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Funny Romance Contemporary

At first, Kevin Terano loved his compressed work schedule.  

Every other Friday, he’d get a three-day weekend, and he’d get to spend it with Hannah, his lively girlfriend whose outgoing nature complemented his more introspective demeanor. With her expansive social circle, Hannah was constantly orchestrating activities to spend quality time with everyone. Kevin just felt content that she always carved out time to plan day-long excursions for them: a hike up some unfamiliar trail followed by a meal at a tucked-away restaurant, then an avant-garde film. Both had an affinity for cinema.  

Kevin would just follow along, eager to use his binoculars for any new bird sightings. It was uncomplicated with just the right amount of adventure. Or so he thought.  

The Friday morning of what was supposed to be their hike up Birdsong Trail, Hannah had sat up from their bed, with their sea green duvet wrapped around her and her eyes half closed.  

“I’m feeling sick, babe,” said Hannah in a low, raspy voice. “But you should still go. I know how much you need your outdoor time.”  

Kevin hugged her for that – she really understood him. And her body was feeling a bit clammy. He’d have to remember to wash that duvet sooner rather than later.  

I hope I don’t catch what she has, thought Kevin. I’ll cook chicken soup for us both when I get back. Or at least order some from that tiny eatery she loved visiting a few weeks back.  

Kevin’s plan would have worked out smoothly for all – including Kevin’s close friend, Russ, who had sneaked into their apartment not 10 minutes after Kevin left, had Kevin not decided to turn back and pick up soup for Hannah instead of hiking.  

Russ was there to spend time having his own adventure with Hannah, who was definitely not sick, and definitely cheating.  

Kevin discovered them buried in the sea green duvet Hannah had been wrapped in before. He had thought about chucking the soup he was holding at Russ. Instead, he threw it on Hannah’s hiking shoes and departed.  

**** 

Very soon after that Kevin no longer enjoyed his extra Fridays. He’d wake up and scroll on his phone for an hour in bed – the modern equivalent of twiddling one’s thumbs. He knew he couldn’t do that for much longer. He used a lot of his savings to move out. So, he worked his little thumbs out searching the depths of Craigslist to find a part-time job that would fit into his compressed schedule.  

Dogsitter? No. No car to get to the places where owners actually paid good money.  

Bartender? No. Kevin didn’t like loud places. And the only bars near him were loud.  

Extra? Hmm. Lots of jobs for Fridays, interesting metro-accessible locations, and a chance to see some movie magic. That fit the bill!  

His first few roles were more than he dreamed of. First, he played guy #3 in a police line-up in one of his favorite cop dramas. Next, he played the coffee shop employee serving up a hot vanilla latte. By just the seventh role, he even landed his first line!  

“Chicken soup, please,” he said playing “tall customer” in a popular sci-fi serial. It had taken a few takes to get through that one.  

By the time that role came along, Kevin was hungry. Several casting directors told him he was so easy to work with. One actor he met at a set for a used car commercial even suggested he find an agent. This lit a fire in Kevin. No longer was he sulking for Hannah, scrolling through video clips of her new, happy life with Russ.  

The thing is, Kevin really didn’t know what he was doing. Most of the extra roles were given to him because he was tall and had that “ethnically ambiguous” look going for him. He just also happened to be reliably free every other Friday. In a mid-sized town that wasn’t quite yet Hollywood, that got him ahead of the line for many parts. So, when Kevin learned via email that the first agent that he sent his resume to had wanted to test him out, he didn't hesitate to reply, 'yes.' 

Instead, on a Saturday afternoon in June, he put on his darkest attire as instructed, made sure he wore his favorite cologne, as instructed, and came ready to “show a huge range of personality,” as instructed by the email he read just once.  

**** 

When Kevin walked into the dimly lit room on the basement floor of an old theater, he got excited by the ambiance.  

This agency is really dedicated to its craft, he thought.  

Kevin was first greeted by a woman wearing night vision goggles who called herself “Cy.”  

