A Christmas Miracle

Josh, Faith, his wife of twelve years, and their two children, Grace and Luke, hiked with his parents, brothers and their families through the snow of the Christmas Star Farm in Owego, New York. They had driven up the day before from Chestnut Hill, a tony suburb of Philly to reconnect and make new memories. They were celebrating Christmas and his mother’s cancer remission.               

As was tradition, they went to the end of the field and spread out, searching for the perfect tree for the grandparents’ house that would be decorated by everyone that night. The seven cousins ran off together squealing and playing hide and seek.

Faith slipped her arm in Josh’s as they hiked on, fanning out with the others. “Don’t.” Josh said as he shrugged off her mittened hand. “You know I don’t like that. It’s uncomfortable for me.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Faith was hurt, but used to it. 

Josh had been silent and distant when she would try to get him to talk. She wanted things between them to improve and had hoped that this trip would be a turning point in their marriage. He was a wonderful father but he wasn’t happy with her. She had put on twenty pounds since having their kids and he swore she didn’t even try to lose the weight. He on the other hand worked out every morning in their basement gym and watched his diet. She thought she would work out with him but that made him angry. He said that the morning was his alone time. That meant her only time to work out was after putting the kids to bed and having set up for the next school/work day. She discovered getting on the treadmill at nine at night was hard to do and after she did, she couldn’t fall asleep. Faith was an emotional eater and lonely, overwhelmed by her work and taking care of their children; she was annoyed every time Josh made a snide comment when she ate and he had given her a nickname, Chubzilla. 

She knew her eating had to do with the stress she was under working for a demanding boss with two children, and never having recovered from postpartum depression. She hadn’t wanted to return to work right away after Luke was born, but she had to because they were living above their means. They were in no position to be a one income household in Chestnut Hill, not with just Josh’s income. She was the primary breadwinner and she knew that chafed Josh. At one point during one of the darkest days of postpartum she spat, “I wear the pants in this family! I hate it! I can’t do it all!” Well, that didn’t lead to a productive conversation, and since then whenever she would try to talk to her husband about the stress, he would simply say, “What are you talking to me for? You wear the pants. I don’t want to hear it.” And that was it. They were one fight away from a divorce, if Josh didn’t love his kids so much.  

Faith looked at her husband, “Please?” she said, begging him to acknowledge her. “Can we please try?” 

“What are you talking about? I’m not the one who eats all the time. I don’t have anything to work on.” 

Faith felt her face get red and she squeezed back the tears that welled up in her eyes. He kept walking. She didn’t. Instead, she stood frozen in the middle of a field of blue spruce and douglas fir, watching her husband walk away. 

In his mind he was angry. Sick of his wife. Sick of her not doing anything about her weight. She didn’t satisfy him sexually anymore, despite the reconstructive surgery she went through after having Luke, who was almost eleven pounds. She was still attractive, but she used to be unbelievably hot. Still, the biggest issue was the blow to his pride. When she rubbed in that she made more money than him, he wanted to ditch her and be done. 

He walked on in the direction the children had gone, feeling irritated despite the joyous families around him. That’s when he noticed her, Jenny, his high school girlfriend who he had broke up with after they graduated high school because even though he loved her, he was eighteen and wanted to fuck around. 

She looked good, in a trashy, cheap sort of way with tall boots, and somehow showing cleavage despite the cold weather. He was surprised to see her. She was with a young child and a young woman and she was talking loudly, like she was putting on a show called Super Sexy Mom. “Josh!” she squealed like she was seeing her long lost lover. She ran up to him and flung her arms around his broad, strong shoulders. If you didn’t know them, you would think they had come together and were a family. 

He kept his cool and smiled his playboy dimpled smile, but didn’t hug her back. “Josh, it’s so good to see you! It’s been years! Too many years.” 

“Yeah, it’s been a long time,” he agreed. “How are you?”

She smiled at him looking deep into his eyes, “I miss you.” She said. 

The young woman walked over with the child, “Mom, who’s this?”

“Oh,” Jenny looked a bit taken aback, took a deep breath and said, “Cortney, this is Josh, we dated in high school.” 

Cortney looked at her mother and cocked her head; her mouth opened and no words came out. Finally, after an exaggerated pause, she said, “Mom?”

