How fragile we are

‘What time is it?’ I’m quickly rummaging through my rucksack to check I’ve remembered all my essentials. Looking at my watch, I’ve probably got ten more minutes.

Day wear. Check.

Evening wear? Mmmm, maybe I can buy something there? Wherever there is? A treat to myself for finishing my contract. Or maybe this daywear dress with this cardigan. That’ll do. Check. 

Pyjamas. Darn it, my rucksack is too small. Check.

Copy of captain Corelli’s mandolin. Check.

Pants. Check.

Toothbrush. Check.

Make up. Check.

I think that’s it. Will take out the pyjamas and sleep naked.

I can’t believe my teaching contract in Trapani; Sicily had come to an end. Looking at my bag it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was unpacking my suitcase after arriving. 

Bursting at the seams, I wondered how I’d managed to squash so much in. A box of PG tips? That’ll be a dad addition. I felt myself welling up. He knew how much of a tea monster I was. Surely, I’ll be mainlining cappuccinos and espressos in a week. What the feck is that? A Johnny? Cripes there's a whole pack of Durex. That’ll be a joke from my younger sister. Well done Sam! Fi must have got to her. She thinks I’ve come here for a shagfest. Now where did I put it? There we go. I found an old sweet tube that I’d slipped a few pictures and letters in.

Inside was a letter that my boyfriend Luke had given me with strict instructions to read after he’d left for Africa. I couldn’t help but feel he may have been trying to dump me so wanted to wait until he was out of the country.

There had been many times when I thought it may be over as surely they all just came to an end? If you go off and do your own thing it’s over isn’t it? But no, Luke had been adamant, ‘why would we split up?’ I had responded, ‘I just thought that you may want to?’ ‘Don’t be silly.’ he replied although I wasn't convinced. At this stage in our relationship, Luke hadn’t said the 'L' word although I had said it the first time we had sex. It just came out as he slipped himself inside me. And because he’d not uttered a response other than to kiss me deeply, I did think I had seriously misjudged the timing and the feeling.

When I told my friend Fiona, my closest college friend, she said ‘he’s probably just emotionally stunted.’ That didn’t make me feel any better.

As I opened the letter I did wonder if Fi was right.

October 20, 1999

Hi squirrel nut,

I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I hope Dave and I are prepared for our trip. I read a tip about building up your immune system by eating raw garlic every day, so I’ve started to do that. I’m sure you won’t miss me kissing you for a while. 

We’re heading to Spain to pick up the boat to Tunisia on Saturday. Say thank you to your ma and pa for being so hospitable when I came to stay in Bude. I had a wonderful time. Have a good flight out to Sicily and I’ll email you as soon as I can, 

Your Luke xx

I couldn’t believe that that was it? Maybe Fi is right and he’s emotionally stunted. I felt I had maybe revealed too many of my cards by comparison. Thinking about it I felt quite embarrassed. He’s going to think I’m a clingy sap. 

October 25, 1999

To my dearest darling boyfriend,

Here is a St Christopher’s to keep you safe on your trip. I hope you have a wonderful time on your adventure and know that I’ll be excited to hear all your stories. 

I love you, nut xx

As I’d carried on rummaging through my case on my first evening, I had had a knock at the door.

‘Hey chook ‘

‘Hey Kelly’

‘How are you doing? Cripes you packed a lot of shit in there.’

‘Yes I did.’

‘Are those Johnny’s, you filthy little minx. Goodness who is my new flatmate? Is she the new good time girl?’

‘Ha! It was a joke from my sister.’

‘Well if you’re not going to use them, I’m sure I’ll find a good use.’

‘Help yourself. I’m taken.’

‘You say that now princess Di..’

The doorbell went and I was brought back into the present. 

‘Doorbell’ Kelly shouted from her room.

As I grabbed my bag to head off, I heard her holler ‘have a good time.’ 

‘Thanks chook.’

I felt quite sad that we were leaving on a bad note. I really didn’t like ill feeling in any way, but I wasn’t willing to force it. I’d met too many amazing friends, some of whom I considered family that I wasn’t willing to invest my energy into someone who had wanted to cause me trouble.

Pietro was at the door.

‘Ciao Rebbie, are you ready?’

‘I am. You are looking very relaxed.’ giving him the customary two kisses.

‘Hopefully.’

Pietro was always dressed in his finest suits, so I was surprised to see him in a white linen shirt and jeans.