Ooo, must be short for some type of mutant scene they want us to get into, thought Kevin.  

Cy first made sure he signed all the waivers. Then, she told him he would have about five minutes at each table.  

“It’s going to be dark the whole time,” warned Cy. “So, you need to let your personality shine through with your WORDS.” 

Kevin had this. He figured they wanted to see his range. Well, hear it. It was pitch black. Cy had to guide him to his seat. She then gave him a set of Post-its and something cold and metal. Before he realized it was a pen, Cy just said, “good luck,” and zipped off.  

Normally, Kevin would be scrolling Imgur to calm his nerves as he waited. But now, he could only twiddle his thumbs, waiting for a presence to emerge across from him. Deep into thought about how to play his character, he almost missed the mouse-like voice that emerged as his first foil.  

“I’m Vanessa. This is my first time doing this. I’m so nervous about getting everything said all in time. Oh my gosh. So here it is. I love concerts, EDM in particular. I’m getting my PhD in bio-chemical engineering. Been getting into Tai Chi to calm my nerves. Eee! This is exciting! What about you? Have you been to an EDM concert?”  

Interesting approach, thought Kevin. An overzealous dater. I could see myself as a rom-com lead. Or, at least, the guy everyone loves to hate. I’ll channel Russ, but with a British accent.  

“I’m Kev, luv. I myself also fancy concerts but of the opera variety. You been? La Bohème by Puccini is just divine. I’m always willing to share in the experience with someone who’s willing to expand their musical tastes besides the drab musical pop that constantly plays on the airwaves.”  

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa piped up. “Did you just say my music sucks?!”  

“No, no, not at all,” assured Kevin. “I’m sure your music is just fine for a good weekend run. But if you truly want to experience bliss, opera is where it’s at. We could find some opera that even you might enjoy. Maybe something with a catchy tune, like 'The Barber of Seville'.”  

Silence. Then all Kevin heard was the crumpling of paper. Seconds later, the paper landed square between his eyes. 

“Wow! If you’ve got great aim in the dark! I wonder how you must be in the daylight! Did you ever play baseball?” 

Before a response came, a buzzer rang. Cy informed all the men to stand up and wait to be moved. Standing, Kevin prepped his character for his next “interview.”  

Maybe I’ll go for the nice, overeager character this time, thought Kevin.  

Seconds later, Kevin heard a pen click.  

“Hi, I’m Silvana. The dark has got me a little unnerved. Can I know your name?” 

Hmm, maybe this is supposed to be a scene from a thriller? But I don’t know. Silvana’s voice sounds so smooth, like butter.  

“It’s Kevin. And I didn’t expect the dark to freak me out either. Reminds me of the time I saw a total solar eclipse and all the birds around me went silent…”  

“Oh, totally!” said Silvana. “I’m so lucky to have been able to see that. I went hiking with some friends in Georgia and just the sudden change in nature coupled with the sky. Really humbles you, you know? Anyway, really quickly a bit about me – I am really into the outdoors, watching horror films, which I totally hope this event doesn’t turn out to be, and um, I’m learning to ride a motorcycle. Mostly doing that to more easily get to new trails. Anyway, before I ramble more. How about you?”  

By this point, Kevin was starting to get the sense that he should have read that agent’s email a bit more closely. Why did this feel like a first date? Was it still just all part of the “interview”?  

Stick to your role, thought Kevin. Be the lovestruck idiot. Besides, Silvana was making it easy. He could picture her explaining her interests with a big, beautiful smile.  

“Wow, you’re awesome! Really, I’ve envisioned having at least two kids and taking them on all of these hiking adventures and then you come along. Robin and Linnett is what I’ve always thought about calling them.” 

“Calling who?”  

“Our, well, I mean my future children!” 

“Uh-huh,” said Silvana with a big hint of concern in her voice. “Linnett, you said?”  

