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Fiction Thriller Horror

Torrential rain cascaded from the heavens, an unrelenting deluge that drowned the world in its watery veil. Each drop was a hammer blow, assaulting the earth with a ferocity that defied reason. The downpour transformed the forest into an eerie tableau, cloaking the ancient wood in an impenetrable shroud of mist and darkness.

Merchant pressed forward, his every step sinking into the treacherous mire with a repugnant squelch. The relentless onslaught of weather proved to be an unbearable trial, a tempest far surpassing his expectations of an "Average Nor'easter Storm" as foretold by his Captain. This was no ordinary rain; it was a manifestation of ancient malevolence and celestial defiance. Yet, dwelling upon such arcane musings was a luxury he couldn't afford. His focus remained steadfast—running.

A thunderous crack shattered the air, echoing an eerie semblance of thunder itself, and revealing the distinct roar of an AWM discharging a .338 Lapua Magnum round. The bullet surged forward with tremendous velocity, nearing an astounding 2,800 feet per second. Merchant, intimately familiar with the chilling sound of bullets aimed his way, propelled himself forward with the urgency of a man tormented by unspeakable horrors, every fiber of his being screaming at him to escape the unfathomable terror.

From its inception, this mission had been plagued by misfortune, and now one of the team's most formidable operatives had abandoned their post, leaving a trail of bloodshed that claimed the lives of Church and Banker. Merchant stood on the precipice of danger, fully aware that he was the next target in line.

Desperation gnawed at Merchant's core as he fought against the treacherous terrain and the suffocating weight of the rain-soaked atmosphere. What had started as a seemingly routine mission, a search for a clandestine drug lab, had swiftly descended into a vortex of nightmarish proportions. The horrors they encountered within those accursed walls surpassed anything they could have imagined, an unfathomable evil that defied explanation.

Now, amidst the chaotic symphony of thunder and rain, one of their own had succumbed to the malevolence that lurked within the depths of that forsaken place. Driven to the brink of madness by the unspeakable trauma inflicted upon their psyche, their comrade had transformed into an instrument of ruthless slaughter. Each life taken served as a testament to the harrowing magnitude of what they had witnessed, a truth so grotesque that it threatened to consume their very souls.

Merchant's heart pounded in his chest, its rhythm syncing with the relentless downpour that drummed upon the forest floor. Every step he took was a struggle against the mire that threatened to swallow him whole, a repugnant embrace that clung to his boots with a sickening suction. The veil of mist and darkness conspired with the rain to render the ancient wood a maze of shadows, where every silhouette seemed to conceal an unimaginable horror.

The weight of the unspeakable truth they had uncovered bore down upon him, pressing against his consciousness like a writhing beast seeking release. He fought to keep his mind focused, to resist the tendrils of fear that threatened to entangle his thoughts and render him defenseless. The knowledge of what awaited him, the sheer malevolence that had claimed his teammate, sent icy tendrils crawling down his spine.

Merchant's senses heightened, honed to a razor's edge by the urgency of survival. His ears strained to discern any sound out of place amidst the cacophony of rain and thunder. Each crackle of breaking twigs or rustle of foliage caused his heart to skip a beat, his mind conjuring images of his pursuer lurking just beyond the veil of mist, biding its time with unholy patience.

His eyes darted through the gloom, scanning the ethereal landscape for any sign of an escape route. The ancient trees loomed like spectral sentinels, their gnarled branches reaching out like skeletal fingers, ready to snatch him away into their eternal grasp. Shadows danced and writhed, their movements betraying the presence of something sinister that moved just beyond the edge of perception.

Merchant's breath came in ragged gasps, each inhalation filled with the raw scent of rain-soaked earth and the metallic tang of his own fear. Every nerve in his body tingled with a primal warning, urging him to remain in constant motion, to deny his pursuer the chance to strike. But the weight of the horror he had witnessed threatened to anchor him in place, to render him immobile in the face of his imminent doom.

His mind teetered on the precipice of madness, the boundary between rationality and the abyss becoming ever more tenuous. Whispers echoed in his ears, disembodied voices that spoke of ancient evils and forbidden knowledge. Visions flickered at the edges of his vision, grotesque and incomprehensible, taunting him with fragments of the unspeakable truth that lay concealed within the heart of the drug lab.

Merchant's pulse quickened as he stumbled upon a narrow path that cut through the dense undergrowth. He took it without hesitation, his body moving on instinct alone. The path twisted and turned, a serpentine thread leading him deeper into the bowels of the forest, away from the slaughter that had unfolded in its wake. With each step, he willed himself to go faster, to outrun the encroaching darkness and the insanity that lurked within.

