See Through

Sasha woke up with a start. Her alarm clock was blaring the local radio station; the DJ talking about the Hallowe’en Festival of Fun that was happening in Pyres Park all weekend.

Sasha groaned. She had another appointment with her therapist this afternoon and she was not looking forward to it. The therapist was meant to be one of the best in the city with a waiting list that was over a year. Sasha had been to see him eight times now and it just seemed like they were talking in circles. She had been to therapy before after her dad died suddenly from a massive heart attack. That was nearly ten years ago, and she had felt like she had gotten somewhere back then, and that somewhere had been enough to allow her to be able to get out of bed in the morning and even go back to university and finish her degree in journalism.

But now she was back to that dark, muddled place after the death of her grandfather. He had stepped up to help her mum after her dad's death and had become like a surrogate dad. He even taught her how to drive and bought her a small run-around car that had enabled her to get a job with a small local newspaper, covering jobs like neighbourly disputes and conspiracy theories that residents had about their water being polluted. It was mind-numbing but it was a start.

Her therapist had suggested that “she should use her writing skills to write about how she was feeling, even the little thoughts that might pop into her mind.” Sure, it was a decent idea, but every time she put pen to paper, those thoughts did not want to come out.

Sasha swung her legs out of bed and stretched her arms in the air, feeling the satisfying popping of her joints. She took off the bandana that was covering her hair. Her black curls strung to life, falling to just above her shoulders.

After she showered and dressed, she made her way to the kitchen; coffee calling her name. The house was unnaturally quiet with none of her family members making breakfast or rushing out to Saturday morning activities. Sasha shrugged and went to lift the kettle to put some water into it but her phone vibrating in her back pocket interrupted that process. It was a text from the therapist saying, “he couldn’t do this morning because she had an emergency dental appointment but would see her in two weeks time.”

Sasha rolled her eyes; she had had her sleep interrupted for nothing but at least she didn’t have to sit through the pointless session. Sasha leaned against the kitchen table, scrolled through her socials, and saw a few posts from her friends and family at the Hallowe’en Festival of Fun. She frowned and looked at the fridge for a post-it note from her mum saying she had taken Charlotte, Jonah and Granny to the Festival but there were none. And there were no text messages from her friends asking if she wanted to meet them there. Sasha shrugged and headed out the front door and began to walk in the direction of Pyres Park, deciding that she would find her mum and family or friends.

It was a beautiful and surprisingly warm October day. The sunlight dappled through the trees as Sasha walked along the road she lived on but no matter how many people she saw still walking around wearing short-sleeved t-shirts and even dresses, no matter how long she walked in the sun before another trees canopy began, she couldn’t get warm. Sasha rubbed her hands up and down her arms to try and get some heat into her body, but it still didn’t bring any warmth. She settled for just hugging herself, regretting wearing a short-sleeved top.

It only took around fifteen minutes to reach the Park but the music and sounds of joyful people could be heard from several streets away. When Sasha rounded the last corner, she stopped and watched for a few moments. Enjoying the memories flooding her mind of coming here with all her family and in later teenage years, her friends.

Sasha crossed the road and headed towards the ticket stall. There were a few people in front of her, allowing her time to get the money she needed from her purse. When it was her turn to pay, the attendant started chatting with another ticket seller and both seemed more than happy to ignore her. Sasha tapped her foot in annoyance with her arms folded. She didn’t want to be rude and interrupt their conversation, but she was finding it increasingly rude that they kept ignoring her.

“Hello?” Sasha finally asked but still they kept talking to each other. So, Sasha but her money back in her purse and headed into the park that was packed with happy families, laughing and joking with each other and friends sharing candy floss and dinky donuts.

Sasha walked around for a few minutes, looking over the items being sold at the stalls, but nothing was catching her attention. So, she headed for the fairground attractions, knowing that’s where her little brother and sister would have dragged their mum and gran first. She scanned the faces of people as she passed them by but none of them were her family or friends. It wasn’t until she reached the Ferris Wheel that she saw her group of friends taking selfies and laughing about something.

