Very Last Chance

“Just say it...” you remind yourself, “you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

They always passed by in the school halls as if in slow motion to your eyes, how you’ve longed to walk by their side-but they never even notice you. They passed by you; sat in the same class as you for the past six years as you watched them go through heartbreaks and felt jealousy for those whom had them. Now, graduation day has come and you still never had the courage to tell them through the years-despite how many times you told yourself it would be today. This is it, you’re very last chance, so it absolutely has to be today you remind yourself again as you walk to the podium to give you salutation speech as they passes you-returning to their seat from giving their valedictorian speech. Your heart rate rises in your chest as the blush rushes to your cheeks for the split second of passing each other.

“...”

You stand before the sea of fellow peers and proud families taking photos. You look between them, and your speech feeling extremely nervous, but they surprisingly calm as their eyes directly, for the first time meet yours in contact and lock with each other. Forget your planned speech then and there as the two of your gazes remain locked, you finally pluck up the courage you’ve been trying to for six years and throw caution to the wind...

“...” you take one last deep breath, “I love your smile,” you start, “how it’s always full of warmth, how your eyes always seems to have a light brighter than the sun to them,” you clear your throat feeling your nervous shaking again, “I love how your hair seems to shine in the light, how you write on your ripped jeans and would draw on your skin in pen-I love you are always yourself: straight forward and don’t care what anyone has to say or think...” you pause to take slow breathes so as to keep your composure, “I love everything about you-and I have for six year,” you start to wrap it up, “I have loved you for six years, ever since you first sat in front of me in history class...you never noticed me though-accept for the one time I dropped my pencil, you didn’t say a word-just smiled...I love you, I just had to finally say it-I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.”

The people remain quiet as the two of your eyes remain locked on each other. Saying nothing more, you slowly back away from the podium, quickly and quietly get your diploma and run off stage and out of everyones sight of view. you run out of the gymnasium, down the School halls-caring more about your embarrassment than the rules. You run and run until you reach the one place you felt the most invisible-the most safe and secure. You walk through a door and take a seat at one of your old desks to let your breathing slow down. It’s as your breath becomes steady that you notice something on the desk in front of you.

You’re curiosity now peeked, you get up from your old desk and slowly move to the one in front of you. You stop and stare at what you find-writing-someone had written on the desk. You couldn’t say when, as you never paid attention to the surface of the desks, just used them to word on and place your books upon. You weren’t even sure if it was done by a student in your class or another in another class, all you do know is that the writing on the desk-is your name in a heart. Not having been aware that you were followed or that anyone else had entered the classroom, you soon find a pair of feet standing next to you.

You don’t look directly up, but instead slowly scale up the persons being-observing everything. You note them no longer wearing graduation garment, their familiar warn out old white and blu sneakers that they wore everyday for as long as you’ve known. Then the jeans stained with ink from writing on them everyday for years, and their long sleeved shirt covered arms that showed just a hint of tattoo you Know they have. Before your gaze moves any farther, your eyes dart back to the jeans for a closer look-only to find your name written all over them. You gaze goes back to their arms at the sound of them pulling up the sleeve-only to find your name was the tattoo peeking out and your face on the shoulder of their other arm.

You’re heart now racing again along with the blush to your cheeks, your eyes meet theirs once again. Their lips turned up into the smile you’ve always known, and their eyes bright as ever. You press your lips into a thin line as your gaze full meets theirs-the one everyone either wanted to be or wanted to be with. They had always been in the light to you-while you had always been a wallflower in the shadows. As scared as you were, you knew you had to finish what you started at the podium...

”I’m flattered,” you admit quietly, “and I meant everything I said.”

”I love you too-“

”But I didn’t say it for me,” you’re breath grows shaky

”...” his face shows disappointment

“do you recall my friend you stopped from being bullied in seventh grade?”

”...” they nod, “we had a memorial for them not too long ago...”

”...” you nod as tears start to flood your eyes, “what I said-though it’s how I feel, weren’t my word...they were their words,” you tell them, “they we’re going to tell you themself, but then-“

”the shooting,“ they reply in a whisper

“A handful were injure,” you sob, “b-but-“

”but only one was killed,” they finish for you as their gaze meets the floor, “they died cause they pushed me out of the way.”

”they were my best friend,” you fall to the floor: break down-shaking, heaving, and crying like no tomorrow, “what I said were their word,” you say through your tears, “I just had to say it for them,” you sniffled and sobbed, “or I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.”

“...” they stay silent but you can hear them sniffle and imagine the tears running down their own face

”you never noticed them either,” you sniffle, “did you?”

”they lived next door to me,” they tell you, “but I never noticed them in the same way I noticed you-“

”...” your head snaps to look at theirs with shock coming through you red blood shot, tear stained eyes

”I’m sorry,” they whisper to you, “truly...I love you.”

Nothing more is said between you two as you fall into their arms and break down crying hard. You cry harder at the pain of your lost friend, the guilt you feel about having feelings for the person holding you now, the relief of having gotten it all off your chest and for the happiness you feel being in this person’s arms. Their arms around you, their chin resting on your head as you feel their tears dripping from their face.