“Yeah! It’s this really pretty finch. Lots of poets in the Victorian age wrote about the tiny songbird. I’d love to try to find one together with you. And it’d be so cool if we get there on your motorcycle – I’ve never been on one! And then we could -”  

But then Cy cut him off. “Time for the next match!”  

Reluctantly, Kevin got up. He didn’t get to hear Silvana’s reply. Did she want to reply? Did it matter? No, his focus was on showing his range. He’d find another Silvana any other day. Slowly, Kevin sat down at his new seat. He decided this time, he would try a South African accent, because why not?  

“Hey there! So, I’m Hannnah. My friends would say I’m a devoted plant mom and political junkie. I also love to go on adventures. That includes doing escape rooms and sometimes going on hikes when the weather’s right, and of course being on here! First time doing anything like this. It’s been ages since I’ve actually been on a date. Great break from the dating app bubble, you know?” 

Kevin didn’t hear the line about the apps. His head just fluttered with memories of spilled chicken soup. 

He thought: What kind of agency is this? Did they creep into my life to find the worst parts just to get a reaction? Well, I won’t let her win again. I’ve come this far without her.  

But really, Kevin was still in his feelings.  

Putting on his best South African accent he said, “Sounds like you’re a worldly person, Hannah. I guess you could say the same about me. I’m big into surfing – those sharks won’t stop me! I’m also into trying new cocktails and hiking.” 

“That’s great! Looks like we’ve got those things in common,” Hannah said, interrupting.  

“Speaking of things in common,” snapped Kevin. “Did you know cheating is actually a pretty common thing to do? Have you ever been cheated on, Hannah? Or maybe even been the cheater?”  

“How – why would you ask that? This is a dating show. You’re supposed to try and show your best self, and this is how you start? Really? No one wonder you’re still single.”  

Then, Kevin dropped his accent.  

“A bit of pot calling the kettle black. Huh, Hannah?”  

Hannah let out a tiny gasp. As it echoed in the dimly lit room, Kevin felt a surge of adrenaline. He had never been one for confrontation but now in masking himself behind this persona and the literal darkness, he felt emboldened to call out his ex. Getting to this point – no matter if it was just an unexpected blind dating reality show – was an accomplishment to him.  

Kevin couldn’t see it, but Hannah’s face turned a deep shade of red. The night vision cameras littered all around the room had at least caught her terrified expression. Kevin stood up, looking wildly out in all directions.  

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I will not be shut down by this...this...lying cheater any longer! Hannah, you ruined my favorite duvet and chicken soup for me forever. Everyone – she does not deserve my time or anyone else's here tonight!”  

And he stormed out.  

But not knowing where he really was, he stormed into another room instead. Immediately, a great flash of light greeted him. He quickly scanned the room, hoping to find the real exit. Instead, he noticed the cameras pointed at him from every angle, and a crowd of people cheering and clapping. 

“What is this?” Kevin asked, his voice echoing in the large room with stadium seating.  

“Bravo, Kevin! You’re a star in the making,” boomed a man standing next to the central camera. He had a bushy beard, light blue suit, and twinkle in his eye. “I’m Mick, ‘Dating in the Dark’s’ producer.” 

Mick held out his hand, eager to give a hardy shake to Kevin.  

“You’ve got something special,” said Mick. “You’re not afraid to speak your mind and you’re totally unpredictable. That’s exactly the person we need on our show.”  

Kevin stood speechless. He was never known for his outspokenness, especially with strangers. And definitely not one that any person – especially Hannah – would describe as unpredictable. Could this really be the start of a great career? Or at least a more exciting love life? He could market himself as the “extra” dater on Tik Tok. But what about Hannah? Wouldn’t all her friends be watching this? What would they think?  

Eh, he thought.  

Kevin reached out to grab Mick’s hand.  

“Happy to be getting some extra screen time,” said Kevin.  

February 16, 2024 20:00

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2 comments

Chrissy Cook
03:29 Feb 22, 2024

I did not expect the show angle at the end, there! Nice twist!

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18:46 Feb 23, 2024

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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