“Hey gals!” Sasha greeted them happily, but they continued taking photos and laughing. Sasha gave a small laugh and held her hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, you got me! Very funny. Amy was this your idea?” Sasha asked but they didn’t even look in her direction. “Guys?” Sasha asked, panic rising in her voice. “Did I do something wrong?" again, there was no reaction.

“Oh my God, did you see what Sophia was wearing?” Amy asks the group of three friends who all nod.

“That skirt was so short!” Lena replied.

“I don’t think you could even call it a skirt! More like a belt!” Natalie says and the friends laugh before heading of in the direction of of the Swinging Pirate Ship ride without giving Sasha a second glance.

Sasha watched her friends walk away from her, utter confusion with a pang of hurt in her heart. Sasha shook her head and headed towards the attractions aimed more for the younger children to see if she could find her family.

She crossed the Park, dodging countless people who just walked straight for her. Sasha was beginning to wonder if she was dreaming or had had a false awakening and was still tucked up in bed but everything else felt real.

She walked past the Apple Bobbing station; her family weren’t there. Onto the Face Painting, still no family. She looked over at the little stage that had been set-up. There was a woman dressed as a Witch holding a microphone down to a little girl who was dressed as Cinderella. The Witch woman was asking the girl her name and age and who she had come dressed up as. There was a small line of kids at the side of the stage, all dressed up and waiting their turn. In the line she spotted her little sister, dressed as a zombie Snow White and smiled. Charlotte had definitely taken after her with her love of all things spooky, so there was no way that she would’ve been a normal Snow White.

Sasha found her mum and gran standing with the other family members of the dressed-up kids, Jonah was in a play park within the eye line of their mum. As Sasha made her way over to her mum and gran, it began to feel like she was walking through glue. Her feet got harder and harder to lift. The crowd gathered at the stage didn’t move out of her way either, just like the people by the rides.

“Hey mum! Why didn’t you wake me to say you were heading to the festival?” Sasha asks when she reached her mum's side. Her mum continued to talk with her gran about how much work Charlotte had put into her costume. “Mum?” Concern filled Sasha’s voice as panic twisted in her stomach. “Gran?” Sasha’s voice cracked slightly as she turned to her grandmother. She too, ignored Sasha. Her gran was a fun, loving woman but also quite serious, so a trick would not be something she would want to take part in.

Sasha waved her hand in front of her mum and gran’s faces but they didn’t even flinch… didn’t even blink.

“Mum!” Sasha practically yelled in her mum's face but neither woman looked around. Sasha whirled around desperately looking into the faces of strangers, hoping to gain someone’s attention… but nothing. Not a single person gave her any notice, until her eyes landed on her little brothers. He had stopped playing and had walked over to the railings surrounding the playground and was holding onto them tightly.

Sasha made her way over to the playground and as she got closer, her little brother let go of the railings and had taken a step back.

“Jonah?” Sasha croaked, her throat feeling tight and dry. Her little brother's eyes grew wide, and he dropped his hands to his sides. “Jonah?” Sasha asked again and she saw tears beginning to gather in his eyes. “You… You can see me?” Sasha continued and he gave a small nod. Relief flooded Sasha’s face and tension left her body but not for long when she looked back to her brother. The tears had spilled over and were now falling down his cheeks. Sasha made a move to step closer but the fear on Jonah’s face stopped her in her tracks. “Jojo… what’s wrong buddy?” Sasha asked crouching down to be closer to his height.

“You can’t be here,” he says in a voice so small; he was barely audible over the music and other people’s voices.

“What do you mean, buddy? We always come to the Halloween Festival?”

“You can’t be here!” He says again, only much louder. This catches the attention of our mum, and she walks over to the railing.

“What’s wrong Jonah?” She asks holding her hand out to him. Jonah’s eyes hadn’t left his older sisters face. Their mum followed his stare and even looked right at Sasha before looking back at her son.

“What are you looking at?” She asks softly. Jonah breaks his stare to look up at their mum.

“Sasha…” his voice trails off. Their mum walks the short few feet to the gate into the playground, unlatches it, and walks over to her son and bends down on her knees in front of him before gently taking his hands in hers.