But as he ran, a haunting thought lingered in his mind. It whispered of the insidious nature of the horrors they had faced, how they had merely scratched the surface of a far greater, more incomprehensible terror. Merchant knew that the true essence of their discovery eluded him, that its revelation would forever shatter his fragile grip on sanity.

Merchant's legs burned with exhaustion as he sprinted through the unforgiving rain. He felt as if unseen eyes watched him from the depths of the forest, their gaze piercing through the veil of mist. But amidst the chaos, a glimmer of hope appeared—an abandoned hunting shack materialized in the distance, a frail sanctuary against the encroaching darkness.

With renewed determination, Merchant pushed himself forward, his boots splashing through puddles of rainwater as he closed the gap between himself and the dilapidated structure. The shack stood like a forgotten relic, its wood weathered and weary, barely offering more than a temporary respite from the horrors that pursued him.

As he reached the shack's entrance, he flung the door open, its rusty hinges screeching in protest. The interior greeted him with an unsettling stillness, the air thick with the musty scent of neglect. He stepped inside, his senses on high alert, the creaking of the wooden floor beneath his weight amplifying the silence that enveloped him.

The shack offered little comfort, its single room sparsely furnished with a worn-out chair and a rickety table. A lopsided cot lay in one corner, its mattress stained and sagging. Merchant closed the door behind him, shutting out the rain-soaked world beyond. Yet, the silence seemed to grow heavier, the shadows within the shack whispering their own unsettling secrets.

He glanced around, his eyes fixating on the cracked mirror hanging on the wall. It reflected a distorted image of himself—wild-eyed, rain-soaked, and teetering on the brink of madness. He fought against the encroaching despair, forcing himself to breathe, to steady his trembling hands. The echoes of his teammate's relentless pursuit reverberated in his mind, a constant reminder of the horrors that lurked just outside this fragile haven.

Merchant sank into the worn-out chair, his mind swirling with a maelstrom of thoughts. He reflected on the strange attributes of their ill-fated mission, how it had been plagued by misfortune from the very beginning. The distorted intelligence, the misleading reports, the ever-increasing sense of foreboding—it all coalesced into a twisted tapestry of darkness.

He traced his finger along the table's surface, leaving a trail through the dust and grime. The mission had been a facade, a carefully constructed web of deceit meant to conceal the true nature of their objective. The drug lab was a mere smokescreen, a veil cast over the unspeakable terror that awaited them within.

Merchant's hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white. He had willingly walked into a nightmare, unknowingly embracing the descent into madness that now threatened to consume him. What had they stumbled upon in that forsaken place? What ancient evil had been unleashed, laying waste to their sanity and driving one of their own to murderous frenzy?

A tremor coursed through his body as he recalled the blood-soaked scenes of carnage, the atrocities committed in the name of some unknowable horror. He was a pawn in a game whose rules he could not comprehend, entangled in a web spun by forces far beyond his mortal understanding.

But amidst the despair, a flicker of determination ignited within Merchant's eyes. He refused to become another casualty in this twisted game of fate. He would gather his strength, steel his resolve, and face the unimaginable with whatever fragments of sanity remained.

Merchant's mind raced, his thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and fear. The rain outside the shack began to fade, gradually transforming into a drizzle, as if nature itself sensed the gravity of the moment. As the sound of raindrops hitting the roof diminished, so did the weight upon his shoulders. The respite from the relentless downpour mirrored his own inner resurgence.

Slowly, Merchant's trembling hands steadied, and a renewed resolve kindled within him. He realized that he couldn't succumb to despair, not now, not when his survival depended on his wits and determination. The horrors he had witnessed, the loss of his comrades—it was all a testament to the depths of the darkness that surrounded him. But he would not let it consume him.

Taking a deep breath, Merchant pushed himself up from the chair. He felt a renewed strength surging through his veins, his body tingling with a newfound sense of purpose. The shadows in the shack seemed less menacing now, the whispers of the unseen losing their power over his mind.

Just as he was about to take a step towards the door, a faint sound reached his ears—a rustling of leaves and the cracking of twigs from outside. His heart skipped a beat. It was the unmistakable sound of someone or something prowling around the shack.

The figure outside circled the shack cautiously, its movements deliberate and predatory. Merchant's breath caught in his throat as he listened intently, hoping for some clue to the intentions of the intruder. But what came next chilled him to the core.

A voice, strained and distorted, pierced the air, carrying with it an eerie resonance. It was the voice of their AWOL teammate, but it sounded different now—haunting, almost otherworldly. The words that spilled forth were cryptic and laden with an unsettling allure.