Jenny closed her eyes for the longest moment before taking another deep breath and looking Josh square in the face, “Cortney is your daughter.” 

Josh froze. He looked at Cortney, he looked at Jenny, he looked at the little girl and then back at Jenny. “What?” 

And just like that, Jenny was babbling her story about how she had discovered she was pregnant after he left her and she didn’t want him to come back even though she knew he would, because she didn’t want him to resent her. She would never trap him. And then she heard he had a girlfriend in Ithaca. And he never called. So she didn’t either. 

She was a pre-k teacher and this was their granddaughter, Ariel, who was also her student this year. 

Josh tried to swallow but found his throat closed up. He heard noise behind him, children, laughing and playing, his children, and his brothers’ children. Even though they had all moved out of town, how could they not have known about this? How could he not have known that Jenny had a baby? His baby! And then his memory came back to him, that foggy memory of a rumor but he hadn’t cared, he had moved on, he was smitten with this super hot older chick who went to Cornell. He had heard that Jenny was knocked up by some guy she’d met at a bar. That was the rumor. He’d heard it from Toby, who had been a friend in high school. And when he heard he’d said, “Damn, glad it’s not me.” And Toby had nodded his head and said, “Good, forget about her.” And then he hadn’t seen or heard from him again, but he’d moved out of town.

He looked at Jenny, cocked his head, “Toby?” 

She nodded. “We divorced three years ago. He left me for a twenty-seven-year-old teacher at my school, but he raised Cortney as his own. She has his last name. It was after the divorce that I told her about you.”   

Josh stood there, his hands tucked into his pockets with a look of shock on his face. “Daddy! Daddy! We found it! We found it! Come on!” Ten-year-old Grace ran up to him and flung her arms around his waist. “Who’s this?” 

“An old friend.” He took his daughter’s hand and let her lead him away from them. “I have to go,” he said as a way of retreating. 

He walked quickly and deliberately away from Jenny and her family, to rejoin his own, where he found his son and wife holding hands and looking at the perfect spruce tree with his mother and father and brothers and their wives, all from out of town. How could none of them have known? Good enough he decided, he would just forget about it, forget that meeting had ever happened, and dammit, he was married now and wasn’t going to mess up his kids’ lives. Faith would freak out. Just then Faith looked over at him with a sad look in her eye and he felt sick. Instead of going to her he went over and stood with his mother, gave her a kiss and said, “Merry Christmas, Mom.” 

That night while they were decorating the tree and having festivities, there was a knock at the door. “Daddy! Daddy! It’s your old friend from the tree farm!” Grace announced from the window. The room went silent and everyone looked at Josh. 

“Who’s the friend?” asked his mother. 

“Oh, nobody.”

“It’s a lady!” announced Grace.  

Maureen, Josh’s mother was quick to her feet to go to the door with Mark, George and John, Josh’s brothers following her. Josh hung back in the front room, hopeful that they would get rid of her. He had already given his brothers the heads up so hopefully they would do the job. 

“Josh, why aren’t you going to the door?” Faith asked. She was sitting on the sofa with a box of ornaments open on her lap, but he could tell her curiosity was piqued. He didn’t know what to say so he remained silent. She sighed, used to this treatment and then set the box of ornaments to the side and got up. 

“No. Stay here.” he ordered his wife. 

“What? Why?” Now she started toward the door and Josh stood up and physically tried to block her.

“Josh! What are you doing? I’m going to the door!” 

Josh’s father came out of the kitchen carrying a tray of drinks. “What’s the commotion?” 

“He’s not letting me go to the door. He’s being ridiculous!” 

“Maybe it’s a surprise. It is Christmas Eve, Faith.” George Sr. replied. 

She looked at her husband, “Why didn’t you say so? I’m sorry. I had no idea! How exciting!” She looked at Josh and tried to put her arms around him, but he pushed her away. 

“No.” He said.

“Oh. Then what is it?”

“Nobody.” 

Finally, something in her snapped. This was it. How much more of this could she take? Was this it? Christmas Eve? No. She could not ruin Christmas for their children; she’d hold it together, but she was going to find out who was behind that door.

She walked over to the window and he blocked the view. 

“Fine. I’m going to hope this is a good surprise.” 