‘I can take your bag’

‘No, no, don’t worry Pietro.’

‘I insist, let me do this’

Knowing how insistent Pietro was and what a gentleman he was, I let him take my bag. After all it would probably be the last time, we spent time together before I headed home. Strange thinking of home. I felt I now considered Trapani my home. 

Getting into Pietro’s car made me realise just how much time I’d spent in it whether it was him kindly insisting on taking me the short drive to the liceo for my classes and then offering to carry my books into the class or driving up the hill to Erice for a coffee and a cake or at weekends driving over to Marsala. I thought of all the times other friends had joined up such as his ex-girlfriend, Sabrina or some of the teachers from the school. Dan or Marie and Helen and our adventures heading to Segesta. 

As we set off on the road, Pietro tuned into radio Dabliu.

Sensa una donna

‘Oh, I love this song.’

‘I know you do Rebbie.’ As he reached over and grabbed my hand. ‘Do you know that Zucchero has a house on the volcano? If I can ask you to take the map?’

‘Perfetto’

‘Aah you sometimes speak Italian’

‘Certo.’

Senza una donna

Givin' me torture and bliss

Oooh-oooh-ooohh

Huh

‘I think if we have time, it would be worth stopping again in Segesta.’

‘Oh, that sounds wonderful.’

Pietro had kindly taken Helen, Marie and I for a trip to Segesta one Saturday which had been wonderful. We couldn’t believe how beautifully preserved the theatre was and we all marvelled at the temple which had survived after two and a half thousand years. As our resident historian, Helen loved talking to Pietro about all the battles that had taken place. All I could think about was how amazing the space would be for open air performances.

As Pietro and I continued on our way I thought about how I felt I had lived an entire lifetime with Pietro in six months. After meeting in my first week at the school, he had become a firm feature in my weekly life. 

Pietro was a journalist by training and owned his own research company, living next to his parents a few blocks away from the British Institutes on via Manzoni.

After the debate at school in my first week, one of the other students Tony had talked about Pietro as the ‘famous anti-mafia journalist’ which I was fascinated and excited by. Later in the Irish pub Pietro told me that he has written many pieces about the two judges Borsalini and Falcone who had subsequently been murdered.

I couldn’t quite understand such violence and he said because of his work his tyres had been slashed and his family threatened. He said the calls had now stopped. I couldn’t quite believe it. 

When we arrived in Palermo, Pietro mentioned he wanted to stop at the Ministry of Justice to drop on some papers. He said he wouldn’t be long but when he walked away from the car and locked it, I started to panic. Maybe it was all the stories Pietro had shared with me about the death threats he’s received over the years.

Pietro appeared and asked if I was ok. 

‘Yes of course, and you?’

‘I’m fine I may have to stop for a coffee in an hour or so.’

We drove out of the city and continued our way along the coast. 

It was nice to see Pietro in relaxed mode. He was always working which I suppose came with the territory of running your own business.

I had first been introduced to Pietro at the school. It was my first week and at the end of the Friday debate before we went to the pub, my boss Theresa turned to me and said ‘Pietro please may I present Rebecca Vickerstaff? I don’t know what I did to have such a lovely lady working for me. On occasion I do get it right.’

‘Oh Theresa you are too kind.’ I blushed with such praise.

‘I really enjoyed the discussion.’ Pietro replied.

‘Thank you so much.’

When Theresa mentioned we were heading to the pub, Pietro offered to get my coat and we walked together. It was only a few streets behind the school, and I did find it amusing that we were headed to an Irish pub in the middle of Sicily.

Pietro started, ‘and where are you from?’

‘I’m from Cornwall in the south west of England. 

‘Aah the legend of King Arthur.’ He smiled.

‘Yes the legend of King Arthur. How did you know?’

‘I read about it recently.’

‘I’m very impressed.’

‘And what classes are you doing here?’

‘I’m taking the little ones, they are 5 years old and then the majority of my lessons are with the classics high school.’

‘Oh interesting.’

‘Where did you go to school Pietro?’

‘I was actually at the liceo scientifico but my father taught music at the classics high school.’

‘Your English is excellent.’

‘Oh thank you, I need to improve but that’s why I joined the institutes.’ Seeing that Theresa was just in front, Pietro said a bit louder ‘Theresa is an excellent teacher.’

‘You’re too kind. You are an excellent student, and he always does his homework and more.’

‘Wow gold stars for you!’