"Merchant," the voice called out, its tone both inviting and menacing. "Come outside, dear Merchant. I bring revelations that will unlock the secrets of this world. Embrace the darkness, and the truth shall be yours."

Fear welled up inside Merchant in overwhelming waves of intensity. The familiarity of his teammate's voice twisted into something grotesque, a perversion of what it once was. The cryptic promises laced with hints of forbidden knowledge wormed their way into his mind, tugging at his curiosity even as they ignited his primal instinct to flee.

Merchant pressed himself against the wall, his heart pounding in his chest. The voice continued its monologue, each word echoing through the murky air, as if the very atmosphere trembled with its power.

Merchant's mind reeled, caught in a turbulent storm of confusion and suspicion. Something about the AWOL teammate's words felt off, resonating with an insidious undercurrent that he couldn't quite grasp. It was as if the trap had been meticulously laid, and he was being beckoned into its clutches.

But disoriented and disheveled as he was, Merchant struggled to piece together the fragments of his shattered reality. The events of the past hours had unraveled his sense of trust, leaving him vulnerable to manipulation. The allure of forbidden knowledge tugged at his curiosity, whispering promises of understanding in the face of overwhelming chaos.

Torn between the instinct to flee and the thirst for answers, Merchant fought to regain control over his racing thoughts. He had witnessed the consequences of their ill-fated pursuit, the bloodshed left in the wake of their AWOL teammate's descent into madness. The thought of willingly stepping into the jaws of that same malevolence was nothing short of terrifying.

Yet, the shadows of doubt lingered. Had he truly seen everything there was to see? Were there secrets buried within that drug lab, secrets that held the key to understanding the atrocities they had faced? A part of him yearned for closure, for the truth that would unravel the enigma they had stumbled upon.

Merchant's gaze shifted to the cracked mirror on the wall, his own reflection staring back at him with a mix of determination and vulnerability. He could see the weight of his choices etched upon his face, the turmoil within his eyes. In that moment, he made a decision—a choice that would define the trajectory of his destiny.

With cautious steps, Merchant moved away from the wall and approached the door. He couldn't ignore the possibility that the AWOL teammate's invitation was nothing more than a trap, a final act of deception to ensnare him. But he also couldn't shake off the gnawing curiosity that clawed at his insides, urging him to uncover the truth, no matter the cost.

Merchant hesitated at the threshold, a chill running down his spine. The weight of the unknown pressed upon him, filling his mind with a sense of dread. Fear gripped him, threatening to immobilize his every muscle. But amidst the paralyzing terror, a flicker of curiosity sparked within him, urging him forward into the abyss. With trembling steps, he crossed the threshold, the darkness swallowing him whole, leaving him to confront the nameless horrors that awaited in the shadows.

June 18, 2023 03:16

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5 comments

Nicki Nance
22:37 Jun 28, 2023

Hi Cole, I got your story through critique circle, so I am assuming you are up for feedback. I I liked the premise of this story, and that it ended with unfinished business. I loved the rain slowing and stopping. It makes me want to read chapter 2. You have a great command of the language and your imagery shows you to be a capable writer. Some thoughts I had: 1. I would like to know more about Merchant - another layer of him. What else does he lose if he loses his mind? 2. What specific thought motivated him when he was at the table. 3. ...

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Cole Brodeur
04:08 Jul 01, 2023

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate any form of feedback and I'll address your questions in the order they were asked: 1. To be honest, I didn't have a clear idea of who I wanted Merchant to be as a character. He primarily served as a vessel for the action and mystery to unfold. Since I was writing for a prompt that required starting the story in the middle of the action and had a word limit, I had to prioritize other important details over developing his backstory. 2. My aim was to create a sense of a "final gambit" situation. As a ...

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Nicki Nance
00:39 Jul 09, 2023

Everything you say makes perfect sense, and I'm learning from your explanations, so thanks! (I also started my story in the middle. A bit of a trick,)

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Lucía Llavero
09:42 Jun 30, 2023

From the critique circle: Although I appreciate detailed and inmediate to visualization descriptions such as yours - they were delightful to read-, I personally prefer not to condense them too much together and to have some constrast with direct action such as some old memory of what brought Merchant there while he was hiding from the rain, something that makes the story flow more naturally.

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Cole Brodeur
04:14 Jul 01, 2023

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and providing your feedback! I genuinely appreciate your perspective and understand your preference for a more balanced mix of imagery and direct action to create a smoother narrative flow. I focused on imagery in the story because I wanted to evoke a specific atmosphere and emotional response from the reader. By using detailed and immediate descriptions, I aimed to immerse the reader in the world of the protagonist and create a vivid and engaging experience. However, I can see how cond...

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