And then the front door opened and his three brothers and mother walked back inside from the porch looking serious and anything but festive. Mark put away Maureen’s coat and she excused herself to the bathroom while Faith watched each of the brothers refuse to face her. She looked over at their wives who had remained silent through the entire confrontation with Josh, all the children had been sent to the downstairs family room. 

“Will somebody please tell me what is going on?” 

Josh sat on the couch, turned on ESPN and zoned out. His brothers squirmed. She was being ignored by his entire family. 

Finally she turned and went upstairs where she allowed herself to sob into the pillows of Josh’s childhood bedroom. It’s Christmas Eve. I have to stay strong for the children. She pulled herself together and went back downstairs. The festivities had started back up, the children were upstairs, the tree was being decorated, drinks were being shared. She hung ornaments with the children, and tuned out everyone around her, which was just as well, because whatever had happened outside had really soured the night. Josh continued to zone out to the television, drinking. They tucked the children in and instead of staying up with everyone to put the presents under the tree, she went to bed. 

The next day she put on a brave performance of smiles and hugs for her children, refusing to let them see that she was sad, and on Christmas night Josh went out without saying where he was going; he just left. She knew in her heart, that if it weren’t for their children, they would be over, if they weren’t already. 

They were supposed to stay three more days, but staying in his parents’ home was suffocating her. Heart broken, she packed their bags. She told Josh she was taking the children to see her parents and they would be back in two days, but he insisted on coming.

“Okay, pack your things.” 

Josh came out to the car.

His phone dinged. 

His phone dinged.

His phone dinged.

“Are you going to respond?”

“Nope.” 

Faith dropped her head on the steering wheel and cried. “What is going on? Do you want a divorce? Is that it? Because this has been going on for months, years! I can’t take it anymore. I want us, but you're checked out.”

His phone dinged.

He sat still as a statue staring ahead. He looked afraid. 

A wave of emotion overcame Faith and she shuddered. “Do you want a divorce?” 

“No.”

“Why? Because of our children? It’s not because you’re in love with me. Clearly that’s not the case.”

He looked down at his phone. A shadow crossed his face. 

His phone dinged again. 

“I want us, Josh. I know I’m not perfect. I’m sorry about how I’ve acted. I want to move out of Chestnut Hill. I want a less stressful job. I have a doctor’s appointment. I want to make changes to feel better and be better for us. I want us. I want our family. I’m begging you, Josh, please, let me in your heart.”

His phone dinged. 

He looked stressed. He looked upset. He was both. “We need to go out. I’ll ask my parents to watch the kids, Faith. We need to talk.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes as he walked their crying children into the house and returned and escorted her to the passenger side of the car.

He drove them to a park and they walked to a bridge, where he told her about Jenny, and apologized for his behavior on Christmas Eve. 

“Were you afraid of how I would react?” 

“Things are already bad between us. I didn’t want to ruin Christmas.” 

“But you did anyway.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Faith. I’m sorry. You should see this. I don’t want you to think I’m keeping secrets.”

"Secrets like where were you last night, secrets?"

He sighed and handed her his phone. 

Jenny: “I love you always and forever. Someday we’ll be married and I will take such good care of you. XXXOOOXOXOXO”

Jenny: “It was fate that we met up again at the tree farm.”

Jenny: “Remember that time we skipped school and went to my house?” 

Jenny: “Can you meet me out tonight? Seeing you yesterday has made it all come back.”

Faith looked up from the phone. "What happened last night?"

“I met her just to let her know I wasn’t interested in reconnecting.”

“That sounds suspicious. Wouldn’t you just ignore her then? You’re very good at it.”

“I deserve that, but the truth was I needed to talk to her after that bombshell.”

"On Christmas. Leaving us. On Christmas."

"I'm sorry."

““Does she know about me?”

“She knows I’m married.”

“Then why is she saying these things?”

“Because she doesn’t care.”

“Do you?”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you care that we’re married? You asked if I wanted a divorce.”

“If there were no kids, would you still want to be married to me?”

“You know the answer to that, Faith.”

“Then maybe we should take a break.”

“No. I’m not going anywhere. I was with you for years before the kids and I committed to you. I don’t want a divorce. I plan to grind it out to the end.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you’re my wife and I don’t want that to change.”

“Well, then we have to change.”

“We can.” He reached down and took her hand and tucked it into his arm. They walked on through the path in the woods together.