‘That evening was so relaxing, and it was wonderful to chat to so many students. As the evening got going, Theresa after a bit of wine said, ‘can you drink a pint Rebecca?’

‘I can indeed?’

‘I challenge you and Tony to see who can finish a pint first.’

‘Which we both did more or less at the same time.’

At the end of the evening, Pietro offered to take me, Maria and Tony home and as I was getting out of the car and saying farewell. Pietro said ‘if you like I can show you some of the local sites?’

‘That would be wonderful.’

The following week as I was preparing for classes, I bumped into Pietro

‘Ciao Rebecca, sorry good morning how are you?’

‘Good thanks Pietro how are you?’

‘Yes, very good. I was just about to drive up to Erice. Would you like to join?’

‘I would love to as its so beautiful.’

‘Oh, you’ve seen?’

‘Yes, I went with Susan on my first week here but would love to go back.’

We headed up to the winding road to Erice and Pietro explained the significance of the town being on the hill in Erice. ‘It is thought that the town was dedicated to Aphrodite and historically was a site of exotic prostitutes.’ I held of laughing and just took in the beautiful views.

As we carried on our journey, I said to Pietro, ‘So where are you taking me?’

‘No Rebbie, I’ve kept it secret for this long. Ok not going to say now.’

I sat back and relaxed.

Pietro kept looking over at me and said, ‘I like relaxed Rebbie.’

‘I know I love it. Thank you for taking some time away from work.’

‘I know it feels very strange to me. I may have to make a few calls but I’m all yours for the next few days.’

‘I will need to call Luke when we arrive,’

Pietro seemed to ignore my comment.

Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away

But something in our minds will always stay

Perhaps this final act was meant

To clinch a lifetime's argument

I thought about the fragility of relationships. A few months ago, Pietro had had our first and only fight and it made me feel a bit sick just thinking about it. One evening as we were having dinner in a local cantina, Pietro had suggested that he could help set up a landline at home for Kelly and I. I didn’t commit to as I wasn’t sure about all the extra costs and as I was only on a temporary contract, my mobile phone would suffice.

He went ahead and researched all options for me and one evening after classes said that he had spoken with telecom Italia and they could come over and install that week.

I got quite cross because I feel he had jumped ahead and after a few comments from others about how intense and controlling he seemed, I jumped the gun and said ‘no I don’t want a landline.’ 

‘But Rebbie, it would be cheaper for calls on this special rate.’

‘I can’t believe you’ve just gone ahead without my agreement.’

‘But Rebbie, you did agree.’

‘No, I didn’t. I said I’d think about it.’

‘But it means I can get hold of you because sometimes the mobile signal is not that reliable.’

And there it was. It was so he could get hold of me. I had had quite a few comments from other teachers and locals in Trapani that I was like a girlfriend to him which riled me.

‘Look Pietro, I am not your girlfriend.’

‘I know that, Rebbie.’ And seeing that he looked hurt, I then said ‘Look, I didn’t mean that.’

He was clearly upset so he left.

A few days later I received a letter from Pietro saying that he was trying to help but if his help wasn’t needed, he would end our friendship.

As someone who hates all conflict I had then burst into tears and told Theresa one morning. 

She said ‘it’s ok love, he’s a gentle giant. I think he probably thought he was helping. Do you think he thinks something is happening with the two of you?

‘I just don’t know. He knows about Luke.’

‘I know but Luke isn’t here and he’s an Italian male with lots of pride.’

‘He also seems to have a lot of ‘girlfriends.’ 

‘I think that’s because he’s such a gentleman.’

‘I’ve ruined everything.’

‘Just give him some space and he’ll come round.’

‘Sorry Theresa you probably think I’m highly unprofessional.’

‘Not at all. You’re just human and hey I get it, I think these Italian men forget we don’t have our families round the corner for support.’

‘So true.’

‘Well as long as you don’t want to go home. There is a lot to look forward to with the warmer weather. The islands are wonderful. Favignana is a must.’

‘I know I’m excited and I’m getting to know Helen and Maria well. They are wonderful.’

‘They are indeed. That Maria can knock back the espressos.’

‘That’s what I keep telling her.’

‘Well don’t worry.’

And Theresa had been right. Pietro and I had smoothed things over but rather than giving each other a bit of space, we then saw a lot more of each other. Pietro offered to help me learn Italian and we ate together every other evening.

As we continued our mystery journey, I remembered that Pietro had mentioned the volcano. Maybe that was a subtle clue as to where we were headed.