“Jonah, honey,” she says in a loving voice only a mother can do. “We’ve talked about this… Sasha… Sasha is with daddy and grandpa now,”

Sasha’s blood ran cold, and her head started to spin. Sasha felt like the floor had been taken away from beneath her feet. Jonah looks back at Sasha briefly then back to his mum.

“But… but,” he says, his lip trembling.

“No Jonah. No buts. Sasha isn’t here anymore,” emotion had filled mum's voice. “I wish she were here. She loved the Festival. We have been coming here since before Sasha was your age,” their mum pauses then quickly wipes a tear away. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s go back to granny and see how Charlotte is doing in the costume contest,” she urges as she stands. She has to lightly tug on his hand to get him to move. He gives Sasha a small wave then follows behind his mum.

Sasha replies with a similar small wave back at him as he leaves then starts to feel the cold seeping into her bones. The chill she had felt earlier in the day, was magnified to feel like she had been dunked down in an ice bath. Memories suddenly flooded into her brain like a tsunami and had her stumbling for a nearby bench. She landed on the bench with a thud, her breaths coming in ragged gasps.

She could see it all now.

The party, the fall, hitting her head, the hospital, her mum crying at her bedside as machines whirred and beeped all around her.

Sasha looked down at her clothes and realised she was wearing the same clothes she had worn to the party. She even had the paper access band around her right wrist. Like a fluorescent pink reminder of her last night fully alive.

“It’s okay dear,” Sasha hears from beside her, making her jump and clutch her chest. Sasha looked to her left to see an elderly, but fabulous looking woman. Her clothes spoke of early nineteen twenties glamour and she had a strange and ethereal glow about her. It was like her saturation had been turned up and the world around her looked almost black and white. “We have all been there,” she continued. “Forgetting, the coldness, trying to interact with living things, then the sudden crash and remembering,” she spoke in such a way that made Sasha feel immediately at ease and drawn close to her.

“I’m dead. Aren’t I?” Sasha asked in a faint voice, as if saying it aloud might make it real. The women gave her a sad smile and nodded her head. Sasha looked around at all the people enjoying the Festival around her. “Why can you see me? Are you dead too?”

“Yes. For nearly one hundred years now,” she tilts her head to the side, as if having a little reminisce. “I am an ancestor of yours. I was a Spiritual Guide when you were alive and now… now I am just here for you,”

“Why can Jonah see me?”

She smiles and looks his way. “Aw yes, the young often have a closer affinity with Spirit because their current lives are so new to them,”

“Current lives?” Sasha gawps, her mind a mess of thoughts, all stumbling over each other.

“Yes, dear. We live many lives. It is a process that we all do until we are ready for what is next,”

“And what’s next?”

The women gives her a smile that suggests she knew the question was coming. “Only you can find that out… whenever you are ready to, of course.” She sits a little straighter and looks into Sasha’s eyes. “You have three paths ahead of you now, dear. You can begin a new life, but you will have no memory of this life… well, some manage to have a few when they are toddlers but that soon fades. The second path is to become like me. Become a Spiritual Guide for a distant, not yet born relative. It takes some time but, speaking from experience, it is an extremely rewarding and important thing to do,”

“And third?”

“Third is to cross over and find out what is next,”

“And you can’t tell me anything about it? About what happens next?”

“Unfortunately, not. As I do not know myself,” she admits as Sasha looks down at her shoes then up at where her family are standing. The woman follows her eye line and smiles softly.

“I won’t get to see them again, will I?”

“You might. Depending on how quickly you become a Guide. It would be their children or grandchildren, though but few Guides progress that fast. But it would be a blood family member,”

“What happens to you?”

“If that is your choice, I will stay with you until your teaching is complete then… I would have to make my own decision on what to do next,”

Sasha leans back on the bench and watched as her little sister takes to the stage to show-off her costume. She smiles as her sister spins for the crowd to see all her hard work. Then she looks to the woman, who is watching her closely.

“I’ve made my decision,” Sasha says with a new-found confidence.