent's home, he used to be my neighbor. "I'm kinda wondering what you're doing here. I didn't see your name on the volunteer's list." he crosses his arms, smirking a little. "You sneak in or something?" 

I chuckled nervously, now I feel foolish coming here in the first place. "Um...yes…" It came out more as a question than an answer. "You're not gonna tell on me, are you?" I rub my arm a bit. 

He chuckles, "No, but you should wear this to blend in." he hands me one of those sticker name tags with my name on it. 

"Thanks." I smile and put it on.

"What are you doing here, exactly?" He crosses his arms again.

"Honestly, I thought I came here to reminisce about the past, but...I dunno. I was just about to leave." I look up at him shyly "Aw, no. Don't leave yet. The party is just getting started." He smiles, "I'm going on stage while the DJ is on break." He smiles. 

"So, I take it, you still play." I smile.

"Hell yeah, I'm never giving it up." He chuckles. 

A guy from backstage called his name, motioning him to come over. "Well, better, get to it. Please stay?" He smiles and looks at me. I nod a bit and blush as he walks away. 

He and a couple of other guys got on the stage, all the kids cheering for them. The spotlight lit up on Michael, him holding an electric guitar. The song starts, he begins to sing Youngblood by 5SOS. He stands close to the mic, singing beautifully. The girls shrieked for him as the song picked up, the lights changing again, and the other members beginning to sing and play their instruments in the background. I smile and get closer to the stage, dancing and clapping to the music. He smiles down at me as he plays his guitar, I danced and cheered. It was like I was at an actual concert. I was dancing, I was actually dancing. Somewhat, at least. The crowd sang along, all excited that they were playing this song since it was popular. 

I sway a bit, closing my eyes and smiling with glee. 

The song ended, and the crowd cheered, Michael reaches down and lets some guys high five him and some girls hold and shake his hand. 

He hops down from the stage and walks towards me "Wow, you were great!" I smile. He smiles, "Thanks...um, they're gonna sing a few more songs but, would you like to dance?" I blush a bit and laugh, "Sure, I'd love to."

He takes my hand, I gulp a bit. I thought I'd never dance with him. I mean, when I actually did go to school here, I never did. But right now, I couldn't believe he was actually holding my hand. The band starts playing a slow song, he holds me close to him, holding my waist. I look into his eyes shyly, while he looked at me with such intensity. As we swayed and spun around the floor, I couldn't look away from him. It was like we were in our own little world, our own dimension of just looking into each other's eyes and holding each other close. 

He spun me one more time and dipped me, the song then-ending. He slowly pulls me up, leaning his forehead against mine. I close my eyes a bit and slowly cup his cheek. The crowd started to cheer, pulling us both back to reality. I step back and clap along with the others, pretending that I can't see him staring at me.

.        

After a while, the place cleared out, and the dance ended. I help clean up since I was a fake volunteer. Eventually, Michael walked to me again. "Hey, uh...can I walk you to your car or something?" He looks at me, his hands in his pockets. I smile and nod, "Sure." I follow him, he waves bye to his bandmates and picks up something. I see it's his guitar from back then. We walk out of the school, sort of sauntering. "That was fun…" I smile and look at him. "Yeah, it was." he clears his throat. I see my car, and I'm about to speak when he interrupts me. "Grace." He stops walking and looks at me. "I can't just let you leave after tonight."

"What do you mean?" I rub my arm. 

"Grace...I know how you've felt about me. Since freshman year. Back then, we were both outsiders, didn't belong here. I know you've always had trouble finding where you belong, that's why you came back here. You wish you can redo it all. Trust me, I know how you feel. In every way." 

"Michael…" I struggle with my words. "I-I don't know…"    

"You still won't admit it, will you?" He scoffs and shakes his head. "I've tried to tell you for years, but you were just so goddamn depressed to even be near me!" he raises his voice. 

"Tell me what?" I look at him.  

He glares at me, "I want you to be honest with me. Like I'll be honest with you." He puts his guitar on. 

"Michael…" I hold up my hand to get him to stop, but he steps back. 

"Let me." He raises a brow in warning. 

I cross my arms, and he starts to strum his guitar; 

"Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face

Tell me that you love me even if it's fake

'Cause I don't fucking care at all…" 

I freeze up and look at him, slouching a bit. He continues the song by Blackbear, I didn't know he'd use this song for this situation. 

"And you been out all night, I don't know where you been

You slurring all your words, not making any sense

But I don't fucking care at all." 

He played beautifully, my heart beginning to melt. 

"'Cause I have hella feelings for you

I act like I don't fucking care...

Like they ain't even there

'Cause I have hella feelings for you

I act like I don't fucking care

'Cause I'm so fucking scared..."

My eyes widened at the realization of why he used this song. 

"I'm only a fool for you…" 

He shakes his head a bit, looking at me in the eyes. 

"And maybe you're too good for me…

I'm only a fool for you.

But I don't fucking care, I don't fucking care, I don't fucking care!"

He plays the little riff on his guitar, humming. 

"Won't you tell me pretty lies, look me in my face?

Tell me that you love me even though it's fucking fake?

I don't fucking care at all…" 

He stops playing, holding down the strings on his guitar.

"And you been out all night, I don't know where you been…" He steps closer, 

"You're probably getting fucked, you're probably giving head."

He starts playing again. 

"But I don't fucking care at all…

'Cause I have hella feelings for you...

I'm only a fool for you…" 

He breathes heavily and looks at me with a sad look in his eyes. 

"And maybe you're too good for me…" 

He picks up the beat again. 

"I'm only a fool for you

But I don't fucking care, I don't fucking care, I don't fucking care

At all!" 

He finishes the song, humming. 

Speechless, I look at him. "Michael…" I hug him. "I'm sorry...and in truth? You're too good for me. Okay? You deserve better than me, why can't you understand that?"

"That's not true, you know. I'm in love with you, Grace. Always have been. I'll stick by your side and help you with finding yourself. I'll do anything, just say it…"

I look at him and rub his cheek "I do love you, Michael…and I'll hold you to that." 

He smiles, pulling me close and kissing me. 

I realized then that I guess it's okay to reminisce. That it's